Why do I still miss her? She was controlling and filled with hate.?

Question

My g/f and I broke up a little while back. I haven't seen her in about 3 months and had last contact with her about 2 months ago. When we first broke up I didn't mind that we were not talking. But on NYE after midnight I called her and left a message. A day later she emailed me and told me that it was indeed over. A week went by and I was just so depressed that I tried again to see if we can make it work. She said we can't. She wasn't mean about it and for that I am thankful. I respected her wishes and I have not talked or written to her since. And trust me it's been HARD not too. Anyway she was always trying to control EVERYTHING I wanted to do. I liked to play with this sports team once every few months, only a few hours on one day every few months and she would call me evil for leaving her to do it. I could understand if I did it every week, but once for a couple hours every few months isn't asking a lot to spend a few hours without her. She would also tell me that

I was destroying her by doing something she didn't want me to do. The thing is I ALWAYS invited her to go with me but she never wanted me to. There was another time when my married friends and her got into a little fight and I wanted to talk to the husband one on one to try to smooth things over and she flipped out demanding that she be there and went as far as giving me one hour to "choose between him or her". She would always do things like that. Always make me choose between something and her. That is a form of control. But why is it now that since she told me she wants it over all I can do is think back and want it the way it was? Now I want to give in to everything she asked for. What's wrong with me? Why do I want to do that for??? I miss her so much and I have been VERY depressed for a while now and see no way outta it. I hope I made some sense here. I really need help and can't figure out what to do anymore.

thanks

Wow. I must say after just posting this you have already responded. I really really really want to thank you for all the kind words you all have given me. It means a lot to me. It makes my heart feel really good that people I don't even know say such wonderful things. I know deep down in my heart that the relationship I had wasn't going to work due to these issues. It was an 18 month long one. I'm just one of those people who believe in fighting for what I have. But I guess my emotions fight harder than my brain does when it comes to love or what I think is love. I just want to make someone happy but I don't want to have to "give in" to unreasonable demands to make it happen. Having a hobby that takes MAYBE 4 hours out of my life every 3 or 4 months does not make me a bad person.

Anyway. I'm single, 35 and live in Chicago! LOL

But really, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words you all have told me.

Hmmm lemmie answer those!

1. Slowly eliminate your friends from your life? Yep. She wanted me to stop talking to my best friend of 6 years cause of the fight.

2. Alienate your family? she saw them three times in one year.

3. Make you feel guilty for doing things without her, but she didn't invite you to do things with her? Yes on prt 1 but no on part 2. I was always invited.

4. Get mad and start arguments over petty things? Then want you to apologize even though you were not at fault? Y

5. Control things like sex, when you do it, for how long, and things like that? n

6. She talks trash about you to her freinds. no
7. She humiliates you in front of freinds
and family? n

8. When something is her fault, it is still YOUR fault? y

9. Has double standards for what you do, and what she can do? n

10. She accuses you of looking at other women if they are present, and gets angry. (You aren't but she is insecure about herself, and she is controlling). YES

Answer 1

Had a g/f like this, not this bad, but sort of like this. Did she do these things?:

1. Slowly eliminate your friends from your life?
2. Alienate your family?
3. Make you feel guilty for doing things without her, but she didn't invite you to do things with her?
4. Get mad and start arguments over petty things? Then want you to apologize even though you were not at fault?
5. Control things like sex, when you do it, for how long, and things like that?
6. She talks trash about you to her freinds.
7. She humiliates you in front of freinds and family?
8. When something is her fault, it is still YOUR fault?
9. Has double standards for what you do, and what she can do?
10. She accuses you of looking at other women if they are present, and gets angry. (You aren't but she is insecure about herself, and she is controlling).

Yep! Been through that nonesense! You have to seriously look for another woman, you will feel soooooo much better! Then you will forget all about this psycho. Do all the things she used to get mad at you doing, you will enjoy life a lot more.

I would not EVER contact her again, she finds pleasure in seeing that she can still control you, even when she is not around. Let some other sucker deal with this weirdo!

Answer 2

Well...you still miss her because you are used to having someone there all the time, when you come home, when you wake up, etc... The pain will go away with time. Just go out with friends, have some fun! Dont waste your life away because of one woman! It didnt work out, so it wasnt meant to be. All you can do is learn from the relationship and hope that it will make you a better person in your next relationship. there is definitely someone better for you...you may think its too late or you will never love anyone like you loved her...truth is, breakups get harder and harder every single time! Getting through the heart ache is one of the hardest, most painful things to do! But life goes on and on and on...etc. You prob still want her because she knows you and you dont want to start all over again and getting to know someone, etc... But hey, lifes an adventure you never know what your next journey will bring. It could be alot of fun! Even better than the one you had! So go on...get out in that big world and see what else it has for you! No more missing the hateful control freak! Who wants one of those anyways?! That isnt normal!....good luck on your next adventure in life....live with no regrets...take the good with the bad....and what doesnt kill you makes you stronger! ...its true!

Answer 3

It would definately be to your advantage to move on and find another girlfriend. This was not love that the two of you had. It was control and lack of respect. 1 Corinthians 13, in the Bible, tells us what real love is.

Love is partient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Answer 4

I wish I had a boyfriend like you..it's her loss. Honestly, it will take a while for you to get over this.. trust me, i've been there with my ex boyfriend and now that I think about.. i'm glad he's out of my life. i still get depressed about the way he treated me.. he always chose his friends over me which really hurt and after that he decided he needed a "break" and even til now.. I still dont know why he took that break. But everything happens for a reason. I'm learning to deal with this brek up everyday.. but i'm doing good now and so will you. :)