My husband and I have been married for nearly 3 years and I am 14 weeks pregnant after a year of trying. His younger sister has been married for over a year and started trying just a few months after the wedding. She found out she has pcos and her husband also has some kind of problem. She is EXTREMELY sensitive about this and I was the only one she talked to because she took comfort in that I was trying even longer than her. Now her younger sister is 6 months pregnant and I am 14 weeks. I really need to tell her because my hubby has been starting to tell people. How would you tell her the news? I know she'll be happy for me but also very jealous.
2007-03-02 04:55:02 · 9 answers · asked by nyyankeesg1rl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
If I were in you position I would do my best to break it to her lightly, maybe take her aside and tell her privately. I would say that there is something I needed to tell her, and that it was very important to me that I tell her, not anyone else. Hearsay will make her feel worse than if you tell her yourself.
I would tell her in a way to say that even though it took so long to try to have a baby that it's possible and she should keep trying, and having fun while she's doing it! I would not bring up anything to do with her or her PCOS, mostly because she doesn't need to be reminded. I'd make it about how long it took me and that I was happy. She will be happy for you if she is at all supportive.
As a barren woman, I can tell you that the news would be bittersweet. It's easy to be happy for someone, but at the same time you're reminded of your own problems and inability to produce a child. That's why it's essential that you don't bring up her condition. She knows her condition and it weighs on her mind by itself without having to be told about it.
Be as supportive as you can be about her condition if it is brought up. She will be happy for you, and if she does become jealous then that is her issue that she must deal with.
But tell her soon and tell her yourself. If my sister, or sister in-law didn't tell me because I am the way that I am and I heard it from someone else I would be devastated. Don't let fear of her feelings keep you from talking to her. If you tell her that you waited because of her condition and you were afraid of how she felt, she might be hurt. It's a sticky situation, but be supportive for her when you need to be.
I hope you all the best for you, your child and your family.
2007-03-02 05:15:43 · answer #1 · answered by nerosbane 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a delicate situation. You don't want her to get hurt that you didn't tell her yourself, but you know that she's going to be hurt anyway.
I think that I would probably call her. That way she doesn't have to keep a "happy face" in front of you, and you can allow her a quick end to the conversation if she so wishes.
Other than that, you should just tell her. "SIL, I wanted to be the one to tell you and I didn't want you to hear it from someone else. We just found out that we're pregnant."
Don't voluntarily divulge details about the pregnancy because sometimes to an emotional woman who is trying to get pregnant they sound like bragging. If she has questions answer them, but allow her to direct the amount of information that is shared in that first conversation.
You are a sweet SIL to be so sensitive to her feelings when you've been trying for so long yourself. Big hugs to you for being so wonderful to her right now.
Oh, and many congratulations on your baby!
2007-03-02 13:08:47 · answer #2 · answered by InAMoment 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh, how tuff.
i understand that you need to tell her soon. its soo hard how she'll really take it because of course she will be jealous, jealously can aslo turn in to anger which can also turn into depression if not felt already.congrats by the way. the joy of being a mother is like nothing else. watching that little person grow up to look and act like you is a life changing exprence.
just make sure that you include her with everything, she might ignore the feeling of jealously if she too busy with your baby.
pray for her, put some positve enegry towards her, shes going to need it, good luck
2007-03-02 13:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Karolina m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult thing. It will be hard for her. I had to do a pretty similar thing. I just came out and said it, not in a mean way but in a soft way. Letting her know that i understood that it was hard for her and it was ok to be upset and hurt. It's ok and i'm sure she's not jealous but envious. It is better that she hear it from you and not from someone else, so I would do it soon.
2007-03-02 13:43:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just explain to her that everyone is different.When the time is right it will happen.It's hard, believe me I do know, But in the long run she will be more grateful for your honesty.Just listen to her feelings because she needs to let it all out.Tell her that maybe she was meant to have a baby after everyone else so her baby would be the center of attention.Hopefully it will make her feel better for the time being.Good luck!
2007-03-02 13:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by cynomynG 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have somone else in the family tell her first, like her mother or father? She might feel very angry and she should be able to express that without worrying about hurting your feelings because its not you she would be mad at just the situation, which i think you understand anyway. Once she knows you can talk to her about it and im sure she'll be happy for you whatever happens with her. Its still not impossible for her to get pregnant
2007-03-02 13:03:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sure she will feel jealousy but I think as a woman who also has been trying she would understand your joy though she may not be enthusiatic at first. Perhaps if you go to tell her and word it right something along the lines of "Well finally after all of this trying, it happened for us." she would remember that she should be happy for you even if it isnt natural for her to feel that way. Best of luck!
2007-03-02 13:01:45 · answer #7 · answered by Brittany S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that I would feel cut to the core if I wasn't told by you and your husband! It would hurt more if I had to hear it from another family member. Be honest.
Yes, there will be some jealousy, but if she really cares about you, she'll be truly happy for you.
2007-03-02 13:06:16 · answer #8 · answered by Halo Rayn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well a few things
- it's his sister have him tell her (you don't need the stress),or
maybe ya'll can sit down together
- he needs to tell her soon because she is going to be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hurt if she finds out from someone else
- and lastly has she considered adoptions or have someone else carry thier child?
2007-03-02 14:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by adamsmainestarr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋