Just a poem?

Question

Whenever I'm in your presence,
There's somethin about your aura that makes everythin feel pleasant,
Calms my soul,
I feel much more whole,
Its like somethin I've been missin and around you I feel in control,
So when I leave your side the gray days come rushin back,
This can't be good matter of fact,
Its whack!
I yearn for your touch and your sweet embrace,
Make no mistake from my heart you soothe the ache,
For that I'm grateful,
Thankful,
Wishin I could bear whats locked up and put it on the table,
Reveal the emotions and feelins that I have,
That way you get a glimpse of why I look sad,
But you'll never know how I really truly feel,
Thats because my feelins are so well concealed,
Hidden behind a wall,
A well crafted and fabricated facade,
So in case I get rejected on my face I wont fall,
One day I'd like to open my heart unto you,
But until that day I remain friendly and coo(l),
Sit on the sidelines and try to work up the guts,
Man who am I kiddin I'm just to shy but and so lovestruck

This is more along the Spoken Word than poetry, although the same, slightly different.

Answer 1

i'm not sure why you put this here, but i imagine it is probobly fro constructive critisism. I can honestly say that that poem is an exelent piece of liturature; it makes me(the reader) feel, it uses imageray, and is generally a piece of work that makes the reader connect with the writer. good job! *gives thumbs up* :D

Answer 2

Ho-ly Crap. This is without a doubt one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. Who the hell puts "whack" into a poem? Listen up kiddies, every time you think you just wrote a poem that is "so great" and "really expresses my feelings" or "like totally speaks ur heart," go pick up a book of poems by Shakespeare, Frost, Bukowski, etc. and see if your poem looks like that. That is real poetry, and what you are writing is a poor excuse for it. So, after picking up those books and reading them, go ahead and smack yourself in the face with them and find a new way to "totally express yourself."

Answer 3

This is soooo sweeet!!
It is not just a poem
It divulges the way you are as a person, so calm, so organized,and so intellectually manly=) You have what you call genuine self-discipline in that quest for your true love, a scene we barely now witness these days in a manner that love is now overrated and sometimes gets misconcepted with lust. Love is not rushed, it patiently waits.

Don't worry you'll get the best out of your love, i'm positive=)

Answer 4

Glory be and behold, for what purpose humanity is there should not even concern us: why you are there, that you should ask yourself: and if you have no ready answer, then set for yourself goals, high and noble goals, and perish in pursuit of them! i know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible ... while considering that, but during the longest period of the human past nothing was more terrible than to feel that one stood by oneself. to be alone, to experience things by oneself, neither to obey nor to rule, to be an individual—that was not a pleasure but a punishment; one was sentenced to "individuality." lest ye shall not forget, it's terribly simple. the good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. no one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after

Answer 5

heya,

I once wrote "poetry means from the heart (no I've never been a poet until we were apart)"

hope you get some guts, or that the objective of your affections will notice, even though you hide it- and something good and nice will turn out.

all the best :)

P.S.

thought it was written awesomely :) keep at it

Answer 6

Very nice....and that girl would probably like to know someone who has such feelings for her....

Also...it is feelings...not feelins....and your "table" line doesn't fit with the feel of the rest of the poem....

Good luck with the girl! She would be lucky to know you care about her!

Answer 7

I liked it...comes from the heart. Could be a rap song... ???

Answer 8

Yo, Mezizany, PLEASE stop saying "Glory be and behold" every time you answer a question! The repetition is killing me.