how long is too long to cry?

Question

We are trying to get our 9 month old son to sleep without our help. After months of trying everything under the sun, we are trying the Ferber method. We started last night and let him cry only going in at set intervals to give back his pacifier and lay him back down. He was exhausted. Even so he cried for 2 hours and finnally I layed down next to his crib and then he went to sleep. Then today we have tried it again with his naps and again he cried for two hours. I ended up rocking him when he showed no signs of sleep....just totally hysterical. Is this to be expected? Are we being cruel? If this is not how it is supposed to go....then what do we do next??? We have tried everything and we don't feel like this is working either.

Answer 1

Is his crib in your room. If not you might want to try that or just let him sleep with you, they do grow out of it. They just want to know that you are there.

Good luck I am a mom of 5. I think the best thing we did was let them sleep with us they like the feeling of being snuggled kind of like when they were in the womb.

I was told the same thing just let them cry it out. But then you feel guilty that you are mistreating them.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

This is very normal, at this age your baby is starting the separation anxiety. What you did by laying down next to the crib is fine. What I think you should do in this case is an altered for of the Ferber method (seeing as that flopped for you). Start out sitting very close to his crib, maybe even touch him until he goes to sleep, and every night get farther and farther from the crib until you are in the hall but still in sight. After he is fine with that then you should be able to just lay him down and he will go to sleep. It will also work better if you can get him drifting but not asleep. Good luck, this will be hard but worth it. This too shall pass!

Answer 3

We just started letting our son cry it out too as we have been having problems with him going to sleep at night. Just shut the door and let him cry. Sure, go in and check on him every 15 to 20 min if he's still crying but whatever you do don't pick him up. Unless he's really crying hysterically. I wouldn't recomend going in there just to give him the pacifier either because it won't do any good. I think 2 hours is kinda long but it depends on what kind of cryig he's doing. I know it's tough but they have to learn. It's a vicious cycle I know but the more you walk into the room and the more they see you, it's a lot worse. They need to realize that your not coming.......

Answer 4

We have the same problem and are using Dr. Ferber method - progressive waiting. However, at the 1st time we tried the method, I realised that my baby (then 6 month) is not only having the sleep associate problem of nursing to sleep. According to Dr. Ferber's book, my baby has another problem called night time meal. He thinks he needs to eat at night. To solve this problem, we have to graduately increase the hours between feeding time at night (per Dr. Ferber recommendation).

Yes, he finally learn to sleep thru the night (from 7:30 to 5a.m). Yes, it took him about 2 hours before he cried himself to sleep. His doctor said this is o.k. as long as he cry himself to sleep without us in the room. The next night, he cried about 1 hours. And the following about 15 min. And less than a week, he is fine.

However, when he starts to teeth again, he fall back to every 2 hours of wake time. We let him go on for a while and then, starts Dr Ferber method again.

But we having trouble with his nap. Like yours son, my son won't sleep even though he is tied. According to Dr. Ferber book, he said to end the nap after 30 min of trying. So, he usually doesn't get his nap at our trying. But he fall to sleep as soon as i nurse him in the next meal time.

Keep trying, and keep reading Dr. Ferber for more detail. There are a few exception (which is mentioned in his book) Night time fear, nightmare etc to watch out for.

Dr Ferber said that this progess should work in a week, so keep trying and do it right (please don't lay next to his crib). Yes, it is very heartache to hear your dearest baby crying. Just remember, this is for his good.

Answer 5

at this point it has become a "game" to him. he's going to continue to cry b/c he knows you will cave in and comfort him. i used the Ferber method with my son and it worked after about a week or so. make sure that he's not teething by feeling around for any bumps or a low fever which could mean he's teething. tonight i would give him a dose of tylenol and keep with the Ferber method. it's going to take longer than one night, unfortunately. but eventually he will learn to comfort himself and go to back to sleep on his own. it's going to be tough, you're going to cry and think you are the worst parent on the face of the planet but you know you are acting in his best interest and he will never remember a second of it. be strong!! good luck!!

Answer 6

The only piece of advice that I can give you is that once you decide to pick this battle you have to stick to your guns. Unfortunately, giving in after 2 hours only guarantees that it will last at least that long the next time.

You can try to Supernanny thing where you sit in the room, but don't look at him until he falls asleep, moving farther away each night.

After 3-4 days of consistency, he will cry less (and maybe not at all).

Answer 7

With all my respect to Dr Ferber,I can not accept his methods.Though according to his theory parents should gradually limit the time they spend with the baby,and not just leave the baby shut the door and let him cry it out.Still i think even that is cruel and unhealthy.
What is wrong if a baby wants to have his mommy close to him??If he wants to feel secure and loved?

Answer 8

He may not need to nap as long during the day. I suggest cutting out a nap or cutting down on the amout of time during daily naps. I have to agree with HeatherY here when she says once you choose this course of action you HAVE to stick with it or it isn't going to work.

Answer 9

I can't believe that you are rewarding his crying by laying by his crib and rocking him. Do you want this to work or not? You need to let him cry till he falls asleep NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES. When I was weaning my baby off his pacifier he cried for 2 1/2 hours at 3 months old. But he finally fell asleep. AFter that each time was less crying. Within a week he was pacifier free and no crying for naps or night time. There is no time limit--they have to cry until they fall asleep.

Answer 10

Theres nothing wrong with a 9 month old still waking at night and needing to be parented to sleep. You need to re-evaluate your priorities and expectations.

"The term “cry it out” refers to the practice of leaving babies in their cribs without picking them up, and letting them cry themselves to sleep. A modified version of this approach is to go to the baby every few minutes to pat her on the back or reassure her verbally (but not pick the baby up), and to increase the length of time gradually so that the baby eventually “learns” to fall asleep alone.
But there is no doubt that repeated lack of responsiveness to a baby’s cries—even for only five minutes at a time—is potentially damaging to the baby’s mental health. Babies who are left to cry it out alone may fail to develop a basic sense of trust or an understanding of themselves as a causal agent, possibly leading to feelings of powerlessness, low self-esteem, and chronic anxiety later in life. The cry-it-out approach undermines the very basis of secure attachment, which requires prompt responsiveness and sensitive attunement during the first year after birth."

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