Should I let my kids father talk to them after he disappeared for almost 2 years?

Question

You see, we are divorced and he is a drug user & abuser. He was ordered to pay child support and never has since the divorce. Then he attempts sucide and dissapears. Then almost two years later I get a message from him on myspace telling me he's sorry and that he needed time. (Thats what I heard the whole time we were married) That he wants to talk to the kids. I remarried almost two years ago and my kids love him. They call him dad and everything, with no mention of my ex. Life is so perfect now after all the problems my ex dragged us through. Now he expects to just pop back in our lives and that I should be okay with it. The kids dont want to talk to him. I have yet to respond to the message and have ignored him. I really don't want to talk to him. He walked out and as far as I'm concerned he can stay out. My ex has two kids from a previous relationship that he does the same thing too, just comes and goes. What should I do?

Answer 1

You should not prevent your ex from talking to and seeing his/her kids.

You can, and in your case should, require supervision of visits by professional counselors. (he/she pays the fee)

You should go to court and have the child custody reflect the requirement for supervised visitation. A known drug abuser is not reliable.

Answer 2

I only had to read the question and your first sentence....
There is no way in hell my son would see his dad if he were like that. Support and visitation do NOT walk hand in hand. Continue to ignore him. Or tell him the kids don't see him as their dad. Normally the truth is best. Why would you care about how he feels about it? He made his choices for his life. Now he can live with those choices.

Answer 3

Ask your two kids whether they are really sure they don't want to see and talk to their real daddy. If the answer is yes, then go ahead and tell your ex that he is not welcome and the kids have voiced out their opinion. Don't let him come into your perfect new life now. You owe yourself and your current husband and kids this.

Answer 4

I wouldn't let such a mentally unstable, selffish person around m kids! They have a new dad now and everythings great maybe having this drug user in their life might screw them up

Answer 5

if he is clean, then not only should you let him see the kids, you should make them. they may not want to now, but they may later in life. I would do it in a public place and wouldn't leave, just stand back and keep a eye on everything. he is their father, no matter what you think of him, and they may regrett the choice that you let them make now.

Answer 6

Dont let him back in to ur lives..he could stuff it up after so long...think about u and ur kids....just tell him u r getttin on with life and thats it....sorry if my man did that after 2 years...I would be telling him to get lost.Good luck.:)

Answer 7

If the kids are not interested in talking to him, don't even bother going there... Don't respond to him... In fact, file a petition with the court to take away his parental rights based on severe lack of interest (2 years is a long time) and unfit parent (drugs)... after you take his rights away, then anytime he bothers you and your husband after that will be harassment and is punishable by law.

Answer 8

We are in the same situation with my husband's ex-wife. She walked out over 9 years ago and now she expects to come back into their lives as if she never left and be "Mommy." I feel like she is saying, "Okay, I'm back now. Let's pick up where we left off. And I will fix everything now." Thanks, but nothing is broken, except the children's hearts.

I suggest you allow him to call on the phone for short calls. This needs to be a gradual re-introduction into their lives. Anything else will turn their worlds upside down. And it will give you the opportunity to reassure yourself that he isn't saying or doing anything that will negatively impact the kids.

This doesn't have anything to do with your relationship with him, but about what's best for the children. They should have a relationship with their bio-dad for a couple of reasons. The kids can know that they didn't do anything to drive dad away and they will see his character for themselves and know that he stayed away because he wanted to not because you kept him away. And your current husband won't be singled out as the bad guy for keeping bio dad away.

My 15 year old's counselor said the best thing is for her to see for herself what kind of character her mother has. Then she won't feel like she needs to either hate her bio-mom or put her on a pedestal. And I won't be targeted as someone who drove bio mom away.

I will pray for you and your family. This isn't easy for you I'm sure.

Answer 9

He might be their father, but he isn't their dad. A dad is someone who stays for the long haul.

My father did very simliar things when I was growing up. My grandfather became my father figure, my dad. Everything would be fine until my father would pop up every once in a while. It took a hard toll on me and my mother. It just was not worth. I spent a lot of my childhood wondering why I wasn't important enough for him to stay around? What was wrong with me? It wasn't until I was older that I realized that it had nothing to do with me, it was him.

I would suggest to keep him away from your children. They have a good family life and growing up is hard enough without outside forces causing emotional turmoil.

Answer 10

You heard from him on myspace????? how old is he, 12? YOu should have him written off and dead to you. Tell your kids (once their 18) that they can find their dad on myspace.

How many friends does he have? Is tom on his friend list?

Answer 11

People can change their ways. If he has really done this, then I could not see why you shouldn't. Your children will know at one time who their real father is, and it is unfair to them not to. However if he is still the way he was, then I would say no. Keep him away at all costs.