My Partner has depression and After 10 years he is not going to change, should I leave him?

Question

I look at other peopl who have fun and I eeither support him and bouy him up or we argue.

Answer 1

This is very sad, I can't advise you on what to do, I think you should have some counseling, you may be able to arrange this through your doctor. It might be possible to get your partner to see your doctor, and possibly a counselor. I am sorry I can't advise you but you need to find your way on this one, a counselor may be able to help you find it, but in the end you make the choice. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think that you sound like you are in need of support yourself and feel totaly overwhelmed by the enormity of this task. If you love him and still enjoy being intimate with him then stay, if not then count up what it is that hasn't made you leave yet and see whether this is sustainable. I don't think that you a 'heartless cow' and feel that advice like that comes from those who have no insight. You sound as if you have been living for two people and partying for none. Spend more time with your friends, get him some help and figure out whether the future could look different. If not move on, you will find someone else, the fear will tell you that you won't but you will.

Answer 3

Im not sure if you are married to this guy, but you have been together for 10 years already, so I'd say that its basically the same as marriage (if you not married already)..If you are then remember your vows.."for better of worse, in sickness and in health"..Im not sure what your religion or beliefs are, but it all boils down to the same things and promises.

You are very brave to stand by your man for all these years..i really admire you, but you have to realise that depression is also an illness and can you imagine how depressed he will be once you leave him?..

I suggest that you rather urge him, more than that make him feel special and support him...BUT make it clear to him that you will only do this is he agrees to also try and help himself..take it baby steps..dont rush him to change..10 years is a long time to try and change people and im sure you are so fed up by now..(i know i would probably be)...
You do not know what he is going through with this depression..Men have feelings too...and sometimes us females just expect our men to understand when we are depressed...some of them have to put up with our "depression" all their lives and what is our excuse??..."im a woman"..

I no this is very difficult, but please do not leave him now...A person is never too bad to change..try to get to the root of the problem and believe in your man that he will change and love him unconditionally...!

Answer 4

I'd guess you probably think you're a horrible person to even contemplate it but you must decent otherwise you wouldn't feel bad.

The question can be boiled down to: At what point do your personal needs exceed the suffering you're going through in order to help?

Or: Should you sacrifice your life for someone else when that sacrifice actually does no lasting good.

Or: Are you worth anything?

I can't make that decision for you. But I can point you in the direction of a way to make your own decisions, this is Scientology stuff, it's very practical, you read a few things and then see how it applies to your situation. Then you can decide.

These two are about communication and how people react in life:

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH3.HTM
http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH4.HTM

This one is about balance in life:

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH2.HTM

This one is about right and wrong decisions:

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH9.HTM

That should be enough :-)

If you want to contact me to ask any questions, you can through my profile.

(About depression: it's not a disease it's a state of mind and the drugs don't help, they prolong it. Nowadays the drugs have to have warnings about *causing* depression, suicidal tendencies and violence. See http://www.cchr.org.uk/ ).


Good luck.

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Answer 5

Believe me he can change with the right help. I had depression for over 20yrs and after my mother died i got to speak to a love;ly lady who eas a councellor for the firm i worked with. I have never looke back. I am a completley different person. Never give up on him. My ex sufferers with depression and I will be there to support him whenever he needs me , even though were not together. When you have depression you need to know that there is someone there for you, to take the good times with the bad. IT CAN BE THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU GOING

Answer 6

Yes depression is a clinical condition, bt in the end its the person themself who gets theirself out of it. I wld steer away frm medication and seek help thru kinnesiology (nt sure about spelling). You need to have this treatment with an open mind as it is not what the average person wld see as normal. You shld go 2geva, if your partner wont go then go by yourself. It is a homeopathic approach but put yr seat belt on bcos its fast n furious and will rid you and your partner of all the baggage. 10 years is a long time to b caught up in sadness, you only live once and believe me when u rid yrselfs of these rotten feelings you will be chasing time to get bk all the years u have wasted. Time is precious, kinnesiology will free you all of all hang ups and put u bk in your own shoes. If you have been supporting yr partner all these years he will let u carry on supporting him, y not ? he gets it easier than you, he gets to live out his feelings while u haveto stiffle yours. You r obviously a caring person, but at what price, ? 10 years is quite enuf dont u think ? its like he has a smelly can of worms n he has decided to put them on your table, which is all well n good, you love him and hopefully he loves you, but this needs to b sorted out or before u know it you'l b drawing yr pension n you'l b in the same boat as him. If you love him force him out of his comfort zone, it's only wen we come out of our comfort zones that we begin to learn. U may find that all the finiky details that keep going round and round within yr relationship will become unimportant. kinnesiology will bring you bk on track and show u what the true issues are, its not rocket science and u will then b able to get up n out of the miserable life that you must have. Sounds harsh ? ive lived it, n i wldnt swap wot i learnt frm during my kinnesilogy for a billion pounds. Good luk n all the best to you,

Answer 7

If he's not under a doctors care, start there. If he is under a doctors care suggest he change medications. Depression can be treated. If you can't afford it, call you local county health care system and ask them to recommend you to a therapist that offers a sliding scale. That just means they try to charge what you can afford.

Answer 8

no, people recover from depression even after 10 years talk to other people in your situation but don't let him get you down. if he's not already get medical help or talk to charitys like Mind*

*really cool charity helps out one of my mates all the time, stopped her topping herself

Answer 9

do what makes you happy....depression is something that sucks everyone in around it....and if he is not getting help maybe you should move on with your life because you only get one........he needs help and that is the only thing that will help your relationship with him....10 years is a long time to live in the shadow of depression....i know because i have it myself.

Answer 10

my dad as depression and as had it for over 15 years. my mom sometimes get frustrated sometimes but she would never leave my dad, what happened to sickness and in health ? you should give your husband the love and support he needs. seek medical help, but please don't give up on him things can and will get better with the right help. good luck