My wife is going to a funeral for some guy she didnt know. She dated a friend of his and is going for him. Should this bother me or am i being insensitive. I havent really expressed being annoyed by this because I didnt know if I was being stupid. Let me know your thoughts.
2007-03-02 01:30:45 · 17 answers · asked by John D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should say, he is a guy from the old neighborhood. She knew him, just not very well and only knew him through her ex. She was actually told about the death by another female friend from the same neighborhood, who is also going to the funeral
2007-03-02 01:52:26 · update #1
This is what I tell husbands and wifes when they call me with questions like this: If it doesn't bother you then you may not love him/her as much as you THINK you do. This obviously DOES bother you and believe it or not, it's a GOOD thing. Men and women alike get upset about stupid things they "shouldn't be upset about" all the time because they either a) Truly love their spouse or b) Is very insecure or c) both. The short answer is yes, it should bother you a little bit but you should also understand that this is a funeral. By the same token, people tend to reminisce at funerals and talk about "all the good times they used to have together". That can and will potentially bring to the surface some old feelings. Not that they were laying in dormant just waiting for the opportunity to re-surface, but your wife is human.
My advice to you would be to attend the funeral WITH her. If she's going to console someone she should have feelings of hurt as well, and who better to be there for HER than her husband. This will also require her to introduce you as her husband to this ex of hers. That will establish your status with the ex. I'm not saying you should spy on her or watch her out of the corner of your eye but make sure you stay within close proximity of her. This, again, serves two purposes: You being there for her in HER time of need (you're not there for the ex, your wife is. not to sound cold hearted but his pain is not your problem) and establishing to the ex and everyone else that she is with you. If this ex of hers has a shred of decency, he'll respect that and not try anything.
I know it sounds like I'm going back and forth here, but you have to remember this IS a funeral. Your wife's ex is there to bury his friend, not pick up chicks. But I also want you to understand that when people are at low points, they do tend to cling to anyone that shows an ounce of concern for them...especially persons of the opposite sex.
It is not wrong for this to bother you and you're not being insensitive. You love your wife and you see that this could potentially drive a rift betwen you and, God forbid, lead to something else. You feel the inate need to protect your family and the relationship with your wife so that little twinge you felt when she told you is perfectly natural and healthy. I honestly don't anything will come of this and to tell you the truth, I don't think you do either. I think it is very noble for someone to put the past in the past and be emotionally supportive of someone in a time of need...especially when it's the death of a loved one. Now again, she IS your wife, she IS human, and this IS her ex so attend the funeral, be confident, give your wife the support she needs. She'll thank you for it and who knows, this may be the closure she needs with this particular ex.
Good luck.
2007-03-02 03:08:16 · answer #1 · answered by Eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your relationship with your wife and I can see how this would be an issue for you. First, you need to be honest with your wife and tell her it bothers you...that's your wife man, you should be able to tell her any damn thing, especially something like this.
Secondly ask your wife this one question and ask yourself as well. If the situation was reversed and you were going to the funeral of the friend of an ex girlfriend, would your wife be upset, would she have a reason to be upset?
2007-03-02 01:57:56 · answer #2 · answered by huckleberrydaddy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could understand sending flowers, but going to the funeral? I assume your wife is young? In a lot of todays younger women, I think they still try to hang onto a bit of their single life well into the time of their marriages. They see it as part of their individuality. The old concept of when we marry we are not two separate people anymore - we are joined as one doesn't fit into their way of thinking. In my opinion - her ex should be just that an EX! He can find someone else to comfort him. Be honest with your wife and if she tells you that she doesn't agree - tell her she isn't ready to commit to a husband in her life yet. You may have married a little to soon for her.
2007-03-02 01:42:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she dated this guy while you were together? If you said no then think again.
It's doubtful that she is faithful and she might be giving a little bit extra to calm his grief. You are her husband. You have a right to question her actions. Don't just sit idly by and let your wife do questionable things.
There is no reason for her to cater to the needs of another man she was romantically involved with before your relationship.
If she does then her commitment to you and the marriage is questionable and you should definately tell her so.
2007-03-02 01:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something isn't right with this picture. She's going to a funeral for a guy she didn't even know but she wants to "be there" for her ex boyfriend. What? Did this ex b/f contact her out of the blue and tell her his friend died and he needs her or ar they remaining in contact? I'm telling you, something is going on.
2007-03-02 01:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a funeral, not a date. People who lose a loved one/friend need all the support they can get. Don't let this stress you out. Can you go with her? Did you know the guy? Can you offer support as well?
2007-03-02 01:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u dont trust ur wife then ask her , can i go with u, or get other go with her like ur sister , or better dont let her go, tell to ur wife , that send an offer and thats all , l, tell her not every time and every person can go to a funeral , in chinese they dont just go to a funeral they have to see it first in a calendar if u born on a year of a pig for example or year of dog etc they will see to it if can be go or not so that they wont get bad luck, dont get bad luck ok?
2007-03-02 01:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let her go, either with you or alone. Trust me if you don't let her go, you will pay for it in various ways for years to come. Letting her go will let her know that you truly trust her, plus it'll give you some free time for a few hours. My wife and I went to different schools, when we are around her old high schools buds(some of them guys) I kinda just hang back and let her have fun. She does the same for me.
2007-03-02 01:37:49 · answer #8 · answered by eee_aww 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your wife exactly that! I'm a little annoyed by this...do I have anything to worry about? Or better yet, why don't you go with her. That would show alot of support from you, make you look good!
2007-03-02 01:36:26 · answer #9 · answered by cutesquaw69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a weird one. You should trust your wife but I find this odd. I think I would be as confused on how to feel as you. She is going to support an ex-boyfriend? Strange. I think I would mention to my wife that this one has me stumped and get her feed back on why it it so important for her to go support her ex. She may have a good answer.
2007-03-02 01:35:53 · answer #10 · answered by MI 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋