Do you remember when you believed in Santa Claus and wonderous that was? Well I think (because of our culture and societal norms) that people believe that about marriage (before they are married and for the first few years) and that marriage is a wonderful thing and that you will live happily ever after.
Then the reality of it sinks in almost like being told that there is no Santa Claus. You know you were lied to about Santa and that marriage is not about living happily ever after but about how much crap you are going to have to take from the person who professed to love you until death due you part. Both are lies you are told that you believe and our society promotes.
So I would assume most people do not believe in Santa anymore how many actually believe in marriage?
2007-03-02 01:11:23 · 29 answers · asked by Ker Plunk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
scrooge.
2007-03-02 01:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all, the "marriage" is not the crux of the issue.
What's critical is whether or not the couple in question has the emotional maturity to sustain a long-term relationship of ANY kind - married or not.
Any couple that doesn't take at least a year to really get to know one another in terms of each others' most important issues - sexual, spiritual, political, career - is foolish.
If a couple doesn't have a sufficient sense of compromise, sympathy, patience, and forgiveness, they're already on the slippery slope to divorce/separation.
Too many couples separate for stupid reasons; not cheating or abuse, but because someone didn't put the CDs back in order.
Too many people are just too self-centered to live with another person.
So, I reject this "Santa Claus" defense.
For a couple that loves one another and understands committment, marriage is a very minor detail. It's the strength of the relationship that matters - not some ring, license and ceremony.
2007-03-02 02:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do. Yes, I will agree that before I got married the first time, my idea of marriage was that it was a wonderful thing and that I would live happily ever after. What I didn't take into account was my husband changing the way he did. We are all human and can and do change. He decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore and filed for divorce. At first I swore there was no way on this earth i was EVER going to get remarried, but then I met a wonderful man. This time, I went into the marriage with my eyes open. We both know how things can change and are willing and able to work everyday to make this marriage work. So no, marriage is not a lie. I think that in our society we have become so selfish and we put our needs and wants too much above anyone else's and are unwilling to bend and try to work with people. We have gotten to used to being able to walk away when things get sticky. And it ends up that we don't have enough respect for ourselves to do what we need to do.
2007-03-02 01:19:47 · answer #3 · answered by ladybugg0224 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not the fantasy that Santa is. While you may express similarities, Santa Clause is one thing that once you realize it's a lie you can't experience it again. Even if you believe Marriage is a lie and you get a divorce, you can still do it again and again. Though, from this question I'd say you don't know very many successful marriages and that's unfortunate. I know many couples who have been married 30-years or more. Of course it's not always perfect or 100% happy, but you wouldn't have that alone either. Other people cramp your style regardless of if you're single or married. If you don't want that go find a nice cabin in the woods and live alone that way you can only worry about yourself.
2007-03-02 01:17:19 · answer #4 · answered by Lil Gal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its a sad truth that these days, a happy marriage is nearly unheard of. I said NEARLY. But it does happen. And its unrealistic to expect that happy marriages fall into your lap and do not require any work. They require lots of work, on both ends. I think a lot of couples think that simply because you get married, you will be happy. And people often times get married while they are young and naive, and for the wrong reasons.
People who get married for the right reasons and actively work at the marriage and make compromises and talk and ask for help when they need it and communicate with each other have a decent shot at the happily ever after. Years ago the divorce rate was a lot lower. Nowadays, people are lazy and they want instant gratification and if they aren't 100% happy all the time, or it requires them to put forth any effort at all - then they want out. And its easier to just get divorced than it is to get help and work through it. And as a result, many young people today share your bleek outlook on marriage and its a shame.
The institution of marriage can be a wonderful and fulfilling thing. If you enter into marriage expecting to fail, you will. Your setting yourself up for failure and then the failed marriage is YOUR fault, for not believing in it. Santa Claus is a myth created for children. Happy marriages aren't a myth. They are the reward to those who love and perservere and communicate and compromise and BELIEVE.
I BELIEVE in my marriage.
2007-03-02 01:36:48 · answer #5 · answered by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a great topic. I think that too many times people jump into marriage because they believe it will fix a relationship problem or are still in the "newness" phase of the relationship. The fact is...it takes work, you deal with life on lifes terms together, and its not all wine and roses. If you love the person, you can take your time before or if you get married. There isn't a set time in which you have to tie the knot. I believe in "until death do us part" because I've seen it with older couples. It's about the ride and not the destination.
2007-03-02 01:31:04 · answer #6 · answered by freckles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well lets see i know that there is not a man that fly's around the world on Christmas eve and delivers presents to all the boys and girl but i do know that there once was a man named Chris Kringle that did deliver toys to boys and girls in the area that he lived, that's how the story of Santa got started. as far as marriage goes, it takes work just getting married isn't going to make your life a happily ever after story, people are human and make mistakes. Its being able to look past the flaws in the person your married to because the love you have for them is so great. sure you will fight and sometimes wonder if u made the wrong decision. try being separated for a week with no contact at all and see if you don't miss having that person to come home to every night . love and marriage is about compromise and whats best for both of you not whats best for just one person.
2007-03-02 01:23:12 · answer #7 · answered by sunnybrook19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in marriage. I also believe marriage has to have good and bad times. As two people go through growth periods and change so will a marriage. Love deepens after time. Of course maturity places a big factor and not being selfish. Love should never be rushed. Also people marry not really being able to understand themselves so how can they understand another person. Marriage is living with your best friend with benefits. It helps if the person you are married to really appreciates you and treats you well. Anything less will assure an eventual divorce. You have to be able to bend in a marriage. Change and not be too dependant yet be independent as well. Its all about balance. And luck as well. For those that have expressed hurt from an affair, there still can be happiness afterwards if two people really want it. An affair is usually something amiss with the marriage,,or with the person. Therapy and want to improve assures a happy ending. Its all about the behavior of the one who committed it. You need not give up on love. Try to see a way to heal. If not get out of it quickly.
2007-03-02 01:18:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 5 years and still believe in marriage. I love my husband; we're best friends. However, I didn't enter my marriage believing in "happily ever after". Marriage is a commitment even through the horrible things. If both people don't understand that going in, it will not work. So, yes, society promotes the wrong image of love and marriage instead of being honest about the trials of raising children, paying the morgage, and others. The reason for marriage is to have a partner to help you through it, not have a romantic love affair for the rest of your life.
2007-03-02 01:19:07 · answer #9 · answered by Katie 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You mean there is no Santa? HOLY CRAP I still believe in marriage as well even having been divorced once. Marriage is no panacea. It takes work. Sometimes hard work, to create a passionate, happy life. I just dont think folks realize going in what effort it takes to keep things fresh and new and healthy. I think also people settle for the wrong people or marry for the wrong reasons. Humans are given a brain and a heart and often times we dont listen to either one when we choose a mate.
2007-03-02 01:19:12 · answer #10 · answered by Devdude 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Santa Claus may be a "lie" as you put it; but marriage certainly is not.
You're in a bad relationship and believe that everyone else must be too. I've been married for 22 years and my wife and I have yet to have a fight.
You're with the wrong man; don't blame us all.
2007-03-02 01:32:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋