Any advice? Do I have a right to be mad I wasn't told sooner? And what about all the legal stuff?
2007-03-01 14:17:26 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Any advice?
Do I have a right to be mad I wasn't told sooner? ---I was in a juvenile detention center when she found out, she moved 2 states away during that time. Her parents were a big influence in that she hasn't said anything until now.
And what about all the legal stuff? ---She wants me to pay child support, but she doesn't think I should get to see the kid. Or her parent's don't, I'm not sure on that one.
2007-03-01 14:47:01 · update #1
you need to go see a legal team, asap. if thats not possible financially, there are plenty of nonprofit organizations that can help you. look for them.
the child support issue needs to go through the courts, even if its friendly (and i recommend trying to make it as friendly as possible). unless she filed certain paperwork when the child was younger (or prove that you are a danger to the child), she cannot forbid you from visitation/custody. again, that goes through the courts.
meanwhile, take initiative. make sure that the courts will not consider you a danger to the child - and i'm sure you know what i mean by that. you need to show that you are, and will continue to be, a positive contributer to society in all aspects. this is a child, a real live human being, and the law will not take that lightly.
on the issue of being mad, i'm not sure you are really justified in that. resentful, terrified, confused - probably. but what good does that do you? unless you want to become the detached dad who harms your child (psychologically), remember: do what will be best in the long run, and don't procrastinate.
as a sidenote, it is standard to ask for a DNA test before any court decisions are made. this does not mean you are calling her a whore, or questioning the child, or saying that you will not take care of the child - you just want to be sure, for legal purposes.
last comment: please do make it as friendly/amicable as possible. this is your child: you will have to deal with this woman, and those around her, until the child is 18, and probably even more. it doesn't help anyone to have parents who bicker like 12 year olds. be intelligent, and start and end everything on the "right foot". do the right thing.
2007-03-01 16:40:25 · answer #1 · answered by cc41girl88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! What are the reasons to why you only found out now? Of course you have a right to be mad but dont let the child see that. I would be asking to get a DNA test done just to be sure that this child is actually yours and when the results come back then seek legal help if you and the mother cant agree on some kind of arrangement.
If this is your child then you have the same rights as the mother. Is shes asking for child support? Are you named as the father on the birth certificate? If your not then she has no legs to stand on to make you pay until Dna proves your the father or not but if you are then legally you have too.
Good Luck Mate!
2007-03-01 22:30:28 · answer #2 · answered by channy_simon 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you have the right to be mad that you were not told sooner. Since you know now though, get a DNA test to be sure, and if it is indeed your child, step up to the plate, get a job (if you are not working) and support and love this child, regardless of how you feel about the mother. What legal stuff is involved?
2007-03-01 22:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by Gardener for God(dmd) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have all the right to be mad!
Befor doing anything you need to make sure this kid is really yours, ask for a paternity test and then go from their..
If you want this kid in your life you can take it to court and get visitation rights granted you will still have to pay child support, they cannot keep this baby from you without a court order so i would fight it...
I don't think it would be right to agree to pay child supprt and not see this child after all he is your blood too...
Talk to a lawyer, or talk to your parents to see if they can help you out with this.
If you decide to take it to court to at least get visitation rights make sure you get a good job, you will need to prove to the courts that your fit to take care of this child as well or else you will loose and end up paying child support and not seeing it.
Good luck!
2007-03-02 12:10:28 · answer #4 · answered by Kasja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you have the right to be mad cuz you were robbed three years of your childs life. but remember being hostile towards the mother will only affect the child since the mom is all the child knows and to the child you are a stranger and you do not want the first impression to be a bad one. as for the legal stuff child support will be the best for you to start paying (no back child support though you should not have to pay that) to show responsibility, agree to supervised visits at first until the child gets to know you and is not frightened to be alone with you then just be accurate with visits and stuff because you do not want to hurt the child becasue he or she did not ask for this situation. take it from someone who knows. as much as it may kill you try and get along for the child sake. in the long run as long as you and the ex can get along even though seperated the child will grow up knowing that they have a loving mom and dad and will be happy.
good luck
2007-03-01 22:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by tammy_martin22 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be mad. Have a DNA test done as soon as possible to confirm what you have been told.. You can NOT be denied visitation unless you are a danger to your child. Go to court have them set a child support order, and see your child as much as possible. You have already missed a lot, don't miss anymore. You can't get these years back, so be there, and help shape that child into a wonderful little person... Good Luck
2007-03-02 08:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by stacy d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if it is your child you need to do the right thing. Whether or not she's asking for child support, you need to make arrangements to pay something. You need to go to court and have a judge issue a court order granting you visitation. Once an order is in place she can't stop you from seeing your child. You can get the authorities involved if she tries. And as far as her parents go, they don't get to make any decisions in the matter.
Just don't be that guy who doesn't take care of his responsibilities because eventually your child will find out and that's not something that he'll forgive you for.
2007-03-02 05:36:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your anger is justified.
As for the maintenance/child support, I would refuse to pay one red cent until you have had a DNA test done, it maybe worth the cost of the test, if the child proves not to be yours.
By all means do seek legal advice to protect your rights, don't be bullied into any thing that you feel is unfair. Hence the legal advice.
If the child proves to be yours, you will have to pay for maintenance/child support, but you do have a right to have access to the child, and I would argue that you were deliberately excluded from the child life, and you were unaware of the child until a claim was made against you for maintenance.
Good luck
2007-03-02 07:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by Georgie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I'd wonder if the kid was even mine-- she did go 3 yrs w/out telling you... Make sure you're the father and then worry about the legal stuff... I don't blame you for being mad-- I'd be. But remember you can't hold that against the baby and at some point, ya gotta forgive her... b/c the kid needs TWO good parents!
2007-03-01 22:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by Bio Instructor 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your situation, I would be furious. I would worry about that legal stuff IF she was not letting you see your child, if not then you would have to start paying child support, also only get into the legal stuff if you want custody. But if you two are on good terms and are able to work together in this, I wouldnt worry too much about the legal stuff.
2007-03-01 22:23:16 · answer #10 · answered by mrs.russell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋