My boyfriend and I are having a baby, he cheated on me last weekend. Honestly I am tired of people telling me he is a bad person, because he's not, he made a bad decision and I know its due to his Bipolar disorder. He is unwilling to go to counseling for us to work things out, he tells me he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. I don't understand how someone could pass up a chance to fix things and make things right for his baby that is coming. He grew up in a broken home so he knows the pain of separation, my family is totally supportive of him and knows he is a good person too. Why and How can someone pass up a new chance for life?
2007-03-02 07:38:21 · 13 answers · asked by kelly_baker_85 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My boyfriend and I are having a baby, he cheated on me last weekend. Honestly I am tired of people telling me he is a bad person, because he's not, he made a bad decision and I know its due to his Bipolar disorder. He is unwilling to go to counseling for us to work things out, he tells me he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. I don't understand how someone could pass up a chance to fix things and make things right for his baby that is coming. He grew up in a broken home so he knows the pain of separation, my family is totally supportive of him and knows he is a good person too. Why and How can someone pass up a new chance for life?
ok let me elaborate even more. I hadn't talked to him since Sat, I talked to him today. He went with me to the Dr appt. My mom wrote him a letter telling him that my dad had bipolar and that it can be overcome. I in fact have bipolar too and whats killing me is that if he just goes to get help and meds I know it will fix things
2007-03-02 07:56:59 · update #1
Dear, dear Kelly... what don't you understand? Why he doesn't want the same things you do?
While I sympathize with your pain, he has made himself clear. He has told you he doesn't want to work things out through counseling, and he's told you he doesn't want to hurt you any more. His reasons for passing up the chance to "fix things" with you may be profound, or they may be ridiculous - but it doesn't matter. The simple fact that he is unwilling is a hard truth to swallow, but a necessary one for you to move on with your life.
I'm sure this is not going to be easy, but you must move on. You have a little one on the way who you will need to take care of and love. The father of the baby will be required by law to pay child-support, but sadly, there is no requirement that he be a good father.
Take some time to nurture yourself, find support in family or friends... and wait for a man who is "willing" to be everything you need.
2007-03-02 07:57:44 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatley it is ultimatley his decision for a new life. Even though he is a good person he may me making bad desicions that are not only hurting him but hurting you and in the future it may even hurt your baby. Most every one comes from a broken home, i did but that dosent mean ill be irresponsible and hurt every one around me. He might need a reality check. even though ur there now, u'll eventually get fed up w/ it and want whats best for your baby. Give him time to figure things on his own w/o u offering help. Hopefully he'll realize what is really important.
2007-03-02 15:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by x_masangel69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
welcome to my world. My BF is also bipolar and is the same. Only as far as I know he hasnt cheated.
Bipolar disorder is a disease of the mind. It's a cycling of highs and lows of manic depression. Although you can reason out a new life, he cannot. He is mentally ill afterall. When I come to points where I cannot understand why.. I must remind myself that he is not seeing "reality" as normal. He is seeing it as a bipolar. So your normal is not his. This is why he is passing up the chance at having a new life. Maybe he is afraid, or is so used to being caught in his cycle of doom that he fails to see this chance at a new life.
He knows that he is sick, which is why he said he doesn't want to hurt you anymore. Give him time, and leave the door open if you love him.
I currently live with a bipolar and we have a baby believe me when I say I wish he would love me enough not to put me through this.
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2007-03-02 15:48:19 · answer #3 · answered by Java Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl.....you know the answer within yourself. I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope that he will change and be there for his new family.
You should do your best to help him seek professional help...tell him if he really care about you and the baby then he will get help. It is unheathy and hurtful for you to deal with this....and imagine if it happen again. Don't defend him....you are only going to make it worst....don't be passive.....tell him how you feel and tell him what you want him to do or else.....You can only give so many chances....but do you want to keep doing that?
2007-03-02 15:48:44 · answer #4 · answered by Lonna L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a good person to offer him another chance. However, I beleive you are making excuses for him. Make sure he understands that this kind of mistake can NEVER happen again. He shouold have been thinking about you and your baby in the first place? Do you think he was thinking about you and your baby while he was plowing her? No, he wasn't! Mistake? maybe.
Jackas*? Definitely!
2007-03-02 15:42:53 · answer #5 · answered by shasta 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If only we were all like this to forgive our men so easily. You need to stop making excuses for him if every one is telling you he is a bad person he probably is. Once a cheater always a cheater. Find someone better honey! Good luck
2007-03-02 15:48:09 · answer #6 · answered by Momof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're just like me, always just wanting to see the good in people and never the bad. But. sweety, he knows that what he is doing is wrong! Stop being so blind! Cheating is cheating! . And you are better than that! My daughter is also bi-polar and I have been to hell and back with her and even she has admitted to me that she always knows what she's doing, but, she says she just doesn't care!!!!!!! And that's exactly how bi-polar people think. They are very much aware of their actions. God he really has snow-blinded you! It really upsets me so much that you would brush his infidelity to the side so easily and pity him instead when you're the one that has been wronged. And not just in the worlds eye's,,,but in Gods!!!!!!!! I wish you love and luck.
2007-03-02 15:57:03 · answer #7 · answered by kathy l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is defiantley a tough one. What do you feel about it, if he cheated on you, do you still love him? Talk to him one on one and say what you feel and ask him if he wants his new born baby to grow in a home like he did. Tell him you want to do whats right for yours and his baby. When he said "i dont want to hurt you anymore" maybe its a sign, maybe he wants to end it. Really, the best you can do is talk to him, one on one.
Good Luck!
2007-03-02 15:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is nevr ok to cheat.. ur onyl making up excuses for yourself... and ya its sad taht ur havign his baby because he is seriously just goign to cheat again
once a cheater always a cheater.. and as much as you want to think it wont happen again it probably will
2007-03-02 15:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by lovepixiek 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He might still feel guilty and might think that he doesnt deserve help or another chance.
OR
He is scared of responsibility and by cheating on you he was hoping you will dump him and he will avoid it.
2007-03-02 15:43:01 · answer #10 · answered by jm3 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋