What should i do?

Question

I have been living with my g/f of six months, and i love her to death. I just can't seem to get along with her teenager kids. We (me and her) haven't had a cross word between us. It seems like a competition for her attention. When i call her from work, she's home with all three kids, they keep interupting us instead of waiting. She kind of seems to defend them. The oldest (16) is a real mommy's boy, I have the most trouble with him. If i nap on the couch, he throws books to wake me. His mother payed $75 to deliver divorce papers to her ex through a servicer, twenty minutes later the kid makes her drive to his place to pick up his "Ipod". They all visit thier Dad every two weeks. He dosen't seem to give a crap. I don't have my own kids, and i am lost. please help?

Answer 1

that's harsh, as a child of a father who remarried, I can only tell you that it's normal for kids to go out of their way to make your life miserable when you are a stepparent - I don't know if these kids are just bitter and insecure, like I was, or if they are spoiled, but all you can really do is try to ignore their attempts to **** you off (easier said than done, I'm sure), and try to be there for them, it's hard for them even as teens...It took many years, but now that I'm all grown up, my stepmother and I have developed a good relationship, and I am glad my dad has her...
Good luck!

Answer 2

This situation is very complex and I wish I had a little more information, but, here goes. As a counselor with Broken and Blended Families, I want you to understand some of the dynamics of what you are up against. These situations are difficult enough to enter, even when the children are very young, and have little contact with the absentee parent. First of all, in a blended family, the desire is usually to find acceptance in the beginning of the relationship, with all parties involved. Unfortunately, that is never the case! Even under the best of conditions, your being accepted as part of the family unit, could take up to three years, minimum. Sometimes, up to seven years. With teenagers, you may not be accepted until after they have left home, or at all. Once they have established a home of their own, they may feel under no obligation to accept you, no matter how hard you try. They have lost much of the stability in their live, and, may not see that you can offer them any tangible evidence, that you have anything of value to contribute. And, since their own father is still in the picture, they may not want it from you in the first place. My step-children were 3 and 2, when I brought them in to MY Home. The dynamics of trying to fit into Their Home are entirely different! In My Home, they were invited, in Their Home you are an intruder. I have been granted, by my step children, the honor of loving and raising them, and they have given me much love and joy in return. But, as it is in almost every step-relationship, there will be a time that they will remind you, that,"You are not my father!". And, their perfectly right. My wife, Vivian, heard those words from my two children as well. It doesn't matter the gender. If you are not their parent, they will remind you of that, someday. Sometimes, often. Since she already has chosen time and time again, to defend them, you already have a clear indication where you stand in her, and, their relationship. As a Broken and Blended Counselor, I suggest that you seriously survey whether you have the thick skin, it will take to suffer the damaging wounds that these children can inflict. And, children have little regard concerning how deeply adults can be hurt by the things that they will say or do. Teengers can be deceitful, hurtful, manipulative, heartless and vengeful, without regard to the consequences. And that is with their own parents. And, for a step-parent, it can be far worse. If your girlfriend isn't helping to make the adjustment any easier for you, and, just standing on the sidelines, then your chances are slimmer still. Any, and I mean ANY, dreams you might have of making this relationship work have to be founded on your willingness to hammer it out together. If you aren't pulling together, you are doomed from the start. As a practice, I suggest that, unless you absolutely, completely and without a doubt, are sure you can't live with out a prospective partner, that already has children in the picture, then look elsewhere. Bringing up children is difficult enough when they are from a traditional relationship, and, many times more difficult to parent someone Else's children. Today 49% of all Traditional Marriages fail, and, 87% of all Blended Family Marriages fail. Third marriages seem to be about 95%. Not a very rosey picture. But, real, none the less. I hope I have been of help to you. Feel free to contact me at the address below, if you need more assistance.

Answer 3

Whatever you do, do not spoil him or make him satisfied in any way.. atleast not right now. Talk to your girlfriend and tell about how you feel. Tell her that things need to change with the relationship between you and her son. Talk to him ask him how things are with him and his fathers relationship and try to relate to how he's feeling towards the divorce. Don't take the sons crap because he's only doing that things that he's doing to annoy you and make you frustrated and leave because he has some sort of belief that him and his father are going to get back together. Don't rush things, take things slow, but if you get to the point where you can't take it anymore, well you can either leave or stay in the relationship and just try to cope with it. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Just so you know, you have to have someone other than yourself serve court papers to someone. So you have to let that one go.

The kids will probably give you trouble for a very long time, unless their mother starts addressing what her children are doing to you and does somethig about it. Her children probably have very limited respect for their mother, so you can niot expect them to have too much for you. This is their mother's problem.

I had problems with my husband's daughter. She was overstepping her bounds, so I kicked her out. Best thing for her, however she was 19 at the time.

My son is 14 and has the utmost respect for my husband, along with all of the adults in his life. That is how I raised him from day one.

Answer 5

Sounds as if you moved in before the divorce. That's low, dude. They probably resent you moving into their house.

Answer 6

You need to talk to her. Express your concerns and make it either this or that. Demand your respect no matter who it is. You deserve to be loved the way you love.

Answer 7

Move out and move on.

Answer 8

dump her, or kill the kid. There, done, problem solved.