I have 2 children. One is adopted and the other one is biologically mine. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are constantly buying one of my children gifts and the other one gets nothing. It's not fair to the one who gets nothing. My adopted son is the one who gets spoiled rotton!! Why are they doing this? How can we fix this situation??
2007-03-02 02:58:22 · 17 answers · asked by Angelbaby79 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have this same problem!! My older son gets presents and money from my hubby`s parents, my youngest has gone two years without anything. I told my oldest son to give the present back this year, ( right in front of his brother and grandparents), he said " I love my brother and what you`re doing is not fair"." If you`re going to give me a gift for my birthday, please remember my brother, he`s your grandson too". They felt humiliated and took the gift to the car. My oldest said that they owed my youngest two years worth of gifts. Have your children understand fairness, and what is just!! There is no favorites in your family, if they can`t accept that, then there will be no gift exchanges!!!My goodness relatives can be cruel, there is no excuse for this behavior, take a stand. It can really cause bitterness between your children, ( bitterness that lasts a lifetime). So I`d rather see your relatives embarrassed and humbled than your kids hating each other for life!!!
2007-03-02 03:31:22 · answer #1 · answered by lost2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not fair and is just not right. I would say if they dont buy for the one then you buy extra gifts for the one who is not getting any. Also try talking to them and telling them how you feel about this and why and let them know that you think this is just not fair for them to do so. Maybe they should not buy gifts at all if they cant treat both of your kids fairly. Ask them why they are doing this. I can see your point here and i really feel for you and this child in it. Hugs to you today.
2007-03-02 03:06:51 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would think that they would feel awkward when giving one child a gift and the other nothing. What does your bio child say? Or is the child so young they don't know what is going on yet? Personally If both are old enough to understand that one is being slighted, then I would refuse any gifts for either child. Why does your brother think this is right? What does he say about it?
2007-03-02 03:08:35 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They probably feel sorry for him in some way...not because he's not loved but because he's not with his biological parents so they feel like buying him things will make him feel extra loved or what have you, but its still not right...you should sit them down and kindly tell them that you appreciate what they are doing but you can no longer accept any of their gifts for your adopted son because its not fair to you other son.
2007-03-02 03:04:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello....See this is a little different then what i went thru but hope this helps.
My mom was buying my oldest daughter (which is her first grandchild) things every-time she would go to the store and i would get a little up set because my son and youngest daughter wouldn't get anything. So one day she really blew it then. She went and got some toys from Toys R Us and my baby started crying cause she didn't get anything. So what i did was packed it back up and toke it to her and told her (my mom) if she couldn't get all of then anything then i would appreciate it if she didn't get anything at all. All my children are equal and it's not fair.
Now needless to say she come back for all of them, cause i made it clear they are all mine and she wouldn't like it if someone was doing that to her kids.
Tell your brother in law and his girlfriend, if they can't get something for both of them then save it till the they have something for other.
2007-03-02 03:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Miss Self-Sufficient 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they feel that because that child is adopted that they need to overcompensate. I'm not sure but you need to explain to them that although you appreciate them doing things for your child, you do not feel that it is fair for one child to be treated differently than the other and that if they want to buy for one they need to buy for both. If they cannot accept that then you need to let them know that you will not be able to accept their gifts.
2007-03-02 04:28:38 · answer #6 · answered by voidtillnow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand up for yourself and your children!!! Tell your brother-in-law and his girlfriend what your rules are!!! Even though children should understand that life is not always fair and balanced, you as their mother guardian and caretaker have every right to make the determination which child receives what and when.
2007-03-02 03:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by heypumpkin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them you are not going to accept the favoritism and do not allow them to give one child a gift and not the other unless it is a birthday. I would take it away .Stick to your guns things will change. Some times actions speak louder than words.
2007-03-02 08:07:25 · answer #8 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is too bad that they are so shallow and I am not sure what they are trying to do or prove- tell them not to buy either one of them gifts. If they continue to buy for only one child, give the gifts back. Don't allow them to give the gifts directly to the child. If they can't treat them equally don't let them do anything at all. It is your choice, not theirs.
2007-03-02 03:05:26 · answer #9 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
refuse to accept the gifts any longer for the one child if they can't be fair. as this is going to make the other child wonder what he did wrong. just send them away with the gift, if they exclude the other. this will hurt the other child emotionally.
2007-03-02 06:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋