Is there a website where I can get information to show her how destructive her behavior is when she is avoidant. She will do something that bothers me and when I express to her that it bothers me she says its stupid and no reason to get upset when Im clearly upset about it. Then when I ask her why she doesnt think its a big deal she says whatever, forget it, I dont want to talk about it etc. I know she loves me but she thinks her avoidant behavior is not a problem but she doesnt see that it is causing me to be more attacking with my behavior. I fear she just doesnt know what she and we are doing to each other in this poor communication pattern and I want to educate her. I already sent her stuff from Dr. Phils site but she says she doesnt want to read it because its too long and it doesnt make sense. She isnt stupid but maybe has low self esteem and might not want to face our problems which include her. when talking to her I make her feel like its all her because she doesnt respond,help
2007-03-01 16:08:45 · 6 answers · asked by 1authority 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You tell her. She doesn't listen.
You supply information. She won't read it.
She is responding. Avoidance is a response. Just like "Go to hell", is an answer.
Project this pattern out to a year from now and ask yourself "What are the chances this is ever going to change?" and "Is the relationship worth putting up with her behavior?" You sound frustrated. Is this what you were looking for in a relationship? Is it likely that her behavior and your frustration with it is going to make for an unhappy, unsatisfying relationship? Is your attacking behavior escalating out of frustration?Does the line "I'd rather be unhappy with you, than lonely with somebody else." apply to you?
Do you feel safer with a woman with low self esteem and an avoidant /dismissive/ DESTRUCTIVE personality? Or are you just now bringing into focus a personality flaw that you cannot tolerate?
In general, a sane life alone is superior to an insane life in the company of another person. And sane life with someone more compatable would be even superior to that.
How refreshing to hear from a man that is confounded by his heart as easily as he is by his penis.
2007-03-01 17:03:45 · answer #1 · answered by LadyAtPlay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't like it, leave. I can't tell if the problem is her or you from all that crap with no specifics that you wrote, but there's the message: you don't like it, then leave.
If you're the problem, still leave. If she's really the problem, leave.
There. Nobody is causing you to attack anybody. You are responsible for what you do. Period.
2007-03-02 00:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She isn't stupid and she doesn't have low self esteem. She has low-involvement issues. She may be bipolar. But good luck getting her to ever see what she does wrong. People like that NEVER change.
2007-03-02 00:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband does the same thing to me. The way he sees it if it don't bother him then it shouldn't bother me.
Not true and no i haven't found a way to get it in his head that walking away don't help. Because it just eats at me for the longest time.
Yes it sucks
So if you find a way let me know so I can try it out too.
2007-03-02 00:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is such a good funk that you cant get rid of her?
2007-03-02 00:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is she your gf?
2007-03-02 00:17:13 · answer #6 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋