Anyone "remarried with children?"?

Question

I have been in a serious relationship for two years now with a man who is wonderful and has been there for me unconditionally.
He has taken on my 6 year old son and I consider him my sons dad even though his biological dad is in his life in a fake kind of way.
I was a single mom for three to four years and was very independednt and naturally put my son first in my life.
My partner and I will get married one day and we both know that we are "the one" for each other. He treats my son so well and I know he loves
me unconditionally. We do have some problems however that I would really like to get figured out as it does cause stress in out relationship.
My partner says that I come across as I treat my son with more importance then him. I will say that this
is probably true. I treat my son in the way that I know I am the only thing he really has in his life as most of his family
do not care and are very phoney. I put almost all of my energy into him.

I put alot of energy into my partner also. I cook and clean, leave him
messages and do creative loving things for him like notes and massages and things. He appreciates them but says he feels like I could be more loving.
This confuses me as I love him with all my heart. Me not coming across as loving as he would like, and him not understanding how i do truly love him along with
guilt towards loyalty to my son is our downfall in our relationship. How can I proberly balance this? We are the typicall
"remarried with children" type realtionship and I want to marry this man and live happily. Anyone been here before? if so, how did you
balance you realtiohip with your new partner and you children after having been a single mom for so long? Any advice taken. THanks!

Answer 1

Yes, because you feel guilty about your son not having a father, you tend to overcompensate in many ways, love, gifts, attention etc.

By having someone else in your life, you may feel as if your are "betraying" your son by sharing with your heart with someone else, because you don;t want your son to feel abandoned again. You heart is very big and yes, you can love your son and your boyfriend at the same time. You don't have to exclude you bf and give all teh attention to the child and vice-versa, you have to reach a middleground.

Don't push a good man away just because you feel guilty. Let him in or you are going to be left alone. If he is a good man as you say and you are serious about each other, then is time to trust him and giving the credit that he deserves. He is good to you and your son, so learn to poen the door for your man and let him into your family. Stop making him feel rejected, you may unknowingly do it and now that he brought it up to your attention is time to make corrective actons if you want this relationship for the long run.

Cooking and cleaning alone won't do. A man also needs attention and affection. Is the same thing as if yuou would only expect from your man to pay the bills for example. It's ok to send you son to the babysitter once in a while and spend some quality time with your boyfriend alone. There is nothing wrong with that and your son, now that he is older, can socialize with other kids, have sleepovers etc. This is perfectly normal and healthy for your son, yourself and your relationship.

Good luck

Answer 2

It doesn't sound as though your future husband is comfortable sharing your time. He may show love and affection for your son, but I believe he has a bit of jealousy when it comes to you putting him first. This is something that you will need to get through to him. Your son was in your life before he was and he will have to accept the fact that kids will always take a front seat. Assure him that when your son is old enough to be on his own that your attention will change, but until then a child and his mother require that bond. If he can't understand that and agree with it, then he may be a bit immature. You may also take a look at whether you jump every time your son yells if you are spending quality time with your man. Your son does have to be taught that mom and the man she chooses to have a relationship with need uninterrupted time to be alone. This is harder for little ones to understand, but they can be taught. It's a matter of learning to compromise and communicate to make a relationship work.

Answer 3

I can relate to how you are feeling and why because i am remarried to my husband and we have 3 children that live at home with us. At firs it was very hard for me to put my husband above my kids and now i have learned how to do so and am much better off for it. If you choose to marry this man you will have to respect and love him as a wife should. Your son will have to take second place to him except for the case of abuse. You really should not treat your son as more important then him because this is not the right way to treat your spouse when you are married. JMHO. The Bible does state the Spouse should come first and then the children and others and yourself last. Also think of it this way ..... your son will grow up and get married and leave home someday but your husband is supposed to live with you til death do you part. Yes you should always love and treasure your kids BUT your marriage is what lasts a lifetime.

Answer 4

I have 4 children 2 with my first husband and 2 with my current husband. Men typically feel left out once there are children in the relationship. I understand it , my number one priority is my children. He is an adult and can wait for me in my opinion. He feels left out sometimes and definitely is more caring to his biological children. He also feels jipped because he never got me to himself he's always had to share me with my boys and so is probably slightly jealous of them. But honestly if I hadn't had them and the horrible relationship with their father I may never have noticed my nice guy husband. Good Luck to you, it takes a lot of work.