Does this story sound good to you so far?

Question

Sometimes I think the whole world has gone crazy, but then again maybe it's just me. Everyone wished for the perfect life. Some people got it, I wasn't one of those people. I was sitting on a plane as it soared over the glistening water of the vast Atlantic. London, England was where I was headed. To see my dad whom I had visited every summer since I was four years old. After visiting England every summer for thirteen years, you would think I thought of it as maybe a second home or something like that. No, that's not what I thought at all. I loved London, I truly did, but it just wasn't MY place. I didn't feel like I would ever get my perfect life, or my happily ever after there. The busy streets, the brain-racketting noises, they're great. Except you get used to them, maybe even to used to them. I really didn't know what to expect in London. Even though it seemed like I had it all worked out in my mind, London was so different from Phoenix.

I knew from the day that I had made my decision to move from my favorite place in the world, that I would miss a lot in Phoenix. I had bid my farewell to the sun, my friends, and most of my wardrobe. In London, there were seasons. There were seasons in Phoenix too, except the weather didn't take a different direction when they changed. In England the weather would be cold in winter. More than cold, some days would be below freezing. Thirteen years of hot, sunny days three-hundred and sixty days of the year. Just gone. Of course there would be summer.....once a year.

Suddenly, all the lights flickered off. I looked out the window. I couldn't see a thing, the sky was jet-black. Apparently it was nighttime. As I looked out the window and into darkness, I realized I was tired. I retrieved the blanket from the seat pouch in front of me and threw it over myself. I lay back in my seat and I surrendered to my lids.

I don't know when I finally fell asleep, but when I awoke the lights were back on. A flight attendant was coming around with breakfast. I put my window up and looked out. There was a huge glare of light and it burnt my eyes. I quickly slammed the window back down.


and that is all I have so far. Does it sound like a good story to you so far? be honest.

Answer 1

It sounds good to me so far. You have some structural issues and spelling errors, but the story itself seems intriguing. I'd like to know where you are headed with it. Good luck!

Answer 2

Okay I like this story but I would reward this part

"After visiting England every summer for thirteen years, you would think I thought of it as maybe a second home or something like that. No, that's not what I thought at all. I loved London, I truly did, but it just wasn't MY place. I didn't feel like I would ever get my perfect life, or my happily ever after there."

There is just something about it that is to simple and doesn't fit in with the rest of the writing. You are a good writer just make this part as good as the rest.

Answer 3

It sounds pretty good, if it were a mystery or a drama.

let me know what genre its supposed to bethrough e-mail. and is there a person next to the character who will somehow tie into the plot?
What does the main character look like? is it a boy or girl? pessimist or optimist?
...........................
I'm startin to sound like my english teacher

but seriously, those things are wat a reader wants to stay engrossed, something to grab them.did something happen to the persons guardians back home?

Answer 4

Pretty good--except, can you put the window up when you're flying in an airplane? I doubt it.

Answer 5

Yes it does. If you can, when you are done writing it please email me a copy at [e-mail] or [e-mail] (that is,if you are willing to type me one,it takes time)


email me the title of the story please

Answer 6

not bad...