Anyone want to read this?

Question

Ok, I written this story. Its my first one. I want to know if anyone likes it. Please tell me if you like and how I can fix it.




The gray woods






Oh, I remember it. It was when I was in my backward hangin my clothes
in 1932 when I got the call from the hospital. They said I should come over right away.
This was because a few weeks ago, one of my friends, Lilly Grass,
went into the so called haunted forests near downtown. We've all been
told that if you went into the middle of that forest, something out of
nowhere would come and scare you out! Oh, no one in town believed
that story. Except my friend lilly. She thought that it was all real!
The boys from a town called Grassclott. Just south of us. They dared
Lilly to go in those woods all night and come back the morning.
Although Lilly was afraid of those woods so badly, she was the bravest
person I've ever knowed. She would jump through fire although knowing
she would be burned and scarred so badly they would never be
healed. She went in there that night. But just before she left, she came to my house.
She said" Do you think I should really go there, you know, in the forest?"
I said"I don't think you should lilly. What if those boys come out and scare you?"
" I don't know. I just want to prove that that forest isn't haunted.""If you really want to,
let me come with you.""Why, why do you want to do that?""Cause, cause you're my best
friend." " You're weird, I tell you." Then she went off towards that forest.
When she came back, she looked like a ghost. First I thought those boys from
Grassclott scared her that night. But when she came up close to me, she looked sick, real sick.
I told to come in and get a glass of lemonaid to drink. She did. But when she came in,
all she did was fall asleep on my couch. I got her to sit up and I ask" Didn't you get any sleep
last night, in your sleeping bag?" "No." She said in a diorianted way. I made her sleep on her bed.
See, if I forgot to say, her Mama and Pa were New York City worken to earn some money.
Money so they could move up to Ohio. I didn't want that to happen. But anyway, just before I
sent to her to the hospital up a few towns, we all sat in my bedroom up high so we could
look down at the lake. We were talking about that night in the forest. How the noises scared her.
Well they didn't scare her as much as the silents did. How it scared her so. After I sent her to the hospital,
the town just stopped talking. No more gossip or anything. I stopped hearing from
old Mrs.Withhare talking about her old husband. Everybody just stopped talkin.
Then there on that day, when I heard that phone ring, I knew it was bad news. I knew
something bad had happened. When I picked up that phone, they said that I needed to
come up here quick, cause they weren't sure if Lilly was ganna make it or not. So I came up
there and there she was, sick as a dog, lying in bed. She told me" I don't think Im ganna make it,
cause they called you over here" "Lilly, you are just ganna be fine." I just had to lie to her. I
didn't want her to get scared just before God takes her away to heaven. She said" I gotta tell you something, ok?"
"Ok" I said. She said" Well, remember when I told you about how the silence scared me so bad?"
"Yeah, I do". "Well, it wasn't just that." She looks down and takes a deep breath. "I felt sick that whole night".
"Like scared-sick?" "NO!" She yelled. " I just felt sick, like I had to throw up." The doctor
came in the room and called me to talk with him privatly. He said"
Well, shes got the fever. We are sure shes not going to make it. I think you should get ready for when her
body gives up. We've got to tell her soon. So she knows how to spend
the rest of her days and be happy with each of them." He made a sigh. "But she can't leave this
hospital, shes too weak." But it was too late. The next day some people
came in and took her body away. I cried the whole time. Then a few days before
her funeral, I got news that both of her parents were killed in a shooting down in the city.
It seemed as if her whole family just disapeared. Lilly and all.
At the funeral it seemed as if the whole town came. That day I went to the forest to
see what made her so sick. I couldn't find anything. And I wasn't
going to spend the night there. I wasn't as brave as Lilly. Not me. In those woods,
I remembered what Lilly had told me in the hospital,
"I was just afraid of those...
The Gray Woods."

Please someone read this.

Answer 1

Very nice story. Some spelling issues--probably three or four words--but overall very interesting. Definitely kept my interest. If you'll change those misspelled words, you should be fine with it.
worken= working (or workin')
lemonaid = lemonade
dirorianted =disoriented
privatly = privately
diasapered = disappeared

Answer 2

I like the conversational style you have. Have you shown this to friends and family and asked them for their opinion?