I am left with quite a lot of anger and bitterness towards my dad ranging from thinking Im ok and just being sad, to being outraged at his past behaviour. How do I cope with this? I am going home from uni this year and I cant stand the thought of living with him. Do I need to forget this problem or try and get some recognition for the way he treated us? He has been verbally and emotionally cruel for most of my life and seems to take delight in rejecting and hurting my mum, and has never been any different. I look in the mirror and feel disgusted that I look like him, I just want to erase all trace of connection between us becuase I cant stand how it makes me feel, which is ashamed for some reason. How do I cope with these very painful feelings and what action should I take if any?
2007-03-02 00:06:51 · 10 answers · asked by Zinc 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going home after uni until I get a job, then I can move out.
2007-03-02 01:38:14 · update #1
In response to lilys ignorant reply, my mum stayed with him because she couldnt afford to have a house of her own on her wage with two children, without being in serious poverty.
2007-03-02 01:42:28 · update #2
Firstly i think that maybe you should go and see a councillor or your GP. This issue seems to be tormenting you and i think you need to address it as soon as possible otherwise you will never have release from this feeling. As for the home situation, is there anywhere else you can live could you maybe get a place together with friends?
Does your dad know how you feel?
i can also understand that you may feel you need to be there for your mom but you need to sort yourself out first and then maybe you can be strong for her.
Good luck sweetie x
2007-03-02 00:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seek counseling for yourself. You can't change other people. You could try to confront him, but most likely, he is not used to anyone standing up to him and he is just going to escalate it to the next level. You can only change yourself. If you are getting out of university, why do you have to move back in with your parents? When you look in the mirror, you need to tell yourself "I am not my father". You are unique. How fortunate for you that you recognize his bad behavior and you want to be a better person instead of repeating it and passing it on to future generations. Instead of dwelling on what has happened in the past, look to the future and dream big. Then concentrate on that dream and don't look back. You have 2 paths you can take. You can let the emotional scars effect your future or you can decide that you are in control of your own destiny and that you aren't going to let anything hold you back. Really, it is just a decision that you make within yourself whether you are going to harbor resentment and let it eat at you. I'm speaking from personal experience. Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it. Write it down and read it every day until it is engrained in your head. The ability to make that decision...for you, the decision that you won't let your childhood ruin your life....is what will change your life. Don't waste time trying to change Dad.
2007-03-02 08:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by cakekweeny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say, "I am going home from uni this year and I cant stand the thought of living with him." Why are you going home to live with him, if you can't stand the thought of it? Make other arrangements! Get a job, start your life, share an apartment with some other new grads to share expenses, whatever. Didn't you go to uni to get the education you need to be independent? Now is the time!
2007-03-02 08:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this stage in your life, you should not be focusing on your father at all. A university graduate should be able now to have a job, his own place, and his own social contacts outside of the family. If your mother is making you feel as if you need to move home to "care" for her, she is the one who needs help. She has chosen to stay with this man--you don't have to make the same decision. Good luck.
2007-03-02 08:20:41 · answer #4 · answered by Lois M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U are in uni,so i guss u are soon going 2 start your courier.Bring your mother and live a life.But , totally don't forget about your dad(if he had provided the income when you were young)send at least some money 2 him.
2007-03-02 08:45:34 · answer #5 · answered by FreeHuGs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize that it was actually your mother that has caused you all these problems. Why did she pick him to breed with then stay with such a man? How much time do you actually have to spend with this man? Probably nil. We can not change others we can only change the way we react to them. In this case walking out the door quietly and getting away is the only way you can deal with this. We do not choose our parents and our childhood, however we do determine our future. Are you going to let your parents ruin your future? Learn from them what not to do. You are not going to change him with a few words or a gazillion words. Don't waste your breath.
2007-03-02 08:20:18 · answer #6 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if your mum is still with your dad, she needs your love,make this a good reason for going home.you do not sound anything like dad, try to make up to mum, for what she has tolerated for you, by ignoring dad,s lack of manners, and knowledge of how to be good to people, perhaps, that was all he knew. spoil mum rotten, and tolerate dad, for her sake.
2007-03-02 17:55:41 · answer #7 · answered by doda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't live with him. Seek counselling.
2007-03-02 08:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are old enough to know what,s hurting you...so get it off your chest let him know how you feel dont bottle it up
2007-03-02 08:12:05 · answer #9 · answered by matty60 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
arrange a talk and let him know your feelings.
2007-03-02 08:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by oshokhameye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋