Is this normal?

Question

I still enjoy hanging out with him, am still attracted to him physically aswell as for his intelligence, patience, understanding, passion about work, generosity, humour etc etc....The first 3 months were out of this world. Infatuation was GREAT! I KNEW he was the one for me up until about 2 months where I got this thought "What if I dont love him anymore"? So all together we have been together for 6 months and I have my share of doubts.

But I dont feel "in love" with him.

I was sooooo in love and PASSIONATE with my ex but he abused me both physically and emotionally and all our relationship was based on dis-trust, jealousy, hate and the occasional bout of EXTREME love. I thought I was over him when I got into this relationship but my thoughts prove otherwise. I think about him often and I wish I could just get him out of my mind....Its been over a year since we have been together and I miss some of the special times.

I dont have those same feelings for my current boyfriend. My feelings are kinda neutral, I enjoy him but at the same time feel as though there is something missing in my what is known as "normal, trustworthy and no-jealousy relationship"

Any suggestions as to what I should do?

Have I fallen out of love or am I just commitment phobic...am I still in love with my ex, do I have to break up with him?

Answer 1

I think you have some serious issues. First one that I see is insecurity. You are HIGHLY insecure. YOu are going to sabatoge your GOOD relationship because you miss the passion and intensity of the last one. Just remember that the guy you are with may not be as intense as your X, but he is reliable, trustworthy and a good person and if you let him go, its bad news for you and good news for the next girl who he gets with and isnt stupid enough to let him go.
Secondly I see alot of low self esteem. Seriously girl.... You are worthy of a good guy. By pushing him away or suggesting to yourself that because this relationship isnt like the last one, you love him less... its pretty ridiculous. If you two break up, you are going to regret it. TRUST ME, its hard to find good guys. IF you find one... you should hold on to him. Good luck

Answer 2

Whatever you do, PLEASE don't go back to your ex. If he treated you the way he did, the "special" times aren't nearly enough.

I wonder if you don't have a self-loathing spirit about you. Do you want to enjoy being with someone in a right relationship? Really think about that - are you allowing yourself to enjoy being a guy who is all the great things you describe and NOT abusive? Or are you so used to being abused that you don't know how to deal with a "good" person? It's great that you left the bad one and missing him is one thing. But don't let your hang ups about him keep you from the really good person you are with now.

I know it's hard to move away from someone you've been so close to. But the point is to try. If you focus your thoughts on the new relationship, your feelings for the old ones will fade. Don't let brief flashes of memory deter you from a good thing you have right now.

Answer 3

I don't know how much time went by before you started the relationship you're in now, but, the same thing happened to me. I was in a relationship for almost 2 years when we split up also because of physical and mental abuse,,,,mostly mental. He'd call me really demeaning names and break things that belonged to me every time he went on one of his angry spells, which was usually 2 times a week or so. He mentally beat me down bad. I kept leaving and going back after a week or so, because I would begin to miss him,,,,,,alot. Eventually, I left again. This time I really thought it was over so I turned right around and started seeing someone else almost right away. Then I realized that I was just seeing this other person to fill a void that had been left by the guy I left! You see, my point is , and this may or may not be your case, I just simply hadn't allowed myself time to recover from my previous relationship. Time heals all, you just have to give yourself time! I had not allowed myself time to heal, and because of this I deeply hurt someone innocent in all of this. I really hope this helps you. You sound like a really good hearted person with nothing but good intentions. Good luck!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

People fall "in" and "out" of love all of the time, many times a day. I have been with my partner for nearly 18 years now; we have separated four times but have not stopped. I sometimes hate him with a passion, but I know I couldn't live without his presence and companionship. I love him with my life, but I am not in love with him all of the time.
Seek counseling from a professional if this relationship is something you are serious about pursuing.
However, STAY AWAY from your EX. Abuse is NEVER to be accepted or tolerated! Good luck.