Does anyone else feel like there's something wrong with the word 'should'?

Question

I think it's a really good way to instill guilt in someone. It's not encouraging, but rather puts pressure on people to do things they normally wouldn't want to do.
I think it's a shaming word. 'Should' and 'shouldn't' need to be taken out of the English language? We use them too much, and they cause more harm than good.

I think it's much more empowering for someone to say 'choose' or 'need' than 'should'. I don't know; I've thought that for a long time. I just thought I'd see if anyone else has ever thought that way before.

I think the way we use language is very important.

Answer 1

I agree with most of what you have to say but all people have the right to choose what actions they should take; a person shouldn't let others guilt them into anything. A person should have the common sense to choose what choice they're going to make and have the guts to set boundaries with anybody who tries to pressure them into something. However, sometimes a person needs to be pressured or guilted into doing something for their well-being or someone else's. I agree with the fact that it's a really good way to instill guilt in someone. It's not encouraging, but rather puts pressure on people to do things they normally wouldn't want to do. I think it's a shaming word. It's much more empowering for someone to say 'choose' or 'need' than 'should'. I don't know; I've thought that for a long time.

Answer 2

You know, as a matter of fact i've been thinking somewhat along the lines of what your saying about the word Should, but on the other hand some other things come to mind.

Sometimes people are too stubborn to listen to things you say to them like for example "You need to do it like this." People won't listen and will instead do it their own way. Then, once they fail they will probably have a hard time accepting change. The words "should/should've" actually aren't that bad, because it gives the person the feeling that they have a choice in the matter. Telling someone that they NEED to do something is somewhat extreme and everyone always needs a choice.

Answer 3

Language is very important! And being able to have a softer word like "should" needs to be part of it. Image in a relationship if you could never suggest things with "should", but only demand them with "must" or "need". Do people use should as shaming? Yes, but it's useful for other means also.

Answer 4

So if I say you "should" answer a question, that's more pressure than you if I say you "need" to answer a quetion? Do we need to get rid of could and would also?

People "need" to be able to "choose" whatever word they want to use. You "shouldn't" try to get rid of words. If someone feels pressure, it's because of the situation, not the wording.

Answer 5

Agreed... it's a control word to me too and I try not to use it much.

Edit:
Instead of prefacing a statement with 'you should', I start with "if it were me, I would... because...."

It takes time to get that detailed and often folks don't want to know how I would do it, but at least a different option was presented and new ideas can be pondered.

Live well~

Answer 6

A secular based request to be walked around on eggshells.

Trade secret: Mental health is trained to preach this rumor to make people believe everyone is trying to ruin they're lives. Keeps people paranoid and reliant.

Answer 7

You are right. But I never thought of those words like that. Thanks for your unique insight. It is true we use words as value judgments against others. We need to be more thoughtful about it. But sometimes we use words to challenge people to think outside of themselves. Don't you think so? Sometimes value related words are better than ordinary words. We just have to be careful when to use them or not. Thanks again.