We have been together 4 years (he is 10 years older than me) and we have a 2 year old daughter. I'm not in love with him anymore and have felt the need to leave and live my own life for a while now. I've made up my mind. The only issue now is how do I tell him? He is prone to extreme behavior, and I am worried about how he is going to react. Should I give him a lot of notice or should I tell him right before I am moving? Please, serious answers only. Thanks!
2007-03-01 09:17:00 · 12 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't need to give him notice, that's just going to hurt him more knowing your leaving. If you're worried about him hurting you or your child, take your child to someone else's house and then tell him. If you're worried he will do something stupid, well, that's his problem. You can't control his behavior, nor should you stay because he threatens to do something stupid. Good luck
2007-03-01 09:25:00 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lindsay, what do you mean by "extreme behavior?". You sound as though you are certain you want to end the relationship because you do not love him so you do need to tell him, however, I am worried about whether there will ever be a right time. He is prone to "extreme behavior" is a big concern. Is their other problems in the relationship? Do you fight a lot? Is he mean to you or your daughter? Don't make the break up about him...tell him that you need to be on your own. Be safe.......and Good Luck!
2007-03-01 09:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe for ONE SECOND that he might become violent or even hostile, you need to develop an exit plan.
Find a place to go. Establish financial care for yourself. Get friends and/or family for support.
THEN leave. And you know the guy better than anyone else, after living with him for 4 years. You should know how he'd take it.
Personally, I wouldn't give notice. Just have your stuff packed and out before he gets home. Tell him to meet you in a public place (park, restaurant, etc) if you suspect he might get violent when you tell him its over. Have someone with you, either close by or close enough to see you. Make sure you go NO WHERE private with him in the event he becomes hostile.
And above all, GET A FAMILY ATTORNEY to protect your parental rights. I did all of the above EXCEPT the restraining order, and my ex kidnapped my child and ran. I never saw it coming.
2007-03-01 09:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make sure your next move is secure...by that I mean do you have a place to stay once you have this talk with him? Is custody of your child going to be difficult? How will you support all of this successfully on your own...Make sure you can!
Once this is in place, just tell him. If he is a violent man, have the police notified and be there with you when you remove whatever may be left of your things (if you have your other place lined up start by moving some insignificant things he won't pick up on - i.e: kids clothes, toys, clothes for you).
After the news is broke and the shock wears off him Im sure he may come to be thankful you didn't drag it out further, and so will your daughter.
Be strong. Nothing good came easy, fight for it though and it'll be preiceless! God bless
2007-03-01 09:26:00 · answer #4 · answered by ProudArmyWife2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have everything lined up first (money, a place to stay, etc.). Then send him a "Dear John". If he's prone to erratic behaviour, it might be best if you don't tell him in person. I know it sounds cold, but so does being punched in the face by an irate husband. But the main thing is making sure you're ready to make the move. If you've got no money, he's not going to be too thrilled to give you cash to set up your own private household.
2007-03-01 09:23:16 · answer #5 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you think it best that he is going to act extreme (meaning try to physically hurt you) then I would tell him with a wittness present and at the last minute. If you know he truly can handle the truth just tell him....sorry but you no longer want to be in a relationship with him.
Best of LUck to you!
2007-03-01 09:46:21 · answer #6 · answered by krYpToNitEsMoM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im actually getting out of a 3 year relationship myself. i think the best thing to do, only you would know. if its serious anger, you should just get up and go, send him a note. or you can tell him. its up to you. i just got into an argument with my ex, and i realized its not for me. he too has an anger problem. so far its been two days, and we havent called eachother. im sure as much as you hate him, it will be tough at first with out him, but if i can do it, you can
2007-03-01 09:47:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let him know it is time for u to move on...must have been some reason ya'll didn't get married...now u know...have a place planned to go and a set time frame and take off
2007-03-01 09:22:16 · answer #8 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its sounds like you should be far,far away before you tell him!! Somewhere he doesn't know...For your safety and your little girls....Honey I have been there,,,,I planned it for years I got away!! still to this day he has not found me!!
2007-03-01 09:24:06 · answer #9 · answered by jewel64052 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right before you leave. although, you'll eventually have to give him your address so he can see his daughter, maybe by then he will have calmed down.
2007-03-01 09:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋