Do I have the right to be angry?

Question

What do you do when you’re a woman and your best friend is a man and you do everything together, but he then gets a girlfriend? My best friend and I had planned to go travelling together next year, he’s always telling me I’m his favourite and the best ever and that he loves me and wants to marry me and that I’m the best person in the world to go travelling with. But now he wants to go with his new gf instead. He tells me that it had never been a ‘concrete’ plan between us so I shouldn’t be angry with him. But I feel confused and like I am his last resort, when he’s been telling me, even very recently, that we are ‘soulmates’ etc. Do I have a right to be angry with him, or is it okay for your friends to throw you over for their boy/girl friends? Should I be more understanding? I spent ages thinking about all the great things we were going to do, and now he’s going with her, but she doesn’t even want to go to the same places he and I want to. Do I have a right to be annoyed?

Answer 1

Absolutly! That is outrageous! If he has actually said the words I love you and has openly discussed marrying you and living his life with you, why is he messing around with other people? I know the situation probaly has more to it than this but by all means be angry! I somehow think that he may be doing this to get you jealous and angry inorder to get more antention tell him to stop messing around and openly date you or marry you.

Answer 2

A new significant other will always trump an old friendship.... the newness of the relationship, the energy, the first blush of the crush. It will break up best friends of whatever genders. It's a bit more complex when the friends are different genders, and all that talk about love and soulmates.

You can be angry with him, of course, for dumping you so quickly -- but he's so happy, he's only going to see it as jealousy. And his new lady is going to see it the same way. Bite the bullet and be gracious, try to get to know her. It's the only way to preserve a positive friendship for you and your guy friend. Showing how annoyed you are, at this stage, will only widen the gap and destroy the friendship further.

Answer 3

The problem with this situation is that you did not get any clear communication with each other.

"best friends" you said. You did not say BF and GF. there is your mistake. While you were maybe thinking that you were his girlfriend, he was thinking, as YOU say, that you were his good/best Friend. That left him the option of looking for a 'girl' friend.

Better luck next time. Ask him if he is ever going to consider you are a GIRL friend at a later time?

You can be miffed and angry, but do not dwell there. It is over and done with. Forgive him, not for his sake or because he asked you to, but so that you can get on with YOUR life and look around for other options.

Answer 4

Well, I would say that you should just give him some time to see what will come of the new girlfriend. He may find that you don't know what you got until it's gone in which case he will be coming right back to you. If you two are really meant for each other he won't be happy with any other girl. It sounds to me like he just wants to be sure that you are right for him. I would be upset if I were you but try to relax and know that before long he will be coming back to you.

Answer 5

I've been in the same place many times. Yes, you have the right to be mad! You were led on and deceived. I know that it's hard but he will never change. They never do. He's afraid of commitment and the fact that your "soul mates". He's afraid that if he does commit that something will go wrong and he'll loose you. But the fact is that by stringing you along that he's shipping you off. Your in all actuality better off without him. Don't attempt to talk to him or see him... let him make the move... make him know that you aren't dependent on him. Like I said, It's gonna be hard but absence makes ones heart grow.

Answer 6

I can understand how you might feel put out by your friend's choice, but don't you want him to be happy, too? Have you talked to him about this? He may not be aware he was sending such a strong message towards you with the "soulmates" thing, so he may also not be aware of how much his disloyalty affected you. If you have other friends, perhaps now is the time to plan things with them.

Answer 7

i think that you do have a right to b mad!! If he told you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you then he should act like it and getting a girlfriend is the WORST thing he could do!!! I would talk to him about it, don't b immature like a lot of people are and ignore him!!! You should talk to him about it face to face and tell him exactly how it makes u feel and how upset u r!!

Answer 8

yes i guess i would be pretty annoyed too if i were you. this happened to me before - it makes you just feel blown off and second best. but, you have to also understand that eventually he would get a girlfriend and would want to spend time with her and they'd want to travel together. do you have feelings for him? if you do, maybe you should let him know. you never know, maybe he's feeling the same way about you, but just doesn't want to jeopradize your friendship.

Answer 9

Relationships are tough. Sometimes we can spend a lot of time with a certain friend and other times we just need to do our own thing for a while. Hang in there and let him know you care.

Answer 10

if he said he wanted to marry u and that he loved u, than he led u on and deceived u. it is not OK for someone to do this, but it happens, even happens to married people. he feels as if he is in love and when someone feels this way about someone than your relationship with him is over with, and u just have to accept it. he used u and made u feel as if u wee the one, than changed his mind. we don't have any control over others only ourselves, u put your trust in someone u shouldn't have, maybe u felt more than he did. life sometimes throws us a curve ball, and we just have to accept what life gives us, even when it hurts us. could be there is someone else your meant to be with instead of him.