When people get involved in a relationship, both partners often make compromises to please the other person. However, when does it go from changing small things for the one you love to changing your fundamental core character? I personally wouldn't mind making ajustments in a relationship but some things I couldn't see myself changing about myself, they are just too integral to my personality. I couldn't change those traits and still be true to myself. I suppose it requires finding the balance between compromising for the one you love and still retaining your honest inner identitiy at the same time. What do you think?
2007-03-02 06:16:08 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you are forced to change something about yourself, you are agreeing that you are not good enough. This is very dangerous and can have a huge impact on your self esteem and how you begin to feel about the other person. I was in a relationship where I felt pressured to always maintain a perfect image, which is not who I am. At first, I justified it as "He is only wanting me to put forth a good image." But, really what he was saying is - the way you look is more important than who you are. I became resentful and angry, and began to have self doubt, which is FAR from my personality. In the end, I ended up losing the guy to gain back my self esteem! I now believe that exactly how I am is exactly how I am supposed to be. So, the next guy will either love it or leave me alone!
2007-03-02 06:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by TwinkaTee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change is a scary thing. Would I stop leaving my clothes on the bathroom floor after I come home from work if it bothered my partner, yes. Would I change my friends because someone didn't like them, no. You can compromise without loosing yourself in the other person or becoming a clone. Difference makes a relationship interesting. Staying true to who you are is important. Whether you eat ice cream out of the carton or a bowl shouldn't make anyone love you any less! Good luck!
2007-03-02 06:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by itsjustme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can't be an either/or thing. These are issues that each couple must face individually. There are things I have changed to please my partner, and there are things that I have not changed. The same is true for him.
The basis of our relationship is that we each individually know and respect ourselves, and love and respect one another. Each of us has the right to say to the other, 'I feel uncomfortable with ...' to give the other an opportunity to see if the discomfort is being generated by something the other is doing - knowingly or not - to disrespect or distance himself from the other. There are times when I've said, "Oh, wow, I see what you mean. You're right. I will _____." There have been other times when I've said, "No, I don't think there's anything unreasonable or fishy going on from my end of things." This gives us each a chance to take responsibility for our own feelings and actions.
We've been together for 15 years. This mutual respect (coupled with deep love) has worked very well for us. Even in our anger and in our arguments we continue to respect one another. If either of us feels inclined to say something cruel in order to hurt the other (out of anger, fear, or hurt) we have generally been very good to say, "I need to go stay with my feelings for a few minutes." This gives us each the opportunity to take direct responsibility for what is driving the desire to hurt the other. Every single time it has come down to a question of "I am hurt" or "I am afraid" or "I am angry."
And it is SO much more productive to say to one's life partner, "I am afraid that if you go to night classes you will develop new interests and leave me behind" than to say, "Sculpture? Are you kidding? You can't even make a decent hamburger patty!"
Love always wins. And respect is the referee.
2007-03-02 06:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by pasdeberet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would prefer someone to love me for who i am, however some sun signs (like pisces) are mutable, which means that we tend to configure to whatever situation we are in. So we will reinvent ourseves to the situation at hand.
Compromise is okay as long as its on both ends and one person is not giving more than the other.
We have to notice are weak areas so people wont try to take advantage of them, then this question wouldn't be necessary for people to ask.
2007-03-02 06:25:16 · answer #4 · answered by Ma Baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change is not a bad thing, it is a constant in life. Change only if it betters you and those around you, like you said compromise is required to make anything work. Keep in mind, when you truly love someone, you accept them as they are.
2007-03-02 06:21:06 · answer #5 · answered by lovin' life... 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. In a relationship there should be things you're willing to change about yourself (like your habit of leaving socks on the floor or your fondness for going clubbing) and there should be somethings that you will not compromise on (like religion, or vegetarianism). You need to just figure out what these "core characteristics" are and figure out what your spouse's core characteristic are, too, and work around them. You both need to make allowances for such things.
2007-03-02 06:22:11 · answer #6 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why people date to find someone whose core values and character are compatible, the small stuff will take care of itself. Unfortunately too many people ignore the big issues thinking things will change and love will overcome, thats why you have a 50+% divorce rate.
2007-03-02 06:21:45 · answer #7 · answered by cimra 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I can change who I am. I can improve who I am by strengthening my better qualities and diminishing my lesser qualities. I can make compromises to have a happy relationship. But if I wanted someone to change who there were, I'd probably find a new partner.
2007-03-02 06:21:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. Sometimes small changes are necessary to appease the other person, and sometimes can be beneficial to yourself as well. But when there are too many thing that person want to change about you, or you want to change about them, then whats the point? Then you cant really say you love them or even like them, that's when it because just physical because to really love someone is to accept them for who they are, flaws and all. You cant change someone into who or what you want them to be.
2007-03-02 06:21:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are correct and that's why a lot of relationships don't make it...when the initial attraction wears off, one party or the other starts trying to change things about the other person and finally, it gets to be too much.
If you don't like someone for who they are, move on...someone will.
2007-03-02 06:19:16 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋