URGENT HELP: My husband and I have been together for 3 years?

Question

and to this minute he still does not trust me. He works out of town often and I am stay home mom at his wishes, he doesnt want me to work cause he says he makes enough for all of us.
Anyways I have been home three straight weeks with a toddler and I am going mad, as in crying and getting fustrated. I have no friends anymore because of him, I have no family here. I want to get a job but I have no help, as in child care. I have to wait another year until he is in school. I have asked him to get me a car tonight or at least work on it, and he really hates the idea of me having any access to the outside world, he is always defiant about it until I break down. I cant take it anymore and I dont know what to do, I have bean beaten up by him both when I was pregant and when I wasnt. I was too scared to leave the first time and the second time he said he would get help. I am at my wits end with this man. We dont have sex anymore either and no matter what say HE always brings that up

and totally ignores why I dont want to sleep with anymore, like the fact he has been violent to me. He doesnt get it. He only see's himslef in this relationship and when I want to leave, I cant as I have no money, no help, no frineds or family and he threatens to take my child away from me ashe makes the money.
I dont know wat to do, right now I amthinking of just ending everything...i am crying as I write this cause I cant get through to him. Iam 26 and he is 33. I feel like a prisoner. He makes it sound less worse than it is.

I cant leave cause I would be homeless and lose my child...i really dont know what to do, I feel like a real idiot.

Answer 1

If what you say is true, then you could easily win in a divorce. Get a lawyer and have him help you set up your husband. Use an MP3 to record him saying things to you and when you divorce him, you will win. You will have lots of money and your baby.

Answer 2

Was he like this before you married him or did this not show up until AFTER the marriage? You need to leave him soon! You say you don't have any family there, but you have to have family SOMEWHERE. Can you talk to your mom about it? Maybe she and your father could spring for a one-way bus ticket for you and your son. Your husband is disgustingly controlling and you are living in a prison. You deserve to be treated better- a lot better. You're in an abusive relationship. You can't honestly tell me you love this guy. You're afraid of him. Everytime you probably even have sex with him, you're disgusted and hoping he lasts 5 minutes if even that, so you can get it over with.

Get support from your family to get a bus ticket away from him and when you leave, do it while he's at work. Don't tell your child what's happening because he/she WILL tell Daddy "Me and Mommy are going on a trip". Just take the kid and GO that day. Walk to the bus station if you have to or take a cab.

Answer 3

To me, he is totally have control over your life. He treated you no different than a prisoner in your own home. You have been in physically and emotionally abuse relationship with this man. How can you last w/him for 3 long years? You are an adult, pls make your own decision. Don't let him make them for you. Try to find a job first by taking a bus, so you can save up some money to buy yourself a car. send your child to a day care center,or look for help from a social services. I am sure they'll help any woman in your situation. Don't let the abuse continue as your child getting older. If you can't protect yourself, how can you even protect your child? I got married young and have a child. My ex was very strict about money, and he found out he was a gambler. And as he told me is his money so he do whatever he wanted with it. So, I got out of the relationship quick when I was 21 yrs old. With no money,no car and no college degree. Let me tell you, that was hardest moment of my life that I'll never forget, but I did got by. Now my child is 13 yrs old and I am remarried again, and my husband now of 6 yrs is the best thing that ever happen in my life. Just remember this, if you think that you worth more than what you deserve right now,don't settle for less. That's what I did. If you think that he loves you, you have to love yourself more. If you let him lay a hand on you once he gonna do it again and again. He only do it unless you allowed him to do it.( From some one who care.)

Answer 4

Sounds like it's been 3 years too long. You are NOT alone! You should focus on one thing at a time, and the first thing is leaving. You can contact the police, who will drive you to safety with absolutely no problems. Or you can contact your local women's shelter who will come and pick you up. Or you can pack up your toddler and start walking to either of those places. Do not worry about anything else. When you get there you can talk to someone who's been in your shoes and they will know exactly what to do and it will all be in your best interests.

The first step to a better life for you and your child is right out your front door. Don't be afraid. You can do it!

Answer 5

First thing you need to do is calm down. You can think better when you have your head on straight. Second you need to talk to your family even if they are out of state or in another city. Explain to them that you have been abused by your husband and you need their help NOW. I would pack up my belongs and leave when he goes out of town. Go to a family or even a good friend even if it's been some time since you have spoken to them. I am sure if you explain the whole thing they will understand your situation. Don't become a crime statistic of a battered women who was killed by her husband. I know that you don't want to hear all this but it is true. And if you don't get out of this situation you will more then likely be beaten up again or worse. Don't just think about yourself but you also have to consider you baby too. Is this environment safe and health for your baby. I would strong recommend if your husband hits you or verbal is abuses or threatens you call the police. Get out while you can. Be careful and good luck.

Answer 6

I would suggest contacting someone at social services after he goes to work. Talk to someone and ask for help. If you want to stop getting hurt, you will probably have to leave. Make a big breakfast for yourself and your child after he leaves. After one hour has past pack all of your child's belongings that you may need and anything of yours that you can possibly carry and have it waiting near your front door (or if you suspect that he may come home early, put the bags/suitcases in a closet that he doesn't regularly visit). Call anyone that may be able to help. I would call a family member that you truely love and explain the situation. If you can't get through to a family member, visit a neighbor at the end of your block. Ask for a ride. Make sure that you have the address to the shelter or hotel that you are staying at handy and go! Get out and never look back.

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. First off, please do not believe anyone on here who is telling you that this is your fault: Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault, no matter what decisions they may make.
Next, check out this website: www.ncadv.org and find the local domestic violence shelter in your area. Leaving a batterer with a young baby is NEVER easy, but it's better than being a prisoner in your own home or, even worse, dead.
Regarding your husband saying he'll get help or he'll change- these are frequent "promises" made by batterers in the honeymoon stage used to entice their victims to stay- and it works most of the time!
You are NOT alone and help IS out there for you and your baby. Please take care and get you and your baby to a safe place, both physically and emotionally.

Answer 8

I don't know where you live, but there are organizations you can go to that will offer assistance. What about abuse shelters or a local church? Both can guide you on what help is available to you. It sounds as though you need to start with getting protection from the abuse. This has been his method of keeping you under his rule. Talk to law enforcement for protection and they can also inform you as to where you can seek the help for temporary shelter(if they cannot force your husband to vacate the property that you occupy with him). Ask the health and human services for assistance in low or no income legal asistance. The important thing is to make sure you move away from him and into a safer environment for yourself and your child. He is a prime example of the ultimate spousal abuser using fear and financial control to keep you living like a human being. Good Luck.

Answer 9

I totally feel sorry for you, but the fact is you put yourself in this situation by giving him power over you. And just the fact that you don't have any income is even more scary. He should have put your child in day care to give you time to do what ever you want to do, work and or go to school. You differently need to leave the relationship now. He sounds insane to me, you need to get help now, look on line for your local women and children shelter, or for abused women and children. Tell them your situation and arrange for transportation for you and your child to get to the shelter. Pack your things and leave for your own safety. Your in a very dangerous situation. What about your family, is there anybody you can call? Your Mom, Sister, Brother? Could they take you and your child in until you get back on your feet? The first thing you should do is call the shelter, they help women, find jobs, school, and housing, next call the police and go get a retrsaining order on his sorry butt, tell the police that you don't feel safe and that you are being physically abused by your husband. If you have a police report or record about the abuse it isn't anyway he would get custody of your child, go press charges on him for assault and kidnapping and also tell them that you don't think that your child is safe around him, tell them the reason why. Write down all of the times that you were physically , emotionally, and verbally abused by this man, times and dates included, get a record of what he says and do. Get help now!! You need to be strong for not only yourself but for the safety of your child, get to that shelter, tell them that you don't have any transportation and they can help with that. I know it's going to be a hard road ahead but be brave, and be strong. Don't tell him that you are going to leave, when he's not home then you go, and don't call him and tell him where you are. Don't have any contact with him until you go to court, file divorce papers, file for child support, and let c.p.s. know that you don't think your husband should have visitation rights, or just limited visitation. Good luck, and I'll pray for you.

Answer 10

Post-partum depression is normal and can seem like the worst, but you married your husband and had kids with him and moved away with him... so what changed that you don't like the situation anymore? It sounds like he is dedicating his life to supporting the family. That whole thing about him beating you is not good, but you went with him, so whose fault is that?

You say he has cut you off from everything, but you have a computer that you posted this question to Yahoo Answers with... doesn't sound too cut-off to me. If he isn't around, how can he be holding you back? You are just bored and are putting this on him, since he is away too much. Ask him to get a job where he is closer to home.

Answer 11

I could finish reading this. This really sound like a he is an abuser. he cut you off from the world. he is gone for long periods of time, and you don't even have a car? you both need to go to therapy. not marriage councelor. therapy. you sound like a victim, I just saw the part where he hits you, which I was gonna say would be the next step, but your already there. run away.