Is he cheating on me?

Question

For several months now my husband is much 'less' affectionate, and does not seem to
want sex as much as he used to, and I gave him a puzzled look and was astonished at how he turned so 'red in the face', but I said nothing.
Also, about three months ago he joined a gym
and goes 'faithfully' every morning before he goes to work. He tells me he just wants to get in shape. Two weeks ago I found a dark hair in the seat of the car (passenger seat), but i blew it off
thinking it might be my daughters.
One night this week when he came home from work I kissed him, and there was a smell similar
to the face powder my grandmother used to use.
I have 'not' confronted him with this 'YET'.
Also, I realized the hair in the car could not have been my daughters because she hasn't been in the car. We've only had it for two months, and she hasn't been over since christmas.
I must admit I'm really upset and not sure how to handle this. Am I just over reacting??

Answer 1

Did you know 85% of the women that suspected their spouse was cheating...were correct? When you add all this up together...it sounds pretty suspect. More than anything....your intuition is telling you something...and your brain is trying to shut it down with your 'over reacting' routine.

His health club antics and everything else you say (other than the hair...who knows about that one!)...speaks of cheating.

Follow him or do something to double check. Then prepare yourself for how you are going to feel and act if it is true.

I pray it's not. Don't ever not trust your intuition. It is a GIFT.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Well, that hair in the car is suspicious, but, not speaking like the devil's advocate, lets say that maybe he gave a lift, and the smell, well maybe an old lady gave him a kiss because he looked cute that day... maybe...

However, the changes in his behavior are ver very suspicious.

A man changes his habits when there is a good reason, for example: his overweight and need to get in shape due to a health condition; but being less affectionate and detached from you, distant, that's suspicious...

But still we can't judge him, especially if the changes in habit are limited to the previously explained, nevertheless, if the changes continue (goes out for drinks, come back home later than usual from work) then you must sound the alarms.

If I where you, I wouldn't confront him, that would only alarm him and make him more cautious of getting caught, that's, of course, if he's having an affair.

Check the car more thoroughly (under the seats, the trunk, under the carpets, ash tray, glove compartments) and keep an eye on if he washes and vacuums it more often; Check if he's spending habits have changed and if so, why; visit that gym to see if he is really around.

If everything happens to be in order, just believe your eyes and relax, if not, then get confrontational (but with proves); people always deny anything you say about an issue like this one, so, when you become confrontational, speak with evidence.

Answer 3

Okay, from a guy's point of view, here's my answer:
I go to the gym faithfully everyday to. I love it. I go for legitimate reasons. But, i do know there is a huge "dating" scene that goes on to. Why not get in shape yourself? Tell him you would like to start going to.
Now, i have some pretty sleazy friends that have cheated on their wives before and in my opinion these are the TOP signs to look for, no joke, they did all these:
They joined the gym to look better.
They bought new underwear.
They found excuses to leave the house so they could make cell phone calls. "I'm gonna run to the store to get something,"
They came home late, always with a good excuse.
They cleared their call history and text history on their cell phones.
They were braver to their wives, they had someone else on the side so they stood up to them more.
I'm not saying your husband is, but look for those signs. Also, ask yourself, when could he be seeing someone else? Does he have time after work? If he comes straight home and you both are on the same schedule, then it could be someone at the gym or office. But typically, they would want to carry it further, I mean there is only so much you can do in public places.
Do not confront him unless you know for sure. If you are right with no evidence, he will get smart and cover his tracks better, if you are wrong, you run the risk of losing his trust. He may think if you don't trust him anyway, why shouldn't he?
You seem to have suspicions about the gym. So I say, start there. You can even call the front desk after he arrives and say " My husband so and so forgot his wallet, has he made it yet." When they swipe your membership card at the gym it logs you in! Hope this helps!

Answer 4

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, it is a duck. Or words to that effect.

There are many ways to go about this and you have some very good answers here. What you should not do is ignore it. Even if it turns out to be a "false alarm", you need to deal with this and soon.

Before you confront him though,have a number of plans. What do you plan to do if it's true? Don't leave that up in the air, otherwise your reaction will be pure emotion.There is a lot involved in marriage and some of it is the "business" of marriage.

Whatever you do, when the chips are down, if you have to walk away, get professional advise. Emotions never put food on the table. Take care of your heart, your body and your pocketbook.

Answer 5

Wow...well, the evidence is sure stacking up against him.

I would say any one of these factors alone would not mean much, but all together they are pretty incriminating.

Have you or could you check e-mail or voice mail history?

Do you have an idea WHEN this tryst is taking place? Could you reasonable follow him once or twice to see for yourself? Is there a way to check with the gym if he is attending? I would think this would be kept private for most, but if it's your spouse, you may be able to find out.

My wife has an expression: Think the worst, and you're probably right. I hope it does not apply to this situation. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 6

You will only be over reacting if you don't take the time to get your actual proof before confronting him. He's going to say you are just jealous, crazy or barking up the wrong tree. So, check out his actions still and investigate other options that could verify what you suspect. Then let him know what you expect for him to do if you have the proof.

Answer 7

Talk to him. Try to keep your temper in check so it doesn't turn into a yelling match.
If you want more information first or something to confirm or refute your suspicions, maybe you ask him one day if you could go with him to the gym to see if maybe you'd like to join too. You'd have to do it the same day so he doesn't have a chance think about an excuse or change his plans if he is planning on meeting another woman and carefully watch his reaction. If it confirms your suspicions than you should have that talk with him right then and there.

Answer 8

You must have some proof before you wanted to confront him, otherwise he might think you are over reacting, and the situation might get worse than it is already was. Hire a PI or call the cheater show.( They'll do it w/out costing you any money.) Good luck.

Answer 9

You should always believe your heart - don't let things slide by, just cause you think you are jumping to conclusions or over reacting to something so stupid... If you heart and instict says that something is not right, then 8 out of 10 something will be wrong.

Follow him - if he is your husband and he means the world to you, step up girl, claim what is yours. I would follow him, i would go to the gym, i would ring him up more often, check his phone for any suspicious texts or phone numbers, all recent out going calls and incoming calls, check credit cards to see where his last purchases where - people might think that it is invasion of his privacy but you are his wife, he gave up his privacy the day he married you.

Trust me women have the power to find out anything, if you really want to find out the truth i guarentee you will.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that it turns out to be a misunderstanding :)

Answer 10

It is pretty suspicious, but don't jump to conclusions. "Assume" is *** U Me... It is possible he may have medical issues or something he isn't wanting to talk about (going to the Gym and decreased sex drive). Old lady face powder doesn't sound like the sort of thing a young vixen would be wearing either. You should certainly look into the situation more.