I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and love him, but he is very lazy and I’m not sure he will ever be able to provide for a family. We always said I would be the one working and he would stay at home with the kids, however when it comes down to it I’m not sure that really what I want. He says he supports my decision either way that it is my choice and I can't decide what I should do I could use some good advice.
2007-03-02 04:42:23 · 59 answers · asked by bandm 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I would never tell another woman what to do but here is but my story is exactly the same as yours. At 22 I was slaving my way through college and 2 jobs when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend of 4 years treated me well and was a nice guy but he never worked a day and could never support me if I needed him. Everything inside me screamed to have an abortion and thats what I did. I eventually left him but not for that reason. I decided to get on with my own life.I am 27 now. I recently found out I am pregnant again. I am getting married this month to a wonderful guy who will support me and he is so excited about the baby even though we didnt plan it. Now everything inside me is screaming about how happy I am to be having a baby now. I guess now more than ever I am convinced of how unready I was at the time for the child, I chose myself and my education above all and a lot of people would call that selfish but it was my choice and I dont regret it. Hope this helps.
2007-03-02 05:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Bored 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I agree it is a womans right to choose, but I also agree that it will affect you emotionally, physically and spiritually to have an abortion. I know it is hard to say but you need to seek counseling. Deciding to abort your child (this is a flesh and blood human being growing inside of you that is part of you and part of your bf) is not only an end to the pregnancy but more than likely will be the end of your relationship. If you are questioning so decisively that you are not sure he can handle the relationship maybe you need to think about you and your child instead of you and him. 22 as a single mom is HARD but living with a deadbeat for 20 years is harder. If he is not willing to grow up and be responsible now and is pushing you to have an abortion, how much does he really love you? And is love really the question? It takes a lot more than love to keep a relationship going.
If you are coming here looking for answers than you probably don't feel like you have someone to talk to about the whole situation. Look at this webpage and find your state. Although no one can stop you from deciding to abort your child, having the positive life outlook for your decision and more than one option might make it easier. BTW my mother works in a clinic that has to do abortion procedures so I am not just trying to give you a onesided opinion. Good luck and may you be at peace with whatever your decision is.
http://www.lifecall.org/
2007-03-02 05:21:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When facing an unplanned pregnancy you have 3 choices: keep the baby, choose adoption, or abortion. Each of these choices has long term effects for both you and your baby. Although abortion may seem to be the quick answer to your dilemma, many women later regret having had an abortion.
If parenting isn't for you and/or your boyfriend right now, then you might consider adoption. Contrary to what others may think, adoption is a very courageous and loving choice and shows that you are truly putting the best interest of your baby before all else -- the most important thing a mother can do for her child. I am an adoptive mom myself and I'm truly grateful my daughter's biological mother chose life for her. If you would like more information about adoption I'd be happy to answer as much as I can and/or refer you to professionals in your area.
Whatever you decide, remember you have to live with that decision the rest of your life. Just be sure to know what all your options are before making your decision.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
2007-03-02 04:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by MommaGeek 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, first, your age really shouldn't matter in whether or not you should have an abortion - except in the case if you worry about your health afterward. Then, you are young enough to bounce back from the procedure.
Now abortion being the hot issue it is today, please take the time to really think for YOURSELF. Sit down and literally write a list of the reasons why you would have the child and another list of reasons why you wouldn't have the child. Start with the reasons you listed here and keep going. Then when you feel you are done, then compare the two lists. Which one seems to outweigh the other? And could you live with the decision you make if you made it? I mean REALLY live with it - several lives will be affected by this. You cannot make your decision based on what anyone else thinks but yourself. If you feel in a bind. please see a counselor or therapist or go to your local Planned Parenthood center in which the trained counselors will help you make your decision either way you wish to go - and they are there to help you every step of the way.
Take care.
2007-03-02 05:28:45 · answer #4 · answered by lanibear55 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it is a personal decision that only you can make. Although you need the support from your partner and he has a say as well. Everyone has there own opinions on abortion. That is not my place to give you a direct answer to that. But what I will say is that you need to explore all options. Whether you keep the baby or find another answer. Think of the financial aspect, childcare, whether or not you are emotionally ready to care for a child for the rest of your life? I would suggest going to your local planned parenthood with your partner. There they can give you all of the information that you could possibly need. Also, I would really think heavily into adoption. There are many many many families that desperately want a child but for one reason or another cannot. I would even be willing to bet that there's many in your local area. Many families would love to have open communication for both sets of the birth parents.
Think about it and seek help and guidance. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-03-02 05:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by janellekel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in the freedom of choice, so it is your choice to kill the child, but can you live with yourself after you do? Afterall, you are killing a part of you, something that is part you and the lazy bf. I know, kinda sounds like I am pro-life, but I think that if you were raped, then you should have the choice, but since this is not the case here, its your choice, however, there are many, many, many couples out there that would love to have your baby. So, you should adopt it out.
The next thing I want to address is your lazy bf. First, if you feel he isn't father material, why are you having sex with him? Second, if he isn't man enough to provide for his wife or child, then throw him to the curb. He is only using you. Any decent man would work, or try to work, and not have his woman supporting his lazy @$$. Tell him to get a job. If I was you, I would tell him you are having the baby, and it is his, and you are going to keep it. If he leaves you, then you are better off, but you can tell him that you will make him pay child support, or he can be put in jail.
Anyhow, I got off the main question there, sorry. The choice is yours, but you do have to live with whatever decision you make. So, weigh your options and choose wisely.
2007-03-02 04:59:57 · answer #6 · answered by George P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very aggravating to answer because you knew what kind of man he was before you got pregnant.
I'm 22 yrs old and am pregnant with my second child. My husband is far from lazy but if he were than i wouldn't be with him in the first place.
4yrs is a long time to be with someone. Having an abortion may haunt you for the rest of your life. If he's not going to be a stand up guy why not so it on your own, he's not going to be working anyways. Do you make enough to support him and a baby and yourself? I'm sorry but my child is more important than anyone else in this world, i don't care how much i love a man nothing compares to my babies!
If your not happy than tell him to get off your couch and get a job! Since he's going to support you and your decisions than he'll have to respect you when you say be a man, right!
You're 22 yrs old it's time to grow up, take care of your responsibility's and put your foot down.
2007-03-02 04:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An abortion should not be used as an easy way out. If your healthy and the baby is healthy then you shoud both take responsibility for what you have created. It's ok if you have changed your mind about his laziness and he needs to learn that especially when a woman is pregnant she has the right to change her mind about her expectations in life. Time to get his lazy butt off the couch and provide everything he can for the woman he loves and the baby he wasn't too lazy to create. An abortion shoudn't be used just because or for circumstances that you are able to change. When your baby is born you would never dream of abortion and if you do, give it the option of adoption. There is no sense in killing it just because you got a lazy man.
2007-03-02 04:55:56 · answer #8 · answered by vanillashimmer21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide, make sure it is 100% what YOU want. Don't base your decision solely on what everyone here has told you, and most definitely don't let your boyfriend make the choice for you (or influence your decision). Keep in mind that no matter what you choose, you'll live with it for the rest of your life.
Think about if you'll be able to support the child, financially and emotionally. Like others have said, think of all your options. I know its a tough decision to make, but deep down you probably have a gut instinct telling you what is right for you.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
2007-03-02 04:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by tommygirl86711 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An abortion is a womans choice regardless if he supports your decision or not. You need to think about YOU! what do you want? are you ready for a baby? How is your financial situation now? whos money you living off of? what will you do after the baby comes? can you still live where you are living now?
A Baby isn't cheep. You need to think of your future and take in to consideration of YOU and YOUR needs! No one can tell you to abort or have the baby. You need to decide on your own what to do.
I know you are going to get a lot of hateful answers stating abortion is murder (technically it isn't) and all the BS but remember abortion is a womans' CHOICE! You don't have to go through the pregnancy if you don't want to. Especially if you are not ready to be a mother. Think of your self first not what everyone else wants.
Good Luck and I wish you the best!
If you want to chat or just need someone to talk with e-mail me Lannaheena@yahoo.com
2007-03-02 04:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋