My past is the root cause of a lot of issues in my life, but the one I'm mainly concerned with is relationships.
Are there any of you out there who have had bad childhoods that were able to have a successful and happy relationship?
Much appreciated!
2007-03-02 08:42:15 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
The problem with having a bad past, unlike having a good one, is that the biggest obstacle is that the person believes that the past (and its examples) define the rest of their life.
To be quite honest, only a good relationship can teach you how to have a good relationship. And if you have never had one before (which is everyone, at some point in their life) then all you can do is sorta examine what other 'good' relationships look like and see how your compares.
You can't have a good relationship with anyone else successfully unless you have a basis of a good (by that I mean valued) relationship with yourself.
Suppose you like quilting, but you constantly date people who hate quilting and who don't want you to quilt. Until you begin to say "Quilting is important to me, and I won't give that up to have a relationship", you will endure relationships that will not satisfy you, and which you will not understand why.
This means valuing the 'bad' of your past, simply because the bad that happened is 'important' to you. If you are deathly afraid of heights, and the person you date is constantly taking you to high places, they are denying what is important to you, the same as if they denied the fact that you loved quilting.
Know what is important to yourself (the good as well as the bad) and you will have the formula for what makes a good relationship.
2007-03-02 09:11:03 · answer #1 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but it took a while. I mistreated so many really good men. Because I was so screwed up from my crappy childhood. Looking back now I am surprised so many people made so much of an effort considering the fact that I did not trust anyone. Not just romantic relationships but also friendships.
But as you go through the process just making friends and being in relationships you are building experiences you may not think of it consciously at the time but you are gaining a different, hopefully, better perspective with which to judge people.
For me it took a long time but if you are asking yourself this question I'd say your in pretty good shape because at least your aware that your past is effecting how you relate to your partner.
I have been married five years and couldn't be happier. I have one child who I cherish and work hard to ensure that her childhood is nothing like mine.
Also relationships are hard work for everyone reguardless so just keep working at it
2007-03-02 09:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by slinda 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband had a very bad childhood. We've been married almost 3 years and I can honestly say that life is good. I'm not saying there won't be problems. He had a lot of trust issues which is completely understandable. Relationships take time. You will always be stretching and growing. Be discerning of who you get involved with. Have patience and know that not everyone is out to totally screw you over.
2007-03-02 08:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is succesful and happy ? i too had a checkered childhood and yes sometimes it is hard to trust people no matter the relationship so i dont know the answer to your question but i do know you are not alone and that there is never anything wrong with trying .
2007-03-02 08:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by whatisthisallabout? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent."
-- Krishnamurti
"Shut out all of your past except that which will help you weather your tomorrows."
-- Sir William Osler -
British (Canadian-born) physician (1849 - 1919)
*****
The past can be a resource or it can be a burden.... It all depends upon how much of it you choose to carry with you.
-- Shaman
2007-03-02 09:25:04 · answer #5 · answered by Shaman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a good relationship right now and i come from the same boat your in. plus I've got the added bonus of being a self sabotage in hopes of not becoming my mother.
2007-03-02 08:49:54 · answer #6 · answered by ~*~AmethystMoonBeams~*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a very abusive childhood. Both mentally and physically. Thanks to years of therapy I'm doing great and have a wonderful wife and two gorgeous children who I love and adore.
2007-03-02 09:11:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a constant struggle. Being ever vigilant not to recreate the past--it's overwhelming.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-02 08:52:32 · answer #8 · answered by Rahab 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. Hang in there.
2007-03-02 08:45:24 · answer #9 · answered by pokecheckme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋