How to motivate my wife to get a job?

Question

I am only just making the bills by working all the O/T I can get my hands on. My mortgage will take me until 7 years past retirement to pay off. If I get sick or injured we could easily lose the house.

My wife refuses to get a job, does pretty much F/T volunteer work and makes only pocket change doing in-home contract work, with no real effort to develop a serious business. I paid her tuition for a college certificate program and she refuses to get the last credit to complete the program. She has not filed a tax return in five years, so I can't get any tax breaks.

I already thought about divorce and I'm not interested in getting fleeced by the courts. Can I get a court order for her to get a job?

I need help on how to solve this without anger.

Answer 1

I recently read this book that i am sure will be really helpful to you and your wife..." COUPLE SKILLS" by McKay Matthew. Reaaally good to practice clean communication. That's all what you need.
Use the court to divorce her not to make things work, even if you have a point, because it would only hurt deeply your relationship.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

If there are not any children in the home, then maybe she should start searching for a job or at least a part-time job. She is probably having a hard time getting motivated. You need to sit with her and tell her that you need her help. It seems like she is having a hard time finishing projects or jobs that she got started on. You may want to find out why she keeps do that. Another wards, get to the bottom of this. Be polite about it too, the nagging, will just make things worse.

If kids are involved, then you ought to consider on finding another job that will pay you more or maybe have two jobs so that way you can get all caught up with your bills, mortgage etc.....Do what ever it takes to make this happen. Your kids do not need another working mother, which is the norm these days. They need a mother to be home for them to come home to and for a wife to come home to.

Otherwise, if she doesn't feel like working, she may be going through some type of hormone changes or pre-menopause. Which a doctor can only detect by her visitation.

To solve this without anger? You can solve it without anger, the anger will come if you only let it. So, don't let anger control you, you control it.

Answer 3

This is a discussion that the two of you need to find a way to agree on or it may end up with more than anger. Let her know exactly how you feel and tell her about how hard it is without her help and support to provide for the family. If she still has a negative attitude then let her know that you're not sure what will happen without her help or too your relationship. Just be honest, and find out just how much she cares about her family life. Then you do what has to be done to be happy if you've made all the right efforts.

Answer 4

Have you told her, what you've written here?? If so and she still won't do it you have ample evidence to the court that she could choose to be independent from you with your help with certifying her ofr this college program. Make it clear to her that all it takes is one health problem for you both to lose everything without her help. If she still won't figure it out because she obviously doesn't want to you need to tell her that there are two options:

1 Your selling the house and buying something smaller to ease the stress off of yourself

2 you divorce and sell the house anyway since she can't pay for your "half" if your in a community property state.

Answer 5

well what you can do is only get what is needed. if your wife wants something extra...tell her to get a job and pay for it herself. i say to restrict how much money you give to your wife and monitor the spending on the money that you make. since you make the money you have a say on how it's going to be spent. i hope that she doesn't have access to your account. i'm not trying to be mean here but you can think of some way to monitor or restrict how much your wife spends as far as household funds go. if you have direct deposit then when your check is deposited take out the money so that there is little left (that is if she has access to the account). of course she will raise some cain but that is your opportunity to tell her that you are doing what is necessary towards the bills and taking care of the family. if she wants something personal or something extra...get a job. that way she can pay for it herself. ...shurgs...just a suggestion. but i agree with a previous poster. cut her off big time. and monitor your sperm(if you dont' have children) (use a condom) cause if she gets pregnant she really will not work. cut her off big time. change your account numbers if you have to. since you have access to the internet...most banks have online banking where you can have your statement emailed to your email address versus being sent in the mail to you. if she opens the mail and gets your account numbers then she can spend your money like she wishes. do what you need to do to cut her off. change your yahoo password and clear your cashe (browser cookes and internet pages) every time you leave the home computer. you dont' want her getting those account numbers. you want her to get a job. only provide what is needed. not what is wanted. that may force her into a position to make some money of her own.

Answer 6

Sometimes when a woman had a chance stay at home, they are lazy to work. The enjoy of watching TV or just lazy around the house sack herself on the sofa make it worst. They will start to think how difficult to getup in the morning, start everything back to the old days by working. Made it more and more lazy to work.
Try a few tricks by you stay at home, and tell her that you are lazy to work, ask her to look for money do something for her own pocket money. Dint ever give her any, By doing this later maybe she will release it.

Answer 7

I thought about it and here are your options:

1) Tell her she has 30 days to get a job or your marriage is over. Don't be mean, or rough with her, just tell her.

2) If she doesn't do anything in 30 days, see a divorce attorney and see if you have grounds for divorce with no alimony.

Good luck!

Answer 8

try couples counseling, sounds like there may be an issue here, maybe she has a fear of rejection or something, all you can do is try to talk about it, make her realize the importance of her working, your frustration and increasing bitterness, she needs to work for the sake of the relationship as well as your financial well-being.
Good luck!

Answer 9

Cut her off

Answer 10

grab her by the throat and warn her lazy ***