BARRY (i know ? will read this and i am sorry i didnt't want to hurt her)
I was only young when you did things to me that a dad (stepdad) should not do and i have waited years to say something to you but never had the courage even though you are miles away, I know that i was not your own flesh and blood but what gave you the right to do it to me you took away my childhood, i only contacted you again not because i love you but because i wanted you to say sorry but you never did, i have nothing to gain or lose by doing this so here goes , when you sneaked into my bedroom even knowing that i shared a room and asking me not to say anything to mum and when mum had a suspicion something was going on you told me i didnt have to say anything and i never did ( i was a youngster and didnt know it was wrong) it was your dirty secret , i grew up hating men because of you unlike our ? i didnt sleep around i didnt trust men but i met paul and told him after a while what happened to me
2007-03-01 18:42:46 · 34 answers · asked by margaret 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
and told him after a while what happened to me as a kid and it was hard for us both especially when i had lisa i was terrified of him touching her but i knew deep down he would never touch her , i have 3 daughters now who i have tried to warn of naughty men but i know they will suffer because of the way i have been trying to protect them , they don't know you and never will until i draw my last breath they will never have anything to ever do with you, as for jackie moving in with you i have said my piece to her about it .. she has always said she knew about it but now has changed her mind she probably only wants to know you as she heard you have made a good life for your self, i have begged her not to take them girls anywhere near you but she won't listen, I know you will deny all this because what man wouldn't , jackie didnt tell me you came over for nicola's wedding because i told her if you ever came back to england i would get you for what you did and i meant it i have never had s
2007-03-01 18:43:40 · update #1
so much anger and hate towards anyone as i have towards you i hope god has made you suffer over the years for what you did as i have suffered for what you did to me but i have come through it with councilling and love off paul and my kids , my mum has suffered as i couldn't take it out on you so i took it out on her i was angry with her because she never reported you to the police , you once told me in a phonecall that they say a leopard can't change it's spots but you have well i hope to god you have because i would hate any other child to have suffered at your hands , i am sorry but i had to do this as i just cant face talking to you on the phone that is why i didnt say much when you phone last time i have cried so may tears over the years because of you but now i want to put all that behind me and i only could if i told you how i felt . you can tell erana it's all lies but you know it isnt and you should me a real man and admit it , i am sorry to erana but she doesnt know half of
2007-03-01 18:46:43 · update #2
and i just hope she does not think it's all lies as it has taken a lot of courage for me to do this
2007-03-01 18:47:31 · update #3
this happened a long time ago i am 37 now he is remarried now and living in new zealand for the past 15 years i only did this as my sister is planning totake my 2 nieces and move over there and live with him she knows about what he did but it is not enough to stop her going over , he did come to england last year but she didnt tell me as she knew if i found out i was going to confront him i was angry with her as i never got the chance i have had to live with this while he has made a nice new life in nz and carried on as normal , i think he moved there because he knew this would all come out one day
2007-03-01 19:09:10 · update #4
Hi, I feel for you cos I know what it's like to be abused by a step parent, you did exactly the right thing e-mailing him, my mother didn't believe me when i told her what was happening to me, It was happening to me from when i was 5 until i was 16, then i finally left home, that was 40+ years ago I still havent forgotton it, but have managed to get on with my life ( I'm now 51), It's been damn hard mind you, I was the same never trusted men, If you want to talk you can e-mail me, glad you could talk to Paul about it as thats the hardest thing of all is talking about these things, keep you're chin up,
2007-03-01 19:51:09 · answer #1 · answered by Piggy56 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have done the right thing. You can also report him to the police in New Zealand, and to the police in the UK. I suggest you do that immediately and have no feelings of guilt about it whatsoever!
If nothing else, the fact that there is a police report may actually drive home to your sister how serious the situation is with this man, and hopefully prevent any other child being abused by him ever again.
As an aside, it never ceases to amaze me how people, even knowing that a person is a paedophile, can ignore the warnings of family and friends and still bring their children into contact with them.
Paedophilia is a psycho-sexual disorder for which there is no known cure. Paedophiles believe that children want to have sexual relationships with adults. Time and distance will not have changed your step-dad and his beliefs.
You have done what you can, so far, to warn your sister, and other people, and that is a good thing. Never allow anyone to silence you over this.
Now, you hold your head up high and go have a good life! This man took away your human rights when you were a child. The counselling, and this email you have sent, are the first steps towards reclaiming them.
Good luck.
2007-03-01 20:43:59 · answer #2 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends why you are doing it and what you are expecting to get out of it. I am not sure why you felt the need to post it on here for 100's of people to read..... I think it may be beneficial for you to get some counselling so that you can learn to live with this in a more positive way though. I hope you find the peace of mind you need and deserve for your future and your children's future.
Have you thought about reporting this to the police? They take this very seriously and the bottom line is that he could and probably is doing this to other children. Personally I would do anything I can to try and stop him hurting other children. If you can report it to the police. Should he get prosecuted at least you will have done something to protect other children and it may offer you some closure.
2007-03-01 21:27:08 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a strong woman.....I'm not sure I could be that brave
My mum was raped as a child and I know the hurt and pain this has caused her in her life - these men just don't understand the damage they leave behind when they move on - the child never does.....
But you sound like you have took control my love, this is the only way to overcome your fears. I'm sure your family is a credit to you and I hope your stepdad rots in hell.
Em. x ( the daughter of a survivor )
2007-03-01 20:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by EMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to hear this. Men are so evil to do this, especially when its a daughter figure. The worst thing is that he has taken away something so valuable from you, and no one can give it back.
I believe that one day you will get back when he took away from you, believe it or not, because even if there is no justice in this world, remember that god is just.
I know that it will take a lifetime to get rid of the pain, but please try to make the most of life, dont let him ruin everything. Take Care
2007-03-01 20:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by Honey 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You were absolutely right to let him know...but it would have been far better in a letter than an email (they are not totally secure....the others who mau have been hurt by reading it did you no harm;) It was rather thoughtless to do it that way but I can fully understand and sympathise with you.
I pray that now at least some of the hurt you have gone through would be healed.
I am delighted about Paul. Hold on to him.
2007-03-01 19:22:56 · answer #6 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as I read your email to the scumbag, tears fall from my face
I am a 40 year old man, who met a beautiful woman 7 years ago,there was something about her that caught my heart,we became very close, and for first time in my life, I wanted to get married and have a family
but, she told me she too had been abused by her step dad when she was 5, but never gave details
she was afraid to try, to give love, to receive love, to share and be loved, so she took off, running from her past because of a scumbag
it's been over 5 years, and I can't stop wondering what I could have done differently, to help her realize I wouldn't hurt her like so many others had
2007-03-01 18:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by onemark1966 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think you have done the right thing. You needed to do this to bring some sort of closure to the awful time you have had and how you have suffered at the hands of this awful man. Maybe now you can try to move on with your life and not let this man take away any more of the happiness you deserve
I wish you well
A
2007-03-01 18:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by ann jo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have sent the email now so nothing can be done, but maybe it would have been better for you to confront him face to face. Although very hard for you, i understand that.
It is still not too late to report him to the Police you know. I have heard of people doing that and getting the man convicted, even after years and years.
Your pain is obvious, and i can see that you want closure. You have done fantastically well rebuilding your life. This man was total scum to do this to you. It never happened to me but my friend was abused by her step-dad. She was older than you though..
Have you ever had counselling? Its not too late for that either, and may help sort out your feelings.
So very sorry for you that you have this awful thing in your past.
God bless,
Faith x
2007-03-01 18:56:34 · answer #9 · answered by Caroline 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only important thing is how it helps you honey. If you feel a lot better than great. Personally, I would have been much more vengeful, and perhaps, vulgar in my message to him; but only to vent, not to be disgusting.
I really hope sending it helped you. I have a female friend who even took her Uncle to court after he impregnated her. He was guilty but got off with no sentence. She still needs help I think.
Promise me if you find yourself thinking about him often, or feeling in a bad way about how it effected you, that you'll join a support group. I think you've done very well so far, and I want you to keep going. Congratulations hon!
2007-03-01 18:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by Huguenot 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋