I knew I was gay since I was 7 and was ok with it. Then in primary and secondary school, people started to make fun of me, calling me 'gay' - using that beautiful word as an insult and its not like I even acted like the streotypical gay guy. Because of this I became more reserved and didn't speak to anyone much. I hated that lonely feeling. Now i'm in sixth form (a completly different and nicer environment - but i'm still in the closet) and people do talk to me but I don't have any good close friends. My problem is that most of the time nowadays, I like being lonely. Usually when people ask to go lunch with me, I say I'm not hungry simply because I want to be alone but don't actually have the heart to say 'no' to them. So why am I feeling like this? I used to hate being so lonely but now that people are being nice, I can't let myself go. Suddenly I like being lonely, but why? I don't want to like that feeling (as I've already mentioned that I used to hate that feeling). Please help me.
2007-03-02 01:38:13 · 20 answers · asked by Me Y 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
i think your main problem now is trust issues. because kids made you feel like an outsider at such an early age its difficult for you to relate to your peers now. my suggestion for you would be to go to lunch when you are asked even if you might not want to. you need to get used to socializing some. if you continue to hide from everyone it will seem like you are hiding from yourself, which may or may not be the case. i think once you make a few close friends you will reach a new comfort level within yourself which will allow you to be yourself and gain acceptance. being a gay youth is difficult, dont get me wrong, but there are steps you can take to make it easier, and it WILL get easier, i promise.
2007-03-02 01:44:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you like being lonely but you are scared to get close to people as you don't want to be hurt or rejected all over again if they find out that you are gay. This is a perfectly normal reaction. Loneliness is all you have ever known, so it is hard to break out of this pattern. I was bullied at school too, although the bullies didn't even know I was a lesbian at the time. I hate to think how bad it might have been if they'd known! Take small steps at a time to try to make friends. Go to lunch with them & get to know them in your own time. If they are a nice group of people they will accept you for who you are. I know it is difficult to let yourself go after you've had to put up barriers for so long but with every little step you take it gets easier. You have been hurt & have lost your trust in people, but now is the time to heal & move on or you wouldn't be asking yourself the question: why do I like being lonely? You can't let all those bullies win. Try to put the past behind you. Learn from the experience but don't let it ruin your life. Something that really helped me was Paul Mckenna's book "Instant Confidence" & "Change your life in 7 days" available from www.amazon.co.uk
Good luck & I wish you every success with your future. You can do it! I would also recommend getting some professional help to work through some of the issues you had to deal with at such a young age. There are lots of people out there who can help you. If you can, contact your local LGBT helpline & they should be able to advise you on this.
2007-03-03 11:22:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, why care about the past when it's the future we're living for! Break out of your shell and be yourself. You don't have to openly come out and say your gay if you don't feel comfortable with doing so. But if you want to be lonely for ever you are going about it the right way. I don't mean that in a bad way but if you keep isolating yourself then no one will get the chance to see you as you are. Be yourself and accept when someone asks you out to lunch! It's a start. Oh and i have experience of this. Maybe not the same because it had nothing to do with my sexuality but i became isolated because I didn't want to even go out due to a fight I was involved with in a gang. Just get your life back on track!
chris
2007-03-04 13:30:34 · answer #3 · answered by chris c 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well there was a time that I remember between 2nd and 6th grade that remind me a lot of what you are talking right now. Im 23 and Im a rebel but everyone loves me and want to be around me just because of the crazy things I always say. I guess this is time for you to realize that you are a great person and sooner or later when others realize that, they will understand that you are a great human being. Don't rush things because everything happens for a reason. Take care of yourself and dont think to hard about that. Good Luck!
2007-03-02 11:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's that you 'like' the feeling of being lonely, you just know that it's 'safe'. It's a kind of comfort zone for you, because it's better than the alternatives that have so far presented themselves. I would think about this for a while before deciding whether or not you'll join some new friends for lunch maybe one day in the week.
Best of luck.
2007-03-02 09:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
because of what you went though in primary and secoundry school it hurt you and by you being lonely you felt safe in that way other people take it diffrent ways so you are lonely now and feel safe and dont no how to get out of the safe place you are now with more grown up people and you need now to try and get out of that loney place when they ask you to go places bite the bullet and go you will shock yourself on how you have been saying how silly it is being lonely try it the world is a big place as you will find out
2007-03-02 09:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by mamsy0 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yea its normal for you :)) bullies caused your problem, now they have made you introverted, hey your a big boy now, all you can realy do is bring about a change gradually.
Be brave accept the invitations to lunch, even with girls, they can make great friends too, if one in particular asks, then go with him/her one to one.
You dont have to come out, im not out, its not time yet for me.
Im sure there is a boy that you realy like, try to be his friend first, yip friends first, then if its right to be more than friends. Go slow with it ok, only boys stuff to start with ok, you dont have to have proper sex, kissing & touching is kinda hot & realy nice.
That would be good for you and help to make you feel wanted and also bring your self confidence back. Then you can move on, have proper friends and just maybe a boyfriend. Be Brave, Good luck, David :))xxx
2007-03-02 13:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by wowdavid 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that maybe you've just got used to your life being that way & you need to get back out into the social world in your own time.If people are asking you to lunch etc then obviously you're liked.Just don't waste too many opportunities for too long as sooner or later when you want friends in your life,people will have given up asking for your friendship.
2007-03-02 10:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by munki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When they ask you to go to lunch with them, make yourself go. Even if you don't really want to. Join in the conversation. Try to enjoy yourself. In time you will develop new friends and enjoy spending time with them. I know I was the same way as you, except I would always read a book through lunch. Give what I said a try. It does work. I know, I did it.
2007-03-02 09:44:57 · answer #9 · answered by ron s 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to realise thatbeing you isnt gonna scare evryone away, school is horrible for homosexual people i know, and im happy for you that youre now out fo school and in 6th form, this is the perfect time to be YOU and your REAL friends will adore you for who YOU are, not the quiet lonely boy. Next time sum1 says do u wanna go sumwhere, say yeah ok and smile, dont worry, like i sed, youll soon see that your friends will like you for being you, thats all that matters :-D
2007-03-03 15:50:52 · answer #10 · answered by ダニエル 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋