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Call me stupid , the life I lead, it just never meets your expectations .. The lies, the drama, the hating, thus everything should mean so little to me, but still I stop and ask myself why I let it get to me ... To break me? ..I'm torn and ripped up into little shreds, but at the same time I'm being glued back together ... But is it just temporary relief or is this the real thing? .. For everyone whose been trying to tear me apart .. Its been working but at the same time dissipating .. The life I lead doesn't involve other people but me; yet they still choose to take a piece of me for what it was worth . It doesn't hurt much, just a gaping hole inside me . But go ahead keep doing what you do, for it doesn't change my perspective of you . Just remember, every word from you is nothing to me, no more will I take this pain ... Karma is mysterious, baby . And it gets both me & you .


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2007-03-01 15:10:29 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities Books & Authors

3 answers

What I think.
It is a good poem but why do you not use poetic verse style! Just reflecting.
The tone is a little more sneering but that is perhaps how you want it.
You may want to consider these as you revise:
-the periods after first statements give a sense of expectation not declaration. That's why I suggest verse form.
-"get to me" Maybe another word/expression could be more specific!
-should be "ripped apart into small shreds"
-Omit "But" and say "Is this just a temporary relief or is it the real thing?" You see how I interchange the "this" and "it." Think about it.
-"yet. . . . .worth" (tense consistency choose/was)
-perspective? what about "opinion"!
-And it get both you and me" (sense of humility/modesty: you first, me after).
- consider Its and it is conjugation (possessive case?).
Overall, it is a well thought out piece of poetic writing.

Good luck.

2007-03-01 16:10:41 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0 0

Nice poem, I cant write poems. I think people that do are great. Good luck and have fun with them.

2007-03-01 18:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mary 5 · 0 0

I like it. It is really good.

2007-03-01 23:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Cool Penguin 2 · 0 0

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