Terrified about labor/Dr's/hospitals/needles etc.... 30 weeks prego?

Question

I'm 30 weeks and everything around me is changing. My house is changing, there are baby clothes in a dresser that I bought for her. There will be a crib next to my bed as of this Saturday. I've carried her for 30 weeks, why is it suddenly hitting me that I'm having a baby she is going to HAVE to come out of me. I dont think this feeling/reaction is normal for a first time mom.
ON top of all this, I HATE HATE HATE doctors/hospitals/needles! I was a very sick child and was ALWAYS in the hospital. I am traumitzed by what I went through. It was torture.
I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen, what is going to happen, how much pain I will be in, getting a needle in my back. I'm terrified. I'm the only person I know who is dreading the birth of her daughter. :-( I'm a terrible mother already. I love her to death and cant wait to meet her but, I dont want to go to hospital. :-(
Help!

Answer 1

Oh, you're fine. I mean, I think fear is far more common than "Gee, I just can't wait. Hope I bleed for months afterwards, too!"

It's just that there's a stigma about admitting to being anything less than completely thrilled with pregnancy and birth. If you're not completely overjoyed to be massive, exhausted, nauseated, etc, you're going to be a bad mother (or at least you "should've kept your legs closed, then," etc).

Re. "I HATE HATE HATE doctors/hospitals/needles!"

Then skip them. You're pregnant, not sick.

If you're set on a hospital birth -- I realise home birth is not for everybody -- have you considered hiring a doula? If I had to use a hospital, I'd want one just to run interference and keep things as close to my birth plan as possible.

You know -- "birth plan" -- the sort of thing that says "NO UNNECESSARY IV," etc.

But home birth with a midwife is really something to consider.

Failing that, read as much as you can. Pretty much every neurosis I've had has been soothed by getting a lot of information.

"The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" is excellent. ("What to Expect When You're Expecting" is garbage, though; quit reading it if you have it -- that seems to frighten people more than any other book, and the information in it is terrible anyway.)

Pick a worry -- "I will tear," say -- and go learn about it. Ideally, you'll end up saying "Well, okay; I'll get started with the perineal massage now. I'll go slowly when I'm in labour, and use sensible birthing positions, not be flat on my back. Etc."

Answer 2

Don't worry!! Every mother feels this way at sometime in her pregnancy, even if it's just a little bit. It's scary, I'm scared too! (I'm overdue already and I know she has to come sometime soon!)

It's a big change, and it's a big deal. All you ever hear is about how much it hurts and all of that, but there are pain medications to help you out. If you don't want en epidural (the needle in your back) you can get plenty of different kinds of pain relief... you can get an iv or laughing gas to take your mind off of it. Just relax and realize that so many women go through childbirth everyday! It's a natural thing and you'll be ok!

In the end, you're going to forget everything when you see that beautiful baby.

Your reaction is very normal. I'm nervous too, and I'm already over the being scared part because I know it has to happen... I would just advice having a plan... maybe that would make you feel better. I know that I'm planning to have a 'walking epidural' which is a low dose epidural so I can still move around if I want to, or if I can... and I'm not as limited as I would be if I got a full epidural. Maybe look up making a birth plan, and knowing exactly what will happen and what you don't want to happen might make you feel more at ease!

Congratulations and Good Luck. Try not to focus on all the bad stuff, yes it will hurt, but it won't be the end of the world... and in the end you'll have your baby in your arms :)

Answer 3

You are certainly not a bad mother because you are scared of the process of delivery, I went throught the very same thing with my daughter I was not going to get the epidural because I was afraid of the needle and when I did go into labor I told the nurse that I was so scared and didn't want to do it and she very rudely told me that I made my bed and now I had to lay in it and that it was too late... I cried to my mother even begging her to take it all away, but in the end I did just fine.. For a woman in labor your body musters up this super human strength, will and ability to just do what you know you can... Something takes over and then everything else seems nul.... Well I am here to say that it has been 9 years and four children later and I did it all natural the last three times, you will see that it really isn't that hard and the reward is the best part about it... YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! don't be scared after all woman have been doing this since the beginning of time and now they have medicine to make it even easier... I'll be praying for you

Answer 4

Sweetie you are not the first person to feel this way and I promise you will not be the last....everything is just now starting to hit you b/c of all of the new things like the cloths, crib...ect. Yes labor will hurt....i'm not gonna lie it will hurt alot but just a little secret I was expecting it to be unbarable I was expecting the pain to be so bad that it was not bad at all. It jsut wasn't anything like I thought it would be b/c it is completly bareable. Exspecially knowing that you are getting a beautiful baby girl out of the whole deal....just knowing that helped numb the pain alot. And about the needle well that needle will be your best friend b4 you leave. The needle is what lets you actually enjoy child birth. Good Luck and Congrats being a mom is the best thing in the world and seeing your baby for the 1st time is an experience of a lifetime.

Answer 5

My husband will never let me live down the day when I called him in a panic asking "Do you know how small the socks are?!?" It was the day that I washed all the baby's clothes before he was born and that was the moment that it all hit me. So I think that you're reaction is quite normal.

Would it be possible for you to have your baby at a birthing center that is separate from an actual hospital? Go down and take the tour (my hospital called it a pre-clinic) so that you can familiarize yourself with it. I've had two epidurals, one while in labor and having contractions and one not in labor (repeat c-section). The one done during labor was no pain at all compared to the contractions, which only became noticeable on the monitor after the epidural. Let your doctor know about your concerns and maybe he'll schedule and induction or c-section for you so that it will be less stressful.

Answer 6

you are NOT a terrible mother! It is a scary prospect for anyone, and if you've had trauma relating to hospitals, you have every right to your feelings!
The pains start off slowly and mild, you get to work up to the heavy duty stuff, and it is kinda scary to get a needle in your back, but by the time you are ready for it, you'll just be so grateful for it... maybe you could try to see this as an opportunity to have a good hospital experience to countr the bad - they will stop your pain, you will meet your precious child...
However, if the prospect is too much, have you considered a home birth, a doula etc.?
They don't get the same pain control stuff (ie- epidurals), but may be a better alternative if you can't get past the fear.
Also, I would consider seeing a therapist, they can give you techniques to control your fears and help you feel better about having them.
Good luck, let me know how it turns out!
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Answer 7

You aren't a bad mom! You are human, and have a right to be scared.
Every new mom and mom to be goes through it.

Have you had a healthy pregnancy? Can you request a home birth? Then, there's no doctors and no needles, and NO HOSPITAL!

The pain of birth is forgettable, it is over faster than it begins and believe it or not, it is entirely managable.
You don't have to have an epidural, it is possible to give birth without one, I did and I am the world BIGGEST whimp where pain is concerned.
Relax!

Email me if you want to talk to someone about this, but you are going to be fine. You can do this because you will find a way to overcome fears and phobias for your child!

Answer 8

OK realizing that you have to get a huge baby out of your body and being nervous about that is completely normal! Especially at the stage you are in. You are NOT A TERRIBLE MOTHER you are a pregnant woman!

I have to tell you with no doubt what so ever. As you get closer to your due date your baby is going to grow dramatically, you are going to get extremely uncomfortable, you are going to swell, you are going to ache and you are going to be willing to go anywhere an do anything if it will mean getting that child out of your body! With both of my girls as I got close they could have taken the kid out my damn nose if that is what it would have taken. I felt terrible!

All kidding aside. I think you need to talk to your Dr about your fears and start to figure out what kind of medications you may want to take during birth. Start your education now and know what you will need from your Dr. You are the customer, educate yourself and get what you need to make this a good experience. Also, you need to take a birth class at the hospital. It will really help you out.

I have to tell you that meeting your daughter for the first time will be the most amazing thing you will ever experience. It is just absolutely amazing. You will forget everything you have gone through and be ready to do it again. Seriously. It's amazing.

Answer 9

First you are not a terrible mom!! Terrified maybe but not terrible. I understand the fear. The only thing I can say is that millions upon millions have done it and you can too. Some of them did it with no pain relief. The needle for the epidural does hurt some but not as bad as your imagination makes it. the labor does hurt but doctor can give you something. Relax you will be fine.

Answer 10

ok first off Breath sweetheart. Second I felt the same way and i too was sick all the time as a child and had my first )6 hour surgery) at 6 and a half i can understand all of how you are feeling But things will be ok. Plenty of women are PETRIFIED of labor. yes it hurts, yes they jab needles in you but you know what? they i noticed tend to be alot more respectfull of a woman in labor then a mere child. They are hear for you. they will do whatever it takes to make u relax. Watch a movie while in labor, listen to the radio find yourself something to distract you from the needles going in your arm. You have lasted through all the blood drawing of pregnancy you CAN do this. Feel free to e-mail me
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