How to talk to your husband about sexual issues in the marriage?

Question

I have a problem with what happens when we are intimate in any way, (he always ignors me it seems) how do I bring it up and not make him feel bad?

Would it be better to talk, or should i write a letter?

Answer 1

next time you start up...playfully announce 'my turn.' or 'me first' and guide him where you want him to go...hopefully he'll take the clue and follow along.

Answer 2

I can only speak from my perspective. I enjoy the physical pleasure of sex, but even moreso I enjoy satisfying my lady. I won't refuse anything she specifically requests (though sometimes I tease her a bit more even when she says "I want you inside me!"). Ok, now onto my point...

I like guidance. I am fine improvising, but I welcome her input, and I often ask (though she usually give me a general "everything you do is good" response like I do when she asks what I want for dinner). If you tell him you need his mouth on your breasts or mouth or someplace farther south, he should be very responsive. While he is doing your bidding, tell him you want his fingers inside of you, or to nibble on your nipples, or whatever else you desperately desire.

Keep this up until you've helped him bring you to orgasm. Then you can order him to give it to you good (his turn).

If you really don't know what turns you on, you should really buy a nice toy and explore your own body and responses. Unless it would be a real turn-off, you should watch some lesbian porn, and I suggest this because the women will be going for the spots that turn other women on, not just sticking it to them.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow tough one.
You could always try the "Me First' ( you get yours before he gets his), but he might get mad. You could try writing him a letter explaining your issues but that is very impersonal.
I would tell him to sit down and be quite bot to say a word!!
I suggest you then strip for him then once you are naked tell him what it is you want and need from him, maybe even SHOW HIM exactly how and where you liked to be touched. Think of it not as show and tell but more of an instructional demonstration or a " how to"

Just a thought - Good Luck

Answer 4

I like the playful demonstrating answers. Just talking about it is OK,but it is true some men take suggestions as criticism. So work him over good and show him some secret places. You know, when my wife and I make love, she usually has one orgasm from the touching, one the conventional way and another if I stay and finish my work. By the way, just because he has his orgasm does not mean he has to leave. That's how I get number 3.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel.Seems some men don't or can't open up with issues in that area.Maybe they feel there isn't anything wrong on their part...Or feel like you are complaining about their performance.
I talked to my husband about ours once, by using a close co-worker[he didn't know] as the woman and her husband being in trouble.He was more than willing to comment on what was going on in "their" relationship.It gave me an insight on how he would feel if it were us.Little did he know "It Was". Sneaky huh!

Answer 6

You just tell him that you want him to pay more attention to you. You should be able to talk to your husband about anything, he is your husband after all. Talking is always better than a letter.

Answer 7

I can't believe someone said tell him or leave him.

You're complaining that he 'ignores you' but you've never told him what you want.

Tell him what you want. He's not a mind reader.

Focus on positive, not negatives. Saying 'don't ignore me and just focus on yourself' is not constructive, and just hurtful.

saying 'Can you do this next time' or during taking his hand or whatever and guiding it where you want, showing him how to move, is just hot.

Stop blaming him for not guessing what you want. TELL HIM CLEARLY.

If he ignores you, then you've got a right to be upset.

Answer 8

1. do it outside the bedroom, but don't blindside him with it.

2. use phrases like "i've always wanted to try something like", or "you know that one time when you did [x], god, please, do it again!" and seem really excited that he might have stumbled onto something wonderful.

once you have that conversation you can set up an "experimentation" play date where you both try the new things on each other that you've learned from the conversation. It can even be something as simple as mutual masterbation during that play-date while you rediscover each other.

Answer 9

No you should talk, or get counselling. If you are having trouble getting satisfaction, (your question doesn't say whether it's that or you're doing things you don't like) then give him a book. Show him the parts you like, 'OR' watch some porn together and say 'let's try .......' Good luck honey.

Answer 10

Anything said is better then a letter.

Answer 11

You can't so get over it. Just bring it up. Either that or divorce him and find a new guy. It's your choice.