My husband and I have been married for almost a year on the 27 of April it'll be a year. I have a daughter who's 2 from my previous marriage and we have a son together. He's 2 months. When we got married we were already planning on getting married I even had my wedding dress baught, then we found out I was pregnant. So because I wanted to fit into my wedding dress we went ahead and got married at the JP. He recently got a second job because his first job gave him a pay cut, so now he's gone from 7am-10:30pm most days, so needless to say we never see him often but when we do we fight about anything and every thing. I'm tried of fighting. I love him and want to be with him but I'm tried of putting our babies in the middle of it. They don't need to grow up that way. So I'm tired of fighting and tired of it always being my fault. What do I do? Do I tell him we need to take a step back and "court" again? Do I leave him temporally? WHAT DO I DO!?!? Help me please.
2007-03-02 02:04:01 · 12 answers · asked by sarahzcat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You really need to talk to him about it without raising your voices. Ensure the kids are asleep have a good dinner for him and talk he maybe pretty tired so don't drag it get to the point. I can understand what he is going through be happy that he is working hard to maintain his family the need for him to provide right now is so strong that is all he can think about. If you nag alot and or get onto him for things that will fustrate him even more. The desire to come home will slowly go away. I'm sure he has days off plan something just the two of you to catch up on time no kids just you even if its just a date in bed. You have to plan these moments if you don't then you won't see him. Be patient with the situation its not as bad as you think. He is just trying to be a man. The first yr is definitly the hardest at two yrs not so bad and it gets better and better. I've been there I know. Its not easy going into a marriage with a bun in the oven. You don't have the chance to form a strong bond with your husband and new life. Everything has to be planned just about so make it a point to see your husband and try not to give him a hard time. Its the last thing he needs right now.
2007-03-02 02:25:47 · answer #1 · answered by ilisalec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no need to leave. He is tired and has a great deal of stress on him because of having to work 2 jobs to support the family. He is stressed because he does not want to fail as a person or as a husband. Just calm down, and take a deep breath. Make sure that he understands that you appreciate that he has taken a second job to support the family, and try to calmly find ways to make the money go farther. Find things that would help him to relax. Just don't make him feel like he is doing all this in vain. Stop arguing...because it is not going to do anything positive for the relationship, or for the children. You may also just want to find a sitter for a few hours so that you and your husband can go out for about 2 hours .... just the 2 of you. I wish you both luck....Just be positive when your husband comes home. He is working hard for the family.
2007-03-02 02:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are probably just really stressed out. He is working all these hours and you are taking care of the kids by yourself for all of these hours so you are probably just taking it out on each other. But before you do anything drastic, try to realize how much more stressful things will be if you split up. You will have to get a job, he will have to pay child support while supporting himself, etc..... You guys need to have a chat and realize you are on the same team. Marriage is hard work but you will get out of it what you put in!!! Good luck and don't give up!
2007-03-02 02:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by Nunya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, you want attention and your man is working two jobs and you have two babies. You both are ina stressful situation.
Get off his back. You are frustrated because you want the romance and the courtship, but you have to realize that the honeymoon is oven and this is real life.
With two babies at home and his grueling schedule there is no time for courtship. Be considerate please! your poor man is breaking his back trying to support you and the babies. The least you can do is to giving some credit and give him peace when he comes home.
He wants to come home after work and rest, not to deal with a combative woman that expects him to kiss her feet after working for 15 hours! Give him a break!!! He needs consideration from your part,
Eshhhh
A mini-vacation or you getting a job to help with the bills may help. You need to cut the man some slack. You both work very hard and you need to be appretiative of each other.
Good luck
2007-03-02 02:19:47 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to address several things. Fighting exists because there are things lacking in the relationship. If you are struggling financially imagine how much pressure would be relieved by correcting that. He cant work that many hours and expect to cultivate a meaningful relationship with you and his kids. You may find yourself a good therapist to work on some things. Dont leave thats not the best for your kids either.
2007-03-02 02:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's working two jobs. working two jobs is not easy for anyone. he works ALL DAY from sun up to way after the sun goes down. he wants to come home, sleep, eat, and focus on getting back to work again so he can make that pay check. i don't know if you are a stay at home mom or not..but you may want to consider getting into the work force yourself. the last thing that he wants to deal with after working two jobs all day long is more fighting. what are YOU so upset about? and why are you so upset? it still is not very clear why you are upset. i understand that you miss him and want to see him...but i get the impression (and i can be wrong) that he's doing all he can to make ends meet because his first job gave him a pay cut. why don't you help financially by getting at least a part time job yourself (if you don't have one). i work two jobs and go to school part time. so i understand his frustration. but i don't understand yours. if you are so lonely and misreable at home why don't you find some frineds to hang out with? or have them over for a movie during the day? or get a part time job to hang out with your co-workers? anything other than just sitting there complaining to your husband who is doing everything he can to make things happen while you just sit there and complain. i can understand why he can be so frustrated. but you are capable of doing something more to help out also other than just being a mother to your child(ren)...and i'm not saying that to be mean. but if you are broke and unhappy...get out meet some friends and start working.
2007-03-02 02:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with CAC. You have kids and ya''l need to work through this. It sounds like you husband is trying his best for you and babies. Try not to fight with him. I know it 's hard and you feel so alone with kids. You both are dealing with hard times. Ya'll just have to agree that ya this sux, but were not going to let it ruin our life together. Let's get through this together. My pop worked two jobs his whole life bacause he could never get one that payed enough. You know what finally helped? He got a second job that we could come along with him and we started helping him with it, too. If people want to stay together they can find a way. You can choose to get along with someone or not. Old yankee's work it out. Good luck babe!
2007-03-02 02:25:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel like you have just told us. Ask him how he feels about the situation.
The two of you need to sit down and talk to figure out a solution to make your marriage work...it is not always a walk in the park and marriages do take work on both parts if they are going to make it.
Plan a date without the kids and sit down and talk...take it from there.
be cool...
2007-03-02 02:10:23 · answer #8 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God this is not good it seems as if he is holding grudge. Fighting in front of the baby hurts me and I know it hurts him to see mommy fighting with a man. This needs to come to a halt or you need to depart before someone gets hurt. trust me fighting can become physical. this can lead to your career this can lead to jail time for you this can lead to time taken away from your baby. always know you love your child you don't know what's going on in his mind. I wouldn't suggest you to leave your baby with him at anytime.Besides you can't argue with a stop sign.Bite your tongue and listen to what he is saying see if your really for it and if this is what you really want.
2007-03-02 02:50:30 · answer #9 · answered by sweetlips 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry this man, you're a damn fool!
Sounds like you're more strapped for cash than anything and you're looking for a guy who's making some money to provide you the security most women in your situation need. I think this is more the case than your love for him.
You need to take a step back and stop having babies.
2007-03-02 02:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by huckleberrydaddy 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋