How would you feel if?

Question

Your spouse and you were having problems.
You told him that you needed space to think about things and he was devastated, saying he needed to talk about it all. You told him to talk to someone other than yourself as you couldn't help him as you needed space.
The person he chose to speak to was an old casual relationship he had, (he hasn't spoken to her since you two got together, but she has texted him often to check and see if you two were still together) - who then asked him if he was up for phone sex??
Would you be hurt and confused as to why he would chose to talk to her?

Just to clarify for everyone I told him to talk to someone else cos he wouldn't listen to anything I was saying and didn't care how I was feeling - he just wanted to tell me that he is perfect etc and it wasn't helping our situation. I meant for him to call a friend that knows us both well to get some insight not a cheap slu*t who offers herself for phone sex.

Answer 1

I can possibly understand it. I mean, from your point of view, you should be able to have your time to think without having to worry about everything going to hell in your absence! A lot of people will say you 'invited' this or 'brought it upon yourself' and thats really not true. I find it....rather unnerving that she texts him and such to find out how you two are doing. That is very suspicious and the fact that he chooses to talk to her I would say is almost for sure not a good thing. There is the possibility he is doing this to get you to talk to him, but somehow I doubt it. You two really do have issues. I would say you need to take your time to think. If you take a moment to realize that if the problems you have are so major that the difference between talking to him about it tomorrow morning and next week will make a huge difference...you know what I mean? Clear things up for yourself first and then move ahead. Take it one at a time and once you've figured yourself out (and in the process of doing so, make an honest assessment of how you feel toward the situation as a whole- this is important) then take it up with him. Also, be sure to figure out why he wanted to talk to her. Don't jump to conclusions though, you know what I mean? Maybe he wanted to ask her as a woman with whom he had nothing to lose, or to maybe ask a woman who had once been with him what he could have possibly done to cause these problems as she would be more likely to know. Sort things out, take it one at a time, and be sure to communicate with him. Really, (please take this part very seriously) be very careful in how you deal with him. Women like to think they are the only ones who have their insecurities and complexities and such and this mentality is not only wrong but it causes a lot of harm. Really think out how you're going to approach the matter with him and then work out a method of doing so that won't offend him. You need to get into a male mind to do this. Perhaps ask someone close how to best do this. This is crucial because if you don't do it right you will almost for sure incite insecurity within him and cause him to push you away. Good luck with your spouse.

Answer 2

You got married for better or for worst. Space_____ what is space in a marriage? Then you want to control his reaction to the can of worms that YOU opened. HMMMM!!!!. There are alllllottt of variables in your account of this situation. What's up with him having a connection with an old fling? That would've been done when y'all committed ( he don't need the tempting pressure ), and why are you sending him to talk to someone else? Who are you going to talk to about it? Do you have someone to vent to? Space!!!!!!!, Girlfriend go take a hot bath, light some candles, listen to your favorite mellow tunes and take some me time under those conditions and stop giving that man adverse things to be devastated about. Tell him you just needed a hug and let him meet you on the level your on. If he can find your there, your prince has arrived.

Answer 3

Why haven't you guys talked to a counselor? Or clergy? If you are going to talk to anybody it probably should be to someone who can actually help. Otherwise you never know what will happen...
Make a call and set up an appointment. You can go separately to start with. But get some help before this gets completely out of control.

Answer 4

If someone told me they needed space to think, I would take it as a break up. In fact, it is a break up. The commitment is gone. I think you wanted both the freedom from the relationship and you wanted him to still act committed to you until you decided one way or the other. Things don't really work that way....just break the relationship with him and set him free, then spend some time evaluating what you want. If it were him, you wouldn't have those doubts.

Answer 5

Honestly, I've been on his end of it before. He feels rejected and probably wants some attention.
You should ask yourself if you really want to be with him or if you really just want him now because someone else does.
Don't string him along.
Marriage is about working at a relationship together. You gave up when he wanted to talk. That wasn't very fair. Either cut him loose or work things out.

Answer 6

Men don't talk to other men about our relationship problems. We will either call our mother, or an old relationship. Men solve problems, women are better at listening. So, when he needed someone to talk to, he called his most available choice.

Now, my wife has told me that women can be conniving. I think that the old friend likely thought she might have an opportunity to get him. You pushing him away may have given her that chance. Perhaps a better choice would have been to tell him that you could talk about it later, hopefully at a specific time.

Communication is the key to a lasting relationship. If you can't talk NOW, don't just tell him that you can't talk.

Answer 7

Well, sounds like you weren't able or willing to talk about it and you told him to talk to someone else so obviously he did. What did you expect him to do? You weren't showing an interest yet she was so hey, he needed someone and guess who seemed to care more than you? I would feel like I made the mistake by not talking to him. Yes, I may be hurt but hey, I'm the one that turned him away. I wouldn't be confused though because it's a no brainer. You won't talk, she will.

Answer 8

Hurt,but Id feel it after I hurt her!!!..she knows hes married yet she persues him??.and is waiting on the side lines for a vulnerable moment??? .and he had to give her the green light.There should not be a third wheel in your marriage,it is between man and wife unless it is yiur spiritual counselor or a pro,or an objective mediator,someone to hear,both sides of the problem.You needing space to evaluate is fine but you shouldnt have sent him off to choose who to vent your intimate marage details too....Now he has crossed a line,with an X who obviously is not going to rule advise in your favor,only you know women,She will probally do it in a munipulative manor,if shes already offering phone sex to a married man,get your marriage to a mediator/pastor/objective senior,get him AWAY FROM HER!!@! this is YOUR marriage too he will be discusing...Im sure this is hurtful.good luck I hope you can find a mediator and salvage your marriage....

Answer 9

Maybe hurt, but not confused. If I said I needed space I should expect my spouse to turn to whoever was trying to keep in touch. Can't blame the vultures for circleing, and a pushed aside spouse is easy pickings...

Answer 10

Yes I would be pissed off and probable tell him that if he wanted some second hand cheap whore instead of a wife go for it because you don't need a man who can't make up his own mind and can't have real sex he has to do it behind a phone. I would be pissed at her also. Tell them both to F off you are too good for that shitl. Sorry but that really makes my blood boil and he isn't even my husband. Tell him your going to pull a lorana bobbit on him and see if he still wants to talk to his cheap **** then