I need to know what you guys think of this poem?

Question

Some of you may have seen it being posted for one of my answers but this was actually to be used for like a tribute to my class about what I learned and stuff so here goes...(Please tell me truthfully what you think and I wanna extend it so would appreciate if you guys could give me some ideas.)

That there are more things to be learned
And more to be loved
But yet we take for granted
And make others feel unappreciated
And see common things as underrated
Often life is disregarded
And viewed as overrated
But we still always have regretted
That the time we had was wasted
Complaining over things that made us feel constipated

Answer 1

I think you could have had a more solid start. your punctuation (unless you chose not to have any) could not only be correct but apparent. Though I understand the end, I think that could have more too.

Answer 2

I hope you don't mind I made some changes...

That there are more things to be learned,
And more to be loved.
Like the old oak trees that have stood patiently,
and loom high above.

But yet we take for granted,
for a great river flows beyond,
And make others feel unappreciated,
as the swift current of the river moves us on.

We see common things as underrated
and often life is lived with disregard,
the oaks will need to be cut down,
the majestic view is overrated.

But we still always have regret,
of the time and effort that was waste,
complaining over the things that made us change the world,
to live, to love, to hate.

Answer 3

Very good, but probably not complete/finished. The work evokes Ogden Nash and Yeats, specifically Compliments of a Friend and When You Are Old, respectively. I would recommend making one/any reference less explicit, and one/any reference into a metaphor.

For example, the first line be something like, and this is just a silly example, "With brains so empty..." and the penultimate line could read "The blank calendar pages passing..." Terrible examples, but you get my point.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Try to mention the good things in life

Answer 5

You end this with the perfect description of your efforts: constipated.

Answer 6

WOW! Your talented! I love to write poems...I have gotten a few published. This poem really makes sense to me...It's true.

Answer 7

i really love it i thought it was the most beautiful thing ever

Answer 8

it's an okay poem their are lines that don't make seance