I want to see the heart
Of the world
I want to hear what life's
Legacies sound like
I want to smell the awakening
Aroma of sacrifice
I want to taste the sky
And the night-stroked air
I want to feel what it's like
To live
2007-03-02 02:46:43 · 12 answers · asked by abcdefgh 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I like the different sensations you have here:
see
hear
smell
taste
feel....
These are all really good and creates a visceral reading.
However learn to write 3 line verses or 4 line verses....
meter is as important as word choices.
2007-03-02 02:56:22 · answer #1 · answered by jim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your poem made me imagine someone who just moved to a big city. This person is walking down an unfamiliar street early in the morning and listening to the sounds of garbage trucks, observing the hard-working men and women starting their day, smelling coffee from the shops as they walk by, and paying attention to all of their senses.
I'm sure everyone interprets it differently, but this is what it meant to me, just thought I'd share! Very good poem, you do have talent!
2007-03-02 03:05:15 · answer #2 · answered by Kaylee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A sensory experience of life's desires...very nice. In the place of just seeing the imagry of the heart of the world with my mind's eye, I try to hear legacies and smell sacrifice...taste the night air and feel life as it courses through me.
I like how this poem touches using all of my senses...very nice.
2007-03-02 03:27:19 · answer #3 · answered by Maddog Salamander 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just have a little trouble with "hear what life's legacies sound like". I just don't think that works for the sense of hearing.
2007-03-02 11:44:49 · answer #4 · answered by Luna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
woww!! i'm amazed. and you use all 5 senses there. Also, I admire the way you didn't use words that are commonly used to rhyme. It gives your poem a better meaning. Good job!!
2007-03-02 03:38:14 · answer #5 · answered by blue_bee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Free verse...awesome! Really good poem.
2007-03-02 02:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by Cynical 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. not great. better thab most on the web being pubblished by modern authors
2007-03-02 07:56:19 · answer #7 · answered by flowerpet56 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good for beginning.I felt good things while Im reading.Im sure you can write better...
2007-03-02 03:05:40 · answer #8 · answered by kulla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW,thats really good,you have a true talent.
2007-03-02 02:50:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty cute. I like it. You should add more details though.
2007-03-02 02:57:26 · answer #10 · answered by Banana H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋