should i date this man??

Question

I am in the process of getting a divorce. We had no kids. My ex made me feel so bad about myself as a woman taking care of a home. It is true, i am a proffesional woman, and yes, i hate to do house chores, but he knew it before we got married. I had to stand disapproval faces almost everyday, he did not share a penny with me (yes 50-50 escenary), but he cooked and he was not disorganized as i am. At the end he stopped showing affection to me because i was a disaster at the house. I feel so inadequate to any man now and so hurt.
Now, this new guy is really something what is he is only a rebound. I do not want to hurt his feelings as well as mine again. We know each other for about 2 years. (He was my landlord). He is very sweet, emotionally by me, attractive and succesful. We had sex...it was greaaaaat. What makes me doubt also... he is 20 years older than me, and never married.
Should i give it a try or should i just focused in my emotional recovery before dating again?

Answer 1

Stop it! You aren't even divorced yet! What's wrong with you?? You are ready to jump right into the next relationship because of POOR SELF ESTEEM! Don't you dare treat yourself that way....you deserve better than to just jump right into the next thing available. Don't you realize that ANY man who treated you half-way decent would look like a saint compared to the asshole you were with, but it doesn't mean you should go straight into a relationship with him. You need to believe you are a good person without a man to convince you of it. As long as your opinion of yourself is formed by a man's opinion of you (good
OR bad), you will always be dependent on them to feel better about yourself AND they will always have the POWER to make you feel worse about yourself. Don't give ANYONE that power. I have experience with this same type situation and it was a long hard road for me to get myself back on track but by finding myself I found a lasting love. Trust me on this: Tell him you like him but you are not ready to get into another serious relationship so soon. Take some time to get to know yourself and what you REALLY want in a relationship. Pick and choose your relationship, don't just take the next thing coming along. I suspect in your heart you know this, or you wouldn't be here asking if this relationship is a good idea right now. My dear, I truly wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Sometimes after breakups we become vulnerable to these things.Take it slow.No need to rush into anything.Make sure this time that it is gonna be compatible.
Some men cannot take the fact that there woman is successful.I would say that was your ex problem.I am with a very successful woman and I have to take care of alot of things.That traditionally the woman has taken care of.It is give and take.I do the things that need done during the week.And all spot cleaning.And on weekends there she is doing the deep cleaning.
Dont worry about him.Go out and find someone who is not afraid to let you be you.If any man really loves you.He will be proud of your success and support you.Even if that does mean doing more around the house.
Keep your head up and keep doing what you are doing.Being a successful woman in this world is harder for any woman than a man and my hat goes off to you.Dont let your ex ruin all your hard work.You will be better off without him.

Answer 3

No not right now you should not date this man as the timing is wrong. Once your divorce is final then yes you may start dating this man if you want and choose to. You may also need counseling for help to heal from what has happened to you in your first marriage. You should not hate to do house chores though and if you cannot do them then you should hire a maid. You definitley need counseling for your low self esteem when it comes to men. You sare right this guy is a rebound thing so you need to let him go so you can start to heal and move on with things. He will be much better for it now then you playing with his emotions and telling him this later. Honesty is the best policy here. Yes you need to focus on emotional recovery before ever even thinking of dating someone again.

Answer 4

Focus on yourself, first and foremost. An older man, while he may be good at so many things, will eventually be resentful that you can't/don't clean the house or do house chores. And may I ask why? Maybe you don't know how? I don't know the answer, but I can say any household chores should be 50/50, no excuses, if you both work.

Just take care of yourself, and don't run to someone else to help you feel better because of the things your husband said and did. You can't find lasting happiness until you are happy with yourself.

Answer 5

Hun i wouldn't get into anything serious right now. Be honest with the guy, tell him how you feel about things. Sex shouldn't decided if you should be with someone, it should be how you guys work as a team. He probably sees your hurting and is taking advantage of the situation. Guys do that. Focus on getting yourself back to an emotional state that is healthy for you then get back in to the serious dating. There is nothing wrong with seeing a guy now and again but i wouldn't try to rush into anything serious yet. Give yourself some time.

Answer 6

Nothing to say that this man can't be part of your emotional recovery! Might be nice having a mature man around and so what if he is just a rebound, if you are having fun and not hurting anyone then enjoy and don't think about it.
Sounds like he might be good for the ego, I know from experience that can help with you self esteem. Go for it.

Answer 7

Your emotion Well being is as important as your physical being. Remain friends with your landlord but with the understanding your not ready to make any commitments- you need to heal and focus on yourself. You'll be OK- get into some group counseling- get rid of the baggage and like the old saying theres plenty of fish in the sea. Take your time but put YOU first and your well being.

Answer 8

Your ex husband is a dolt. I'm the same way, but with a man who isn't a mysogynistic freak. I'm just letting you know not all men are stupid like that! Should you date yet? That's really up to you and what you feel comfortable with. If you're wondering if it's just a rebound thing, maybe it's too soon.

Answer 9

First of all, you wait until you are officially divorced to start dating. Actually, you should be waiting a year or so after that, to make sure your head is on straight, make sure you go to counselling to find out why your marriage ended - you seem to blame it all on him, and it's never only one-sided.
Secondly, that is way too big an age difference. Ten years MAX.

Answer 10

You know what, I was in a kinda similar sitatuation, but I found a great friend/lover with the older man I "rebounded" to. Your guy might not be a rebound. Just go with it and see what happens. Be upfront with your feelings. Good luck. Glad you met someone that makes you feel good.