Well my son is 5 years old and displaying signs of... femininity?

Question

I know that most people will shrug it off as waaay to early for labels but this is heartbreaking. He dances like a girl doing the booty popping move (i don't even allow him to watch music videos so I guess he saw it done while at his father's house) and has a constant obsession with putting on my heels. I've taken away most of my daughters dolls and just put them up, (they both have educational toys anyway) because he plays with them more than she does. Everywhere I go he's stuck right under my leg and he cries and whines when he has to do things independently. (Just the other day for example he needed to use the restroom, we were in my mothers 1st grade classroom after school and his younger sister had to escort him to the bathroom and then he came back and begged me to take him because he was afraid... mind you this is in the class).
I don't want to be paranoid but I don't want my child to be "like this".. Please help... what can I do?

Everyone thank you so much for your answers

Answer 1

Don't panic. He will probably be just fine. He is only five and all kids are different.

Story: I had a nephew that we thought would end up absolutely flaming. I was really worried. He loved women's dresses as a little kid of around 3-6.

I would've panicked, but his parents didn't and, over time, he forgot all about dresses and became a typical kid. They didn't obsess; they worked with him like all parents have to (differently for each kid).

End result: he never became a he-man type person, but he is OK. On the manliness scale, he is slightly below average to average. But, he is only about 18 now. So, he is still developing.

Answer 2

What exactly is it you don't want your child to be like?

Firstly in reality it's likely something he'll grow out of. You're using your views on gender to explain his behaviour when in reality he doesn't have those views. He doesn't see 'dolls' as female toys, he just sees them as a toy he enjoys playing with. He doesn't see wearing your shoes as feminine, he sees it as playing 'dress up', no more than him dressing as a cowboy or something would be. The dancing is something he has seen and is copying, like children do with everything. I don't think you should put the dolls away because he plays with them, I think you should let your child enjoy the toys he wishes.

The fact he doesn't do things independantly is a unrelated thing, this just suggests your child is shy and timid, like many many children. Encourage him to be independant sometimes but don't push him and he will grow out of that.

Your child will likely grow out of these things, when he to begins to discover there are differences in what boys do and what girls do. Don't push that, it's something that all children go through, and it's not something you have any need to rush.

Apart from that I think you need to think about yourself and your views on things. You clearly have some issues with what you think your son should be like. There is no rules that say a young boy should be out playing football or playing with 'boy' toys. There's no rules that say boys have to be very masculine. That's all a view that's been developed by society, and one which i think is lessening (in a positive way). It's time to let people be themselves, whatever that is, even if it doesn't fit into the sterotypes.

I think it's sad that you think it's 'heartbreaking' just because your child isn't fitting into a pre-concieved stereotype you have of what he should be like.

And if in any of this you are thinking your child will end up gay because of this, like another answerer suggested, and that's why it's 'heartbreaking' (although I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that this isn't the case) then I think you really do need to look out your stereotypes. Who cares if he did end up gay? (and for the record I don't think you can 'end up' gay, but that you either are and you aren't, it's not something you choose and not something parents can control). You should accept him for what he is, and love him unconditionally, that's what a parent should do

Answer 3

He's fine! Most boys his age play dress up with their moms high heels and even dresses. It's just there way of exploring and finding out what differant things are like. Just like girls at that age put on there fathers shoes. Also, my boy cousin played with my barbie dolls more then I did and he is just fine now that he is grown up. It's just a phase your son is going through and it's natural for him to be a bit clingy to you, his mother. The only thing I can suggest is just don't condone the behavior. The more you pressure him to act like a boy, the more he will want to do the opposite.

He will be fine!

Answer 4

did you understand, it would make me ill too if it really is quite what exceeded off! that is really straight forward for the media to homestead in on undesirable factors and blow them out to such an volume that the data are lost. Then there is the generic public who would quite believe a father would disown his own toddler, than to believe that there would properly be yet another tale completely diverse and it really is because all of us needs to imagine undesirable people, it truly is exactly what Jesus suggested would ensue! If this that is real that the daddy has disowned his toddler: 2 achieveable motives. One, he's not ALLOWED to work out his toddler because he's deemed a foul figure and the media are identifying on to assert diverse. 2d, the names sound some style of African, so that is achieveable that the daddy has perplexed the challenge and thinks that he can't settle for his toddler because of the blood transfusion. And merely to: reassure you all: if this does ensue, not in any respect is the youngster responsible and for this reason i understand that if he become my toddler i'd nevertheless love him and manage him no diverse to if he had no longer had one. Prejudice is an major emotion.

Answer 5

He's just curious! He sees girls doing these things and thinks they're having fun and wants to know if it will be fun for him as well. He'll get over it, just let him go through it while he's young and inocent (better he go through this phase now then say when he's 20). if you try to force him to stop it will only prolong the phase and make him resentful. My nephew used to play with barbie and my son and my other nephew played with bratz. they would try on my clothes and makeup too, but I promise you, they are normal little boys now. They experimented, they eventually got bored with it, and moved on to Star Wars and Baseball.
and as far as not being indepentent...that to is probably just a phase and with time he will find it more rewarding to be a big kid and do things on his own.

Answer 6

Stop nit picking and try to ignore the media. If it were me, I'd give the dolls back to both of the children....that's chauvinistic and consider both men and women have children and parent together. Your child needs discipline (structure) when he acts up and put your shoes up if it's tempting you to think about your child in a sexually dysfunctional manner.

People are really falling for the excuses these days. Are you going to continue to be one of them?

Answer 7

There's really nothing you can do. If it is meant for him to be "like that", that's how he'll be, even though I don't feel that his actions as a 5 year old proves that he'll be gay.

Do you have any other young boys in the family for him to play with? Is there a little league football team in your area?

Sometimes, when boys are raised around alot of women and girls, they naturally pick up on their ways. It doesn't make them gay, but what other kind of behavior could you expect when they are around women all of the time.

Answer 8

bottom line is this....he is being raised by a woman and has a sister. what did you think would happen? buddy of mine had 4 sisters growing up he was the youngest. turned out to be very much a ladies man and does quite well being sensitive to the needs of a woman. more so though then any man i ever met who was raised with brothers.

Answer 9

What exactly is "like this" supposed to mean? Are you saying that you are afraid your son may end up gay? If this is the case, it's going to happen whether or not you interfere...people are born that way, they do not wake up one day and decide they want to be gay (with all the abuse gays suffer, why would anyone want to 'choose' to be gay). Let your son do what he wants...as I'm sure you have heard, the more you tell a kid no, the more he will want to do what's forbidden to him.

Answer 10

You are absolutely paranoid.Most boys play with their sisters or female family members toys and things at that age,so please let up on the poor boy.If you continue in this manner he will become insecure and that is worse than anything you believe to be "abnormal" behavior.