My wife , has lost interest in sex. Should I seek other women , or do have to live a sexless life forever ?

Question

My wife of 33 years,has lost interest in our sex life.She was also,going down the path,of saying "I think you and I would get on better,if you got your own place. So I got my own place,a flat,which I doubled up as an office...but I was still keen to keep our relationship going so ended up going home every night..having a few drinks on the way home from work..with a few guys in a local club.I was doing 2 jobs a day, and finishing work at 11 pm at night..my wife would be in bed,asleep when I got home at10 pm..and thus,I was having no adult conversation, or as we say "chilling" before I went to bed ! She thought I was having affairs (I wasn't) . and then came her next solution..I don't want you coming home here if you have had a drink.
Together, with my wife sleeping on the edge of the bed for 2 years , and no sex..I began to get the idea,that I wasn't wanted...so I then started playing the field.I love her.I love sex! I had an affair with a nurse, who told everybody ! What should I do ?

Answer 1

Now this is a real hectic situation, firstly why didnt the two of you talk like two adults. moving out of your wasnt the best solution..

the two of you seriously need to hav an adult conversation.. You also need to figure out whether you reali want to keep this relationship goin, i understand why you out of the relatioship for pleasure, but i dont think your wife would look at it that way. you need to figure things out for your self, do reallly want this relationship? what do you want now? because to me it seems as though your'l have pretty much grown apart.. whats maken you want to try again?

Answer 2

This all sounds very odd! You move out, then keep coming back but only after a few drinks and late at night?! What on earth for? Not surprising she told you not to bother....

If your marriage was on the rocks which it seems, you would have been better off trying to sort it out not moving out and drinking! It seems that you have done nothing to improve the situation - all you seem to want is sex and not much else! Maybe things were not so rosy at home - this is usually why women stop wanting sex! Did you try to talk? Work things out? You do not say.

Then you have an affair!!! Well you sound very immature and self centered. Not only have you ommitted to explain what the issues were, you also did not tell us anything about your wife or her wants. If you have treated as you have recently it is no wonder she is not interested.

Personally I would have been quite angry if my husband was coming home after the pub and late and complain that he was not getting any sex!

Get real mate!!!!

Answer 3

The situation sounds a horrible one, shame on anyone that casts a stone at your predicament.
It sounds to me like the two of you have grown apart, for whatever reason, without being in your shoes its difficult to know why. I can only suggest you both take a day off and sit down and ask each other one simple question: What was it that brought you both together, what was it that attracted you both to each other and does any of that still apply. If not, why not, what are the reasons and is it possible to reach that place again.
As many have said already, its the toughest of things, especially when you have known each other for such a long time, but if that place you were once both at cannot be reached again, you will both have to mutually smile, take in the lessons, remember the good times and move on. Life really is too short. It is better to be friends than try to be something you may never be again.

Whatever path you both may tread in the months and years to come, I wish you BOTH happiness and the best of luck.

Answer 4

Well for a start - STOP having affairs - this won't make your wife want sex with you - EVER! Why don't you come home at an earlier time at least a couple of times a week so you and your wife can talk? Talking helps! Have you ever thought your wife is depressed? if she is this will effect her sex drive and you cheating would have sent it off packing! I can't speak for all women, but I know that alot of us tie sex with showing how much we love someone, bring back the romance - take her out, wine and dine - be a gentleman, listen to her troubles and maybe things will start looking up! (excuse the expression - no pun ment!)

Answer 5

When will guys learn that making love with a long term partner is not just sex it is making love and that is not confined gto the bedroom but way before?

Guys - listen up! If you want a woman to have sex with you this evening then wake her in the morning with a kiss. Call her from work and tell her how beautiful she looked asleep this morning nd how you have been thinking of her. If she calls you stop what you are doing, sound pleased to hear from her, ask how she is and listen to her answer. Then when you arrive home take a little gift - something that will really please her, it does't have to be flowers (in fact often better if its not) but something that shows you were thinking about her during the day (my partner brings me these nut bars you can only get in a shop he cycles past that I love). Then kiss her, talk to her, offer to help round the house. After dinner DON'T switch on the tv but show her attention, offer a foot rub or a massage, ask about her day and really listen to her, play some nice music and snuggle up on the sofa. Then she might be ready for something a little more intimate.

Coming home from the pub at 11pm when she's asleep after a hard day and wanting a poke will get you exactly where you have found yourself - out on your ear. And who wants someone stinking of booze and cigarettes pawing them? Urrgghh!

Answer 6

Your wife of 33 years has stopped wanting you and your responce is to work 2 jobs and then go out drinking after work. And this is going to help your marriage how? Then you have an affair and are not discreet enough so everyone (including your wife) finds out. You and your wife need to talk. There are many reasons a woman loses desire for sex. If your wife has gone through menopause or is going through menopause than she is not feeling as attractive as she once did. Menopause also can effect a woman's arousal. It will be diminished by the loss of some hormones. This can also lead to dryness down there which makes intercourse painful. Any or all of these things might be going on. Have you gained weight? Do you take care to see that she is satisfied? Did you used to spend more time on foreplay? How you answer these questions might also point to a reason for less sex. Like I said you and your wife need to talk. This talk needs to be very frank not only about what you want but about what she wants. It also needs to cover the physical problems each of you might be having. I know that when my marriage had these problems my husband did not know that having sex was causing me pain because of the dryness. We found a solution to that and when using the solution it also increased foreplay which in turn led to greater satisfaction. My husband also had some problems because of his diabetes but he spoke to his doctor about them and the doctor helped him out. But none of these things would have happened if we had not talked to each other. Apologize to your wife, talk to your wife, get counceling 33 years is much too long to just throw away.

Answer 7

i didn't mean to be a marriage destroyer , but i suggest you let your wife go ( if that is what she wants )and let both of you have a chance to calm down and think of what you guys should do . The most important thing in marriage is happiness , NOT sex or anything else . If your wife still love you , she will certainly come back to you .

I also suggest you to go for a doctor together with your wife perhaps the relational problem between you and your wife is caused by physical or mental problem .

sorry for my broken English and hope you can recover your relationship with your wife . Good luck !!1

Answer 8

In one statement, you said you were not having an affair. In the next breath you said you had an affair with a nurse, which is it?

Obviously your wife no longer trusts you. You disrespect her by sleeping with other women, and you come home to her after you have been drinking. You would think that you'd show more respect for her, but apparently you think she is there to service your needs.

Why she is with you, I will never know. Obviously she's more devoted to her wedding vows than you are. If you feel that your wife is no longer providing for your so called "needs", then why do you not divorce her and find one who will? You can't have your cake and eat it too, and obviously she wants no part of you.

Answer 9

I am 30 and after the birth of my 2nd child I went off sex as well, the wake up call for me was my husband having an affair, we stayed together and have both mde a real effort and oir relationship is better than ever now.
If you do love each other then fight for your marrige, try counselling, dating again explore new things.
You need to have a really honest discussion with your wife.

Answer 10

I can understand why your wife has lost an interest in sex. I think that you should come home to her and show an interest in her. I had a partner who went to the pub all the time and overworked. Yes he had an affair. And yes it affected our marriage. So I suggest you work out what is important to you. Your wife or the pub-your mates-sex.
To me family is important. It is time to take a holiday together. Book a holiday somewhere nice and surprise her. Take the time off and enjoy each other. You have shown a lack of interest in her and her way of dealing with it is to go to sleep and pretend that it isn't happening. When inside she feels sad and unwanted. Show her some love. Women love a man who is thoughful and caring. Sex to me is the last resault. It is built on trust and without trust it is difficult to feel like it. So take my advise go on a holiday and have a good time. Go to Hawaii or Fiji.