How can I be a better woman than others for my husband?

Question

My husband and I were 2 years married. This few months i noticed him that often time when he saw another girl, he would really stair to them and also there were times that he would say that I should be like her ( if a girl passed by). Of course I feel bad about it. My looks are not quite beautiful as those of an actresses ofr models. he can notice the appearance of others but when I fixed myself to look more attractive to him, he can never notice unless I told him so. Is he doesn't love me anymore or what would be the mean for that.....

Answer 1

i have something for you to read if you have the time.... i'll paste it below..

my advice is just to love him unconditionally.

**When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms**

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the
car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I
went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil
servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same
time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the
apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs." Her
words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife
said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said "You go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy,
because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea
of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how
mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.
I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we
watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing
Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, "Suppose we divorce, what
will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.

Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I
couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something
while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at
my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live
together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to
tell you", I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt
in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce." I raised the serious
topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
"Why?" "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer made
her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a
man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted
to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that
she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who
had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I
could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which
had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found
she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but
I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the
month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you
still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This
question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded
and said, "I remember." "You carried me in your arms," she continued, "so,
I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when
we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from
the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to
end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce", she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel
uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped
behind us, "Daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I
walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said
softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus,
I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long
time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on
her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still
an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where
she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about
this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was
picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have
grown bigger." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she
was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.
I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense
of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said.

To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part
of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting
room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I
held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much
lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your
arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life
lacked intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any
delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got no
fever." She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can
only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably
because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't
love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the
home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.
So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife
which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

Answer 2

First of all, you must understand that you are being disrespected by your husband. If your husband is openly, blatantly staring at other women, and then to add insult to injury, he is comparing them to you, then he is disrespecting you.

This problem has nothing to do with your looks. In fact, it has nothing to do with you. Your husband is merely insensitive and inconsiderate to your feelings. Sure, spouses may find other people attractive, but openly checking them out in front of your wife is demeaning. Even if he behaved that way with his friends when you were not there...staring so openly and judging how beautiful they are implies that he is on the look out.

Let me repeat...there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. It is your husband's fault. He needs to treat you like the beautiful woman you are, inside and out. I would suggest you go to a counselor or therapist and discuss this situation. Good men do not behave this way. Decent people do not behave this way.

Answer 3

Your husband is a jerk for treating you this way. You should discuss with him about how you feel about this treatment. Only you can figure it out yourself if your husband truely loves you. True love is not about being in love with physical appearance but about being in love with the person inside.

If you are not happy with your physical appearance than there are ways you can improve to make yourself feel better but whats important is to know that your man loves the person inside you as much as he does the person outside. If he doesn't than i hate to say that you ended up with the wrong guy.

Answer 4

I guess your hubby should accept who you are. You are a special and unique person. That's way he married you in the first place right? About your hubby looking at other women, have you asked him what makes him think that other women are more attractive? By all means, they may be worse than you. He may not know their bad habits and faults yet, don't you agree??

Answer 5

Real love shoulden't be based on physical attraction. I think that it is awfull that he is saying that you should be like other girls. Is there something that triggered this like weight gain? Regardless I think that it is completly ridiclious, is this an everyday thing? I know that it is normal for men to look, but he shoulden't be telling you that you should look like somebody elese. He should be happy with you, he married you. How long has this been going on?

Answer 6

Not to be mean, but what an *** hole your man is. He should NEVER say you shoud look like her. You be yourself. Maybe you should look and tell him,"hey, he's hot. You need to look like him." But you should fix yourself up more often if u dont. I started fixing myself up. and now my husband is worring about me leaving him and getting with another guy cause im losing weight and looking pretty. I'm not trying to tell you to look good for someone else. But make him feel that way. maybe you will get his attetion like i get attention from my man.

Answer 7

It seems to me he was looking @ other people BEFORE you got married you just feel insecure about yourself. DON'T YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT LOOK GOOD IS NOT GOOD ALL THE TIME BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP! Do a little soulsearching!

Answer 8

Everyone looks at others. Both my lover and I check people out, but wow, if my lover ever said, "you should look like her," he'd get slapped! It's not that he doesn't love you. It's just that he's an as shole!

Answer 9

Hey he picked you out of millions just be yourself and tell him to stop being dumb asking you to change your appearance to look like other women :)

Answer 10

make an offer with him....if you go out somewhere and he only looks at you and pays attention to you and tells you how sexy you are, that you will give him a ******* in the car on the way home!

Answer 11

the fact that he chose you to be his wife means that you are the best woman for hI'm! as for him telling you to look like someone else,well im not so sure about that,midlife crisis maybe?