Should I tell my mom about the circumcision?

Question

I may be getting circumcised because a doctor said it would help clear my ballanitis infection. Insurance will pay for it, which I'm under my mom's still (I'm 22, in my last yr. of college). So should I tell her about it before or after, or at all? I don't want to make her feel bad like she made the wrong decision by not circumcising as a baby, but is there any way she could find out through insurance? They say it's confidential (the nurses) and that she can't find out, but it IS her insurance. What if she looked into what procedures / medical stuff was covered for the year?

-Thanks

she didn't have me circumcised because I was born premature and the doctor told her it wasn't 100% safe to do it on me.

Answer 1

Good for your mom for leaving you whole and leaving this choice up to you. At least as an adult you will get anesthetic and proper pain management afterwards.

I would only tell her after you have exhausted all other avenues of treatment.

First get some more opinions. balanitis is often caused by yeast. you won't find a single woman in the world who would willingly remove part of her genitals to cure even the most fearsome yeast infection.

Balanitis can be cured without radical amputative surgery. Be sure you try everything. You will miss your foeskin when its gone.

Answer 2

I know your mother will feel bad for you and the situation. We parents are always wondering if we have done the right thing.

The truth is that her insurance company will send her a statement of coverage after the procedure is done. It will say what the procedure was (although it may only say surgery) and how much the company will pay for, and then what her financial responsibility is (even if you paid the doctor at the time of service, it shows what patient responsibility is). She does not have access to your medical records unless you have listed her name as a person who the doctor may contact and have access to your record, but the insurance company will send her a statement.

I personally feel you should tell her. At the minimum you should say that you are having "a procedure done to clear the infection" without givng specific details because
1) hiding it from her will hurt her when she finds out and
2)she will see that you had some sort of surgical procedure done through the insurance and will ask you about it then
3)even if she decided not to circumsize you as a baby, that decision was made on either religious reasons or the medical belief at the time. She was acting on what she thought was best and circumstances change.

Discuss this with your doctor. Does he/she think you developed this infection SPECIFICALLY because you were not circumsized? It would be hard to say that being uncircumsized is the only possible reason. When you are able to find out what all caused the infection and that being uncirmcumsized was only a minor factor if at all, then that will help ease her guilt. Having the procdedure done will help clear the infection, but I can't imagine that it is the ONLY reason for the infection.

This subject is so very sensitve and I pray the best for you.

Answer 3

Your mom, no matter what, is your mom, and will always understand that you're making a decision for a reason. I'm sure she'd want to know. Do what you feel is right man; and remember, while it may be easy not to tell her and just get it done, easy isn't always right.

Edit: If you're also dead set against telling her, but are concerned about her insurance notifying her, you might want to look into whether or not your university insurance (if you have it) will cover it. I know for mine, the university insurance company was willing to pay for it provided I got a referral from the student health center and had the operation done either at the university medical center, or within a certain radius of the university. All I did was change my billing address on my insurance profile to my apartment at school as opposed to home. Anyway, just a thought.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision, whether it's telling her or not. Listen to your heart and your head.

Answer 4

Although it is confidential, there is probably a co-pay that will be billed. Our insurance bills the co-pay that has the date of the procedure, the doctor, and some medical code that describes what was done, but you can figure out what it is. (i.e. My most recent says OB/GYN Preg Det. meaning OB/GYN doctor and pregnancy was determined.)

I would tell her and let her know she didn't make a wrong decision. Some things just happen in life and this is one of them. I'm sure she might feel a little miffed if you didn't tell her and then ended up getting the insurance letter in the mail. Plus, her finding out later might make things awkward later as well.

Answer 5

The procedure you are having done is confidential thru the doctor's office and if she were to call on them and ask she could not find out... but when the EOB comes in from Insurance it will tell all and have where it was done, who did it and when it happened and some even have the procedure codes with an explanation next to it.. so if I were you I would start talking to your mother and it will be rather obvious something is bothering you after it is done.. it is going to hurt and itch as it heals. You are an adult and you should be able to talk to her.. no matter what.. this should not make her feel bad. It just was not popular 20 yrs ago. Today there is still on going battle to get it done or not. I have worked in a urology clinic and see many men coming in to get it done.. usually due to infections.. so this is a good choice you are making. Good luck.
*Just like to say in the Jewish religion they have a brisk and circumsise the baby.. Jesus was a Jew. To the one above preaching on what God gave ya.

Answer 6

First of all get yourself a different doctor.

This guy is a quack. A competent doctor can treat an intact penis without mutilating it. If you were a female they could treat even worse problems without cutting.

Other than that your records are confidential, it is a federal crime to release health records to other people. There would be no notification to the policy holder, the only thing might be a bill from the hospital/doctor for any deductable amount (and that would not say what it is for, what ever good that does)

Answer 7

If it's her insurance she will find out. They mail statements and such explaining what's been covered etc. The insurance may not even cover ALL of it. So the doctor or hospital will send a bill out for the remainder of the cost. You are 22, just get it done. It's your "johnson", not moms. She will understand. THe best thing to do is tell her from the beginning.

Answer 8

It is clear that you have some choices.
On getting it done...
I would think you should go ahead. Balanitis is treatable with antibiotics but it tends to reoccur. Get it done, then it will be over with and both you and your future 'intended' will not have to worry about it again.
On telling Mom...
I know this can be difficult and you might well get away without her knowing that you had it done.
But why? Had you not been born prematurely she would probably have had you done at birth? My advice ... if you can possibly handle it, tell her before you get circumcised. Ask for her advice and support. It is most likely she will tell you it would be better to be done and she'll give you strong support.

While it is too bad you weren't done as a baby, it is great that you will have it done now. Best wishes

Answer 9

Well your mom won't know what you had done, but chances are she'll know that you had something done. Depending on how close you are with mom, you can just say you had something done to clear chronic infections and that its kinda personal and she probably doesn't really want to know. If your insurance company won't send her anything about it, you don't have to tell her at all. I understand your situation as I don't tell my mom or dad anything that goes on 'down there' either.

Answer 10

You are over 18 and i feel that that is personal information. I do not think you shoudl tell your mom. I have to add that if you feel like you need to talk to your mom about it, then do. Just because you are a man does not mean you can't share this personal information ok?

If you still feel like you don't want to tell her and if you are paying for the bill, then don't tell her. If you don't tell her and she asks you, then be honest. Again, it is personal information and i would keep it to yourself if you can. Don't feel bad about her making that decison when you were born. Things happen and it's not her fault. If it comes down to you telling her, make sure she know this.

Good luck on the suregery.