We came to live in Africa on a short contract 18 months ago. Six months later I had to go abroad for 2 months for a major life-saving op. While I was away he started an affair with a local girl who works in the market. He promised he would end it but never did. When I discovered she'd had an abortion and was pregnant again I asked him to leave. Haven't seen him since and am much more at peace, but he sees the boys several times a week. Turns out he's had quite a few affairs. I'm planning to move home with the boys, but once we go it'll be hard for them to see their Dad more than once or twice a year. I think he plans to stay long-term; he's scared he won't get work elsewhere. The school here is not very good and I need family and friends around who love me... But, guys, I need your advice, especially if you grew up with a long-distance Dad. Is this going to work out OK for my boys, or am I making a big mistake? I'd do anything rather than hurt them.
2007-03-01 22:12:47 · 4 answers · asked by clio 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Its probably the best thing that you got away from a person who has affairs after marriage cause having affair is like an addiction, you cant get over one and when you do you go after another and then another and then ts too late to turn back. As for the boys it would be much better for them to stay away from the shadow of such a person who prefers many women to one. It would set an example for them to follow. So in brief it is better that they see their father once in a time then to follow his footsteps and spoil their lives.
2007-03-01 22:19:49 · answer #1 · answered by faizanramball 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you that your sons have a right to know their father. If he has done the wrong thing that is a separate issue from him been a father. He might be a wonderful father. I think that your sons will make their own choice as they get older what they really want. I know someone who made a terrible mistake by having an affair and has lost all hope of seeing his grown up children and grandchildren. I feel that is unfair because that is holding bitterness inside. I also think that every 2nd weekend and 1/2 the holidays would be more appropriate. I don't believe in shared care it is disruptive and makes the kids feel insecure. I also feel that you should put your feelings aside for your children.
2007-03-02 06:20:17 · answer #2 · answered by beccamcken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the only mistake you could really make would be for your sons to see there mother unhappy and if you stayed so far from your family +friends for the sake of there father well that would be a big mistake .do whats right by you and it should be right for your sons
if there father cares so much for his sons then either he will leave south africa or he will visit them often.
2007-03-02 06:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Especialy only in your case you can take the kids with you and conentrate on your life you need to live on your own with lot of space.
2007-03-02 06:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by manjunath s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋