Hi,
I'm a mid-thirties straight female. Mid last year I joined a new company and met a male colleague. I knew the second he set eyes on me he was attracted to me and since then he has flirted with me, followed me outside for a smoke and made any excuse to talk to me. At one point he even intimated that we should go for a drink, however I didn't take him up on it. In time I started to fall for him, quite badly but was too cautious to do anything about it.
And today I find out that he is gay. My suspicions were aroused a while back when I saw him out shopping with another guy. Have I been reading too much into this? Have I been part of an act to appear straight? I can't help but feel a bit disappointed since I really did like him.
Can anyone help here?
2007-03-02 06:33:41 · 15 answers · asked by Wessex gal 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Just to explain further - he doesn't really have any male mates at work, isn't a footie fan and doesn't talk about any exes and it seems to be becoming known round work with no denial from him - he seems to be keeping a very low profile at the moment.
Have to admit I do feel a little 'used' and disappointed - I really do like him in many ways. I'd like to know what was going on, bit scared to ask him and would prefer to stay friends. Feel he's been avoiding me since our paths don't seem to be crossing nearly so much, fear he thinks I'm going to be cross
2007-03-02 07:07:06 · update #1
You know... he's done nothing wrong.
He could have told you he's gay, but maybe he didn't feel comfortable coming out to his work colleagues too early.
Maybe, when he invited you for a drink, he really wanted to come out to you!
It sounds like he genuinly likes you, enjoys your company and loves you for who you really are. Cherish that. He can be your best friend for life. Your friendship can be much closer than to anyother man or, in some cases, even a woman.
Talk to him openly. Everything will be fine, you'll see.
2007-03-02 06:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by M 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, how did you find out he was gay? Did someone else tell you this? If so, you cannot rely alone on this information.
Secondly, if he has fancied guys before - this alone is insufficient to make him gay. Bisexual males are, or have been, attracted to both genders at different points of their lives.
It is possible that he is bisexual. Unfortunately, society assumes that people are either gay or straight with no in-between. Just because society assumes this, it doesn't mean its correct. The only way you can find out for sure about this guy is by getting to know him directly i.e. not through someone else.
There is a possibility if he is gay that he might have wanted to appear straight. You won't know whether this is the case until you get to know him. A third person telling you that he is gay might be one of those who can only see in black and white.
If he is bisexual, then you might want to learn the truth about bisexuality if you don't know much about it. Bisexuality is an orientation in its own right, and is no more or less healthy than the other two.
2007-03-03 03:19:10 · answer #2 · answered by nemesis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey try being a gay guy, and mixing day to day with straight people. Some are really friendly and often flirty, so it is easy to think they fancy you in return if given so many signals over a long time. It is a pain when it is apparent they are definitely straight, and it hurts cause you believed there was something in it when it didn't exist except in your head.
Just cause he was friendly etc, doesn't mean he was using you. Surely you can chat etc and just be good friends. Is he now starting to ignore you because you are stirring up trouble for him? Its not easy for someone to come out as gay, either leave him alone or just settle for a good friendship if you can.
2007-03-02 19:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by rikerlock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a gay man myself I really don't see why you are upset. It is you who say he was flirting with you. Could be he was trying to make new friends and saw you as a friendly person. How you come to the conclusion that you have been "used" in this is way beyond me. Can't someone of either sex invite you out for a drink without it being construed that it is an invitation to jump into bed?
The chap has every right to keep his sexuality to himself, he doesn't have to shout from the rooftop that he is gay, neither does he have to feel guilty about it. In short, stop generalising!
2007-03-03 16:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by Raymo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be possible that he is bi-sexual but other than that he is probably just a really friendly guy thought he would click with you and wants to be a mate - talk to him and tell him you feel a bit confused. Did he actually tell you he was gay? Guys out shopping together doesn't mean they are gay!!
2007-03-02 14:40:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
do you really know that he is gay? or was this just a nasty rumor/gossip?
shopping with another guy doesn't mean he is gay.
even if he is gay, could be his interests in you were more of a friendship basis and you were just reading things wrong..
have a chat with him and ask him outright what his intensions are
2007-03-02 14:48:41 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many years ago i had a crush on a guy and he was honest with me telling me he was gay from the start,He was my best friend but sadly we lost touch.Be his friend every girl should have one lol
2007-03-06 09:39:28 · answer #7 · answered by spuddylicious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have been part of an act to appear straight to his work colleagues.
Forget him I am sure there is a man out there for you. Good luck.
2007-03-02 14:41:51 · answer #8 · answered by ABC,123 ..i could go on 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG!!! Have you actually sat down with him and actually asked how he feels about you before spouting your bitchy mouth off saying he is gay????? I doubt it, because otherwise you wouldn't be here making snide remarks about someone you supposedly call a friend.
2007-03-02 22:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be he just thought you and he could be good friends. I have met many great looking, great personality guys who I would definatly go out with, but they are gay. We have been friends instead.
2007-03-02 14:41:14 · answer #10 · answered by Nepetarias 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋