My husband always says, "But I didn't mean to..." or "Honey, do you know I wasn't trying to hurt you?" or some other line about intention when he has come home late without calling, or spouting off some digger to me... he thinks that unless he's staying out late to hurt my feelings, he should be able to walk in the door and I should welcome him with open arms, and that when he makes comments that hurt me, I should know he wouldn't do that "intentionally" so it shouldn't hurt me... what do you think?
2007-03-02 04:15:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
explain that intention means determination to act a certain way,an intended goal. that being married is about respect- to consider worthy in high regard, to pay attention. which does he think represents the marriage? tell him all your asking for is the respect you deserve by a phone call, I'm sorry when he hurts your feelings etc.. marriage works two ways you cant do it alone. maybe knowing the meaning of the words, he will apologize and start respecting you . and your feelings should be validated, not thrown out with that's not what i was meaning to do. anyone knows that if you want to do something bad enough, no matter what you'll find a way to do it. let it be calling or what ever. he just didn't want to. he would deal with you when he got home like had done before. i don't think you can make him do anything he don't want to do but explaining the two meanings might help. just a thought.
2007-03-02 04:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by sassy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe people can non-intentionally hurt you, a couple of times. After that, it is plain intentional. If you have raised your concerns, then he knows how it affects you. It's either that, or you may believe his intentions are not positive towards your relationship. Or you are too sensitive? A phone call if he's late is the least he should do. If he doesnt, then he is not listening to what you are saying.
2007-03-02 04:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by crankystar 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Intention does matter but he should also take your feelings into consideration. If he knows that you do not like him staying out late and he stays out late he is hurting your feelings and he intends to do. Intention merely means that you are aware of the consequences of your actions.
2007-03-02 04:19:31 · answer #3 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. He needs to start considering your feelings before he does things. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was on the receiving end of the situation?
2007-03-02 04:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he makes excuses so u will redirect the anger and hopefully see he didn't do this deliberately. so he will not have to be confronted and have to explain. but he is responsible for the things he does to hurt u, he doesn't want u to focus the blame on him, just an excuse to get out of trouble really. what other way is it but intentional. just a defense mechanism so he will not have to be accountable.
2007-03-02 05:38:48 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think he needs a reality check. thoes things do hurt. what if you came home late and without a call? would he be oh, thats ok i know you didnt mean to come home late and not call. people like that are just jerks. sorry, but they are. they some how think its ok to "unintentionally", say hurtful things to people. they only think about themselves.
2007-03-02 04:31:00 · answer #6 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My EX did that all the time and when I realized the excuses were not supported, all hell broke loose.
I think he should be more understanding and show a little respect for your feelings. He is being a jerk!
2007-03-02 04:19:17 · answer #7 · answered by bwtiger0 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to grow up as you have no intention of staying with a whiner who uses excuses.
2007-03-02 04:21:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's a cop-out, a lame excuse. He doesn't want to take responsibility for hurting you.
2007-03-02 04:24:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Like Yoda says:
There is do or do not, there is no "trying".
or one of my favorite quotes:
"Of good intentions is paved the road to hell".
Good luck
2007-03-02 04:19:40 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋