I really need to talk to anyone...dealing with controlling husband and dont know what to do.?

Answer 1

I had to leave mine, he wouldn't reform. Leopards don't change their spots, even though they might try to convince you otherwise.

Answer 2

Ask yourself: 1) Have you agreed with your husband that the family's financial needs demanded these sacrifices? 2) Or, do you feel that you unwillingly accepting a lifestyle that you've never really wanted?

If the answer to question #1 is yes, then your anger and frustration are more a function of the fact that you are no longer satisfied with the choices that you and your husband once made. People and relationships grow and change. Perhaps moving for the sake of your husband's work was once acceptable to you. However, you now understand the price that you and the children have had to pay and it's no longer worth it to you.

If that's the case, then I would suggest that you begin to dialog with your husband and help him to understand the effect moving has had on you and the children. Perhaps, when he fully understands how you feel, he will then be willing to explore additional options.

If, on the other hand, the answer to question #2 is yes, then ask yourself why you've allowed your husband to become so powerful that neither you nor the children have had a say in how this family functions.

Find the courage to assert yourself. Without blaming or accusing, confront your husband. Tell him that you're not interested in making more sacrifices. He must understand that there are two people in this marriage and both have needs and wants. A marriage can only work when there is mutual respect. It might be safer to share your feelings in a letter which will enable him to have the time to think about your concerns.

Remember happiness is a function of self-respect and intimacy. Act to create happiness for yourself.

Good luck,

Answer 3

If your husband is abusive, you need to get help. It doesn't get better, and can only get worse. If this has been going on for some time, it's probably worn you down. There is help and support out there for you and lots of it. Women are tolerating this behavior less and less! Emotional and verbal abuse are a form of control and though you don't give details, I'm guessing that is what you're going through.

My suggestions would be to go to this site www.drirene.com and join the catbox. There you will read stories about people who are in controlling and abusive relationships, and you can write about your own. They are a very supportive group. They will give you suggestions and ideas on all kinds of things you can do to deal with this, and you definitely won't feel so alone! Also, if you can, go to the local bookstore and get the book 'Controlling People' by Patricia Evans. You will learn a lot there too! Educate yourself all you can on this. It is NOT OK for people to treat you this way - no matter WHAT!

Answer 4

Do not be mistaken, A controlling husband can destroy yourlife as surely as a husband that beats you up. They are two sides of the same coin.

You need to get out of there. Please plan your exit carefully. Make sure you know where you will live and what you will do for money. He will come after you and plead. Once you leave, shake the dust of his house off your shoes. Don't go back. Standing on your own two feet is not easy but there are resources. If all else fails, call a shelter for abused women. They will do an intake and you must break all communication with him.

You have your whole life ahead of you. This is hard to pass through but it shall also pass. You will come out stronger and like pure silver more refined. You will survive this, I did.

There is no changing his behaviour. That is the sad truth.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Consult a Psychiatrist or a Marriage Councellor - Alone or Together. Dont be scared. Fear can get you to make a lot of mistakes for which you may not be able to face the repercussions. I understand that it can be very difficult to communicate with him. Dont let the situation take control over you. Do it slowly. Start praying if you believe there's an almighty. Coz prayer gives a lot of strength - If you are already doing it - then focus only on one thing to God. Ask for Peace of Mind. If you have the courage and support please move out and start your life afresh. Now Cheer up!! :) Life isnt that bad. There's lot of good around us too.

Answer 6

You need to build a back bone and start taking control of your own life.

He is controlling because you allowed him to do so.

Start by making your own decisions.

Begin to live your life as though he wasnt apart of it. And asked yourself what am I to do with my life? How do I survive? If you were to leave him you would have to face this type of thinking regardless, so why not put it to effect.

When you see yourself begin to make your own money, make your own decisions at work. Plan out your day and schedules things in your life, and begin to really think for yourself. You will feel a sense of power because you are NOW calling your own shots.

Never settle for anything. You live once, so do what it is you want. You want to live your life remembering the things you did versus regreting the things you didnt do.

Once you have that control over your life and have finances coming in your husband will feel the threat but will deal with it. If he doesnt then he is not looking forward to bettering the things in your lives.

By then you'll be in control of your own life and will be able to make any decisions. You have the chocie to stay or leave. At that point you know you can handle it.

Think selfishly but productively. If you have children, showing them confidence is the best gift you can give them.

Answer 7

First of all is he abusing you at all? If so get out now and do not look back. You both may need marriage counseling here and I am here if you need to talk to someone as well. How is he controlling you? Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter as well. Your husband will also need counseling and help for his problem if he is ever going to change his behaviour as well. Here comes lots of hugs for you today.

Answer 8

If you go to church seek help from your pastor or bishop. The next step would be a marriage counselor. When a married couple can't work things out together then they must seek the help of some kind of therapist. When a person is controlling they are abusive, whether the abuse is physical, emotional or mental it is the same. Please seek help even if you have to go alone.

Answer 9

it really is because, they in effortless words pick the memories which the visitors pick to make sure, and those extra regularly then no longer tutor to be sided in the route of the "victimized" discern, or significant different(frequently lady). i imagine it really is because the american human beings see a controlling spouse as a "wussy" portion of have, because it shows weak point interior the husband. Plus showing help for those human beings is seen incorrect of their society... why help someone who would not enable them party? or a minimum of thats the way I see it...

Answer 10

If you don't have family where you are, then go home until you can get your life together for you and your child. The other option would be to a women's shelter which helps in all factors of getting on your feet with your family.

Answer 11

Hon......I had same problem.
At first I thought the love was control. Then I realized that he took over my life and I was no longer myself. It was scary.

Get some counseling.