How can I handle my inlaws who won't leave when I need to breastfeed? I have had to nurse right in front of them, and I hate that! Sometimes they leave the room, but I would rather if they would just leave the house because my baby and I are still trying to learn how to nurse. Any advice?
2007-03-02 07:41:13 · 27 answers · asked by ♥Lucky♥ 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I feel that I should be able to nurse the baby wherever I want in my house, depending on what seems to work best - and it happens to be that the living room is the most comfortable place for us to do that. I would rather not get in the habit of hiding in another room all the time, which would encourage them to stay as long as they want.
Sometimes it takes him up to an hour to just latch on - because we're still learning - and it is a lot of pressure knowing people are there waiting for me to get it done with.
I feel comfortable telling my own parents to leave, and they do so.
2007-03-02 07:56:01 · update #1
Wow...I think we have the same in-laws. I had a really tough time learning how to breastfeed my first child. Plus all the stress and tension of a new baby and family always visiting.
I also was most comfortable in our family room on the comfy couch. But with the in-laws over, I always felt the need to leave the room. This is what worked for me.
#1-I always told my in-laws, "I gotta go feed the baby. It's gonna take awhile." I also explained that since breastmilk digests so quickly, baby will be hungry as soon as he's finished eating...weird but true..so nursing is almost a 24 hour per day job.
#2-I explained to my husband that I wanted more comfort to feed the baby in our room. So, we got a nice rocking chair, boppy pillow, tv, etc. to make nursing more comfortable in our room.
#3-I would always ask my husband to come and keep me company when I would breastfeed the baby. After a few times of seeing me and hubby and baby leave the room to breastfeed, my in-laws got the message and would say, "oh you don't need to leave the room to feed the baby. We'll be on our way..." If we're all busy in our room feeding the baby, what would in-laws do by themselves? nothing..so they leave.
Hope that helps! I'm now breastfeeding my second child and it's much MUCH easier this time around. Less stress, less tension, less family visiting (2nd child isn't as fun for the in-laws).
I hope you can also reach this point where nursing becomes easy to do and calming.
Best of luck to you.
Regards,
mari
2007-03-02 09:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by mari m 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mari M has graet ideas! I also agree that if the problem persists, you should talk to your husband and he should bring up the subject, however gently but firmly, with his parents. I had a C-section, and my bedroom would have caused me to do stairs, so my first 2 weeks home from the hospital were spent in the living room. My family and I had this kind of unspoken agreement that whenever the baby was hungry, they would leave the room. My dad would go fiddle on the computer, etc. You deserve the same respect. It's your house, your baby, your breasts. When you guys have latching down, you might feel more comfortable wiht them being there.
2007-03-02 12:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by Ang 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should feel confident in your decision to breastfeed. If you are having trouble latching on and need some concentration, leave the room, but I think you make more of a statement by staying in the room. Especially if you think they don't want to see your entire breast, and you need to whip it out so that you can really see what's going on (with a baby just learning to latch on)... you can just whip that thing out like it's nobody's business and if it bothers them, they'll take a hint and go away. If it doesn't bother them, well then maybe it's good practice for you to become more comfortable breastfeeding in front of other people. If you want to be more discrete, try draping a blanket over your shoulder. I've found, though, that nobody can even tell when I'm breastfeeding, because my shirt falls down to the baby's face, covering most of my breast, and the baby's mouth covers anything you don't want anyone to see, anyway. Good luck!
2007-03-02 08:59:10 · answer #3 · answered by calliope_13731 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's your house- you have the right to feed your baby wherever you want! Maybe you should ask your husband to be the "bad guy" and ask them to leave when it's time for you to breastfeed. They'll probably take it better from him. You should breastfeed where you are most comfortable so there's no reason you should have to hide away in another room. Letdown will occur when you are completely comfortable. Don't feel bad for asking them to leave- every new breastfeeding mom goes through a learning stage.
2007-03-02 08:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by abc 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I remmember when I first started breastfeeding not wanting to cover myself with a blanket so that I could really see how my daughter was latching on. I totally get this as 'the good latch' is drilled into us (for good reasons). Once you get it it's so much easier, but in the beginning having a good view of the baby really helped. Luckily I'm very comfortable and was not shy about breastfeeding my daughter in front of people. What's funny about this is how many grown men (and some women) you can clear out of a room when you unlatch your bra. I swear they go running at the sound of the click!
I also understand the need to be comfortable when you're learning to breastfeeding. I was extremelly comfortable in my livingroom and often chose to feed there. Although it is your right to feed where you want, sometimes a back up location is good to have. In my case I can also feed quite comfortbly in the glider in the nursery.
I have the impression your in-laws are over a lot (I could be off base here)! That would be a whole other issue or topic of conversation which really needs to be addressed by your husband. If that's not the case then I think you may find it hard to ask excited grandparents to leave the house (especially when baby will be feeding all the time so when could they visit), but there's no reason they can't leave the room giving you as much time as you need (you should never feel uncomfortable at the amount of time you require for this). Either your husband or yourself (if you're comfortable with your inlaws) can just explain it to them. You may find them to be completely understanding expecially if your mother-in-law breastfed. Something like, "I'm currently finding it most comfortable to nurse in the livingroom. The baby hasn't yet masterred his/her latch so I really need a good view when nursing and as such am unable to cover up. I find I'm not comfortable nursing with anyone in the room quite yet plus I also need the quiet time to relax mentally or my let-down reflex will not occur (people tend to get nervous if you get into the lingo about it) and the baby won't get milk. Don't misunderstand, but I would appreciate the privacy whenever I nurse. If you chose not to cut your visit short please afford me the privacy and don't be surprised at how long a nursing session can take. I will let you know when we are done. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, but I feel that getting this right is one of the most important things I can do at this time." I think if it's said with the right tone it would be very hard to take offense to. If you really want them out of the house completely while you nurse you can edit the above text to indicate that and if you want your husband to tell them then he can say it. Personally I would rather tell my inlaws myself as I'd be worried about the message being relaid incorrectly by a well meaning spouse (remmember the telephone game) and someone's feelings getting hurt, but that's just me.
Once nursing is well established you barely have to reveal your nipple in order to nurse and most people won't even realize you're doing it. In fact I now only cover up in public so that my daughter can concentrate on her job and not be swayed by her surroundings (she's too curious).
Good luck.
2007-03-02 15:53:36 · answer #5 · answered by Izzy 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to just go into another room, don't even really say anything about what you are going to do. and do what you need to do and then come out with a smile. Hopefully they will catch on that you are leaving the room to breastfeed and they'll understand that they need to leave when its feeding time. Otherwise can you talk to your husband about it? maybe he can mention that you both enjoy the quiet time when you are feeding the baby.
2007-03-02 07:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by dncr925 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
- You could always explain it to them just as you did here - that you and your baby are still learning to nurse, and that privacy and a quiet house is helpful to you both.
- You could try the "Thank you so much for coming to visit. It's time for _____ to nurse now, so we'll have to say goodbye, but we'll see you soon."
- Are they there constantly? If so, perhaps your husband could speak with them about lessening the frequency of their visits a bit, explaining that you're all still adjusting to being a family of 3 and that it helps to have some quiet time.
- Worst case, if you don't want to nurse in their presence, just let them know you're going to feed your child, close doors between you and them, and take however long you need. If they don't like having to entertain themselves while you're nursing, that's tough.
2007-03-02 07:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by ozfan98 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Excuse yourself and ask then to please leave you both (you and your baby) so you can bond and feed your baby. If that doesn’t work just lie and say you talked with your doctor and he told you to find your most comfortable place in your home to nurse and bond with your baby (aka the living room). Then let them know you need privacy until you get the knack of this whole bonding thing. They will leave you alone and next time will ask you if you need a pillow.
This works…I swear!!!!
Good Luck!
2007-03-02 13:03:49 · answer #8 · answered by bellaofjersey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say "Well I guess he needs a feed". Then tell them that you find he's very distractable if people are around when he's feeding so could I ask you to step out for a little bit. Or you could ask them to go to the store to pick you up something while he's feeding ...milk..diapers...something for dinner..:o).
Another thought would be to have both them and your parents over then let your parents set the example by suggesting that everybody leave so you can feed the baby in peace and quiet. I'm sure your mom wouldn't mind helping you out with this.
Once they realize that you are more comfortable feeding him on your own then they'll be o.k.
Good Luck
2007-03-02 08:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I'm betting this is your first breastfed baby. I know exactly how you feel! Excuse yourself and your baby to another room. When you are alone, start practicing putting a lightweight blanket over your shoulder to cover the baby (and your breast) up so you will be able to stay in the room with everyone else. That was really tough for me. I wasn't able to do that until my 4th child and it made life so much easier for me. If your inlaws seem to be bothered, ask your hubby to explain to them that you are uncomfortable exposing yourself and you will be back when you are done feeding the baby. If you are uncomfortable, you will not be real successful at nursing.
Good Luck and God Bless!
P~
2007-03-02 07:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by Psalm91 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋