I don't know what to do! Something really bad happened to my best female friend.?

Question

She was date raped last weekend.

I don't know the guy and have no idea what he looks like. It's killing me because she is like my younger sister (I'm 22, she's 20). We have talked about it a lot and she doesn't want me to do anything about it. I'd smash the guys face in if she hadn't made me promise not to. Worst thing is that she won't tell anyone, and won't let me either. She said she didn't want to let it affect her that much because that would make him win. I understand her thinking but he needs to pay, if not by me then by the law. I'm close to calling the police department, the only thing that's stopping me is that she would never talk to me again if I told the police. She said to just leave it be so she can go on with her life. The big brother side of me doesn't want to listen but my friend side does.

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

Answer 1

You're in one of the toughest positions you could ever be placed in, in your life.

I can't tell you want to do, no one really can, you have to make the decision for yourself.

You can:
1. Call the police. This may ruin your relationship with her, this may make you feel bad when she no longer wants to talk to you, and you may feel like you made an aweful decision. But what it can do, is put the guy into prision and prevent him from raping anyone else. It can help someone else's life that you may never know who could be his next victim.

2. You can do nothing. You can choose not to say anything or do anything other than still stay her friend. You'll also have regrets about making this decision, and possibly have a very guilty conscious, not knowing what to do. She may even go through some extreme psycological issues because of this later on, and not want to be friends with you or anyone ever again. But you will know you didn't betray her trust and that can make you at least happy with yourself.

3. You can go out there looking for this guy, try to do something (assault him, kill him, whatever), you could risk your life and end up dying or getting beat up, arrested, and put into prison.

I don't know if that helps clear up what your options are.

Oh, and according to the FBI, only about 30% of Rape cases are actually reported to the police because of the fear that the victim will be put into embarassment. The truth of the matter is that the system is and has been near perfected so that the victim calls into the police office and makes an appointment over the phone to come in one day, take a few tests, answer a few questions from a professional examiner, (who 99% of the time is also the doctor and everything else) and then go home. What this all means, is that they only have to deal with 1 professional, everything stays confidential, and a majority of the embarasment is releaved.

Answer 2

I am so sorry, I have read some of the other comments and rape is something you can never forget! The police should have been called immediately and now evidence is gone and he will probably rape another girl if he isn't stopped. You should not take things into your own hands by doing something that will put you in jail. She still needs to go to the police, he has probably raped other women and it will get worse. Stand by her and give her support, but go to the police with her and make the report.

Answer 3

That is a tuff one.I would definitely try to get her to at least talk to someone about it.Anonumously.She needs to face what happened and start dealing with her emotions or she will never start to heal.And you really need to help her to realize that she is actually "making him win" by not telling someone(preferably the police)what he did.IT WAS NOT HER FAULT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM!!!!!!!!!!! But she needs to tell the police or it's possible that he could do the same thing to another girl.Let her know she has the power to make him pay for what he did to her and the power to keep him from doing it again. You are a great friend for worrying about her so much and supporting her like you are.She will have a tuff road ahead and will need your support like never before.

Be strong and have faith in your friend.
She told you so she has already taken the first step to healing.

Good Luck !

Answer 4

I am a victim of date rape as well, she might not want it to affect her now but sooner or later it will. The only thing you could do right now is just be their for her and listen to her, but also if she takes too long to report it the he won’t pay since all the evidence has faded away and it’s her word against his. You might want to tell her that if she doesn't know. Trust me the person who did it to me is still walking free and I reported it three months after it happened. When it does start effecting her you might want to ask her about going to group meetings with people that slightly have gone through the same experience. It helps it really does. Luckily for her she has you I had no one and it was hard for me really hard. So just comfort her and listen to her that’s all she might want at this point.

Answer 5

I would talk to ur friend again and explain to her that if she does not say something it can happen to someone else and that person might not be as lucky. You would not like to have that thougth of well if i would have said or done something this would not have happened to anyone else. She is letting him win by not saying anything he thinks he is free to do whatever he wants. It sounds to me that u are very concerned and i would let the authorities know she might stop talking to you for a while but not forever she will realize what a true friend is. :)

Answer 6

Do what you think is best to help your friend. She might be mad at you at first but if it really is bad and you do feel you need to tell somebody about it well then I think you should. She might get upset with you and be mad but you are only looking out for her and you dont want to see her get hurt so im sure that after a while she will realize this and she will thank you. If its really serious and you think that you need to tell someone than do so but if not just give it some time.

Answer 7

She's traumatized. And he has probably threatened her. Unfortunately, date rape victims are treated like tramps, like they asked for it, which is deplorable. YES, he should pay. When you do talk to her, tell her you understand her feeling but....can she live with herself knowing he will do it to someone else and she could stop it? Ask her if she would want this to happen to her sister, or mother, or best friend. Tell her she has the power to stop him. A rape counselor can help her. I hope she can recover eventually.

Answer 8

Get some counseling dude... If you're on a college campus.. chances are they have free counseling centers... Or find a Psychologist..

Answer 9

Its really very sad. But my advice is listen to ur friend side. make her to forget the whole thing

Answer 10

You have to respect her wishes. but you will need to get yourself a punching bag