Miscarried unwanted baby, but still feeling very sad about the miscarriage?

Question

My friend found out her baby died 4 days ago at 8 weeks and is going in for a D&C tomorrow to remove the pregnancy/baby.

This was an unplanned pregnancy, but her husband was happy about it since he has always wanted a baby. My friend was VERY upset since she never wanted to have children and has wanted to leave her husband for some time.

She was miserable everyday since she found out she was pregnant and when she finally lost the baby she said she felt sad about it. She says she thinks the whole situation is sad, but it has made her realize even more that she doesn’t want to have a baby ever.

Is it normal to feel bad after a miscarriage even if it was an unwanted pregnancy? Will she always be sad about it? Did you lose an unwanted pregnancy? Any advice?

Answer 1

Well, hormones come into play with the feeling sad part too. So once her hormone levels go back to normal, it will get better.If she doesnt want kids, she doesnt want kids, shes probably feeling guilty that she felt so unhappy about being pregnant that she caused it or something, or she feels guilty because shes happy shes not pregnant anymore. either way, her marriage isnt going to work if he wants kids and she doesnt, so thats another issue altogether, but she wont be sad forever,the feelings will pass. dont worry.

Answer 2

While I lost a very WANTED pregnancy, I can say that it's very normal to feel sad for the loss, regardless of prior feelings. Although I was really excited about being pregnant, I didn't feel particularly connected to my baby as I was only 12 weeks along and only experienced unpleasant symptoms up to that point. However, when I started bleeding and had a feeling something was wrong, I got a huge sense of maternal instinct and panic. I couldn't stop crying at the doctor's office and made the day pretty unpleasant for all the women who worked there (not to mention people in the waiting room). I didn't realize how attached and protective I truly was over the baby until it was too late. Even though your friend never actually wanted the baby, it stands to reason that she would still be sad about what happened. You've also got to remember that she has just undergone an extremely huge event, and the feelings she had toward children and her husband are only going to heighten any sense of sadness she is feeling. My advice to YOU would be to not give HER any advice. Just be there as her friend, ready to listen and buy ice cream. Best wishes to both of you!

Answer 3

I've been going through the same thing every time i see a baby hear someone had a baby see pregnant girls it hurts pretty bad, its hard not to blame yourself and think why did this happen to me but it does happen all too often and sometime to people that dont deserve it. I think the healing just takes time, i found that trying to seperate myself from pregnant girls helps, i had a friend find out she was pregnant a week after i had my m/c it was hard to be happy for her and still is 3 months later. i ask myself the same questions, I get to feeling better about it as time passes and just knowing i'll get mine when the time is right even though when i was told it wasnt the right time didnt and still doesnt make it feel any better but just keep your head up and know your not alone feeling the way you do.

Answer 4

Hello,I hope that I can help with my advice or give enlightenment in some way to your friend's situation.It is normal to be filled with emotions when afflictions come upon us expected or not.Your friend is feeling sad because maybe deep down she does want to mother but not now.This brush with pregnancy aroused "what now" questions in her.Things happen for strange reasons unknown and she should know that this was a close call for her to consider being more careful in her actions that will always have consequences.She will never forget the life that could have been but she can take comfort in the fact that it happened for the best.I would say she should look at her situation and ask herself what can be learned from this.
I wish her well tomorrow and am sorry for her husband who has also been affected.Know that God is in control in this but when it comes to our attitudes it is our control.

Answer 5

It is definitely normal to mourn the loss of a pregnancy, planned or not. I personally haven't miscarried, but my mom got pregnant wayyyyy later in life than she meant to, way after my brother and me, and she miscarried the embryo at 7 weeks. She cried and cried. She's still sad about the loss and says it's the saddest thing that ever happened to her besides her divorce, but she can carry on her day-to-day life without worrying about it too much, but she does always feel like she lost a child.

Answer 6

It is common to feel sad after a miscarriage whether the baby was wanted or not. It is a loss and she should know it is okay to grieve. She may always feel a little sad when she thinks about it and that will be normal as well. Let her know that she should grieve to help her move forward.

Answer 7

Even though she didn't want the baby she is allowed to feel sad. She had a life growing inside her, that is a very special thing. She most likly won't be sad forever but she will never forget it. This will just take some time.

Answer 8

You truly wanted to have that baby, it's only natural