It is really getting me down. I tend to say how good a CD or book is, and then people ask if they can borrow them. They are friends (not particularly close) who are asking and so I do lend them. I rarely get them back, even if I remind them several times nicely. I don't want to fall out over this, but I feel like they are trying to punish me and I feel so crap when I think about it. I really want my things back because they are really great books/CDs.
2007-03-01 08:19:43 · 17 answers · asked by joy_hardyman2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Get over yourself - no one is doing this deliberately to punish you. 99% of what people do isn't about you - it's about THEM and their own issues. So stop being such a martyr about it, and start doing what's right for you.
For starters, get back what's yours. Make a list of who's borrowed what, and talk to each of them. Tell them you really need the book/CD back right away - you don't need to say why, just tell them you need it back this weekend. Make them promise to bring the item, and remind them every single time you see them, even multiple times a day. They will be in a hurry to get your stuff back just to shut you up, and they'll learn that they either shouldn't borrow stuff from you, or should return it the *first* time you ask. Don't be all nice and wishy-washy about it - it's time to be firm.
Next, stop loaning stuff out. If someone asks to borrow stuff, just tell them you're sorry, but you've had bad luck loaning stuff out before, so you make it a habit not to do it anymore. Tell them where they can find their own copy - at a library, online, etc.
Finally, seek a therapist. You have a lot of issues to work through, particularly regarding your depression and reluctance to assert yourself.
2007-03-01 08:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try not to take this so personally, it is more likely that these friends are just a bit thoughtless or forgetful than that they are trying to punish you.
If you have a computer, don't lend cds, you could copy them for your friend, not that I'm saying you should as it's technically illegal in many places!
If someone asks to borrow something, but they already have something of yours tell them they can borrow the book / cd, when they bring back the last one you lent them.
Always agree with the person you are lending stuff to when it is that you want it back.
Alternatively, just say 'no'. If someone asks to borrow something say you're sorry, but you don't lend stuff anymore because you never get stuff back from people in general, you don't have to make it personal with anyone. If your friends are worth anything then they will understand and probably start returning your stuff! If they get funny about it, ditch them, they obviously are only interested in your possessions, not you.
2007-03-01 08:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by Pretty Tough Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't got your items back after so long, forget it. At least they gave someone pleasure for a short time. Have a good clear out and give away the books and CD's you no longer want and make a new resolution not to lend out any more books or CDs to friends.
Keep the rest of your books and CD's out of eye view, whether it be in a drawer or in your room.
If someone is really interested in a particular book, they can always get it from the library and CD's can be easily copied.
2007-03-01 08:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to feel the same. Don't take it personally, it just happens, that's what people are like. Just make it a personal policy not to lend stuff, but make sure you don't borrow either. Tell people to join a library for books, or that you'll burn them copies of CD's if they supply the blanks (and your PC will do that). Most important, don't get down about it - if people stop being interested if you won't lend them something then they aren't worth your time. Good luck.
2007-03-01 08:25:33 · answer #4 · answered by Buckaroo Banzai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up for a start. Nobody is forcing you to lend stuff out. I've lost countless books and cds this way. People liked them so much they kept them. Hmmm! Maybe I actually have good taste then. And I get to educate people about books and music one sticky fingered simpleton at a time. Its a fair trade.
2007-03-01 09:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by tara_365 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And the worst of it is, that if you borrowed from this type of person and don't return it, they couldn't care less!! So wise up, either do not lend or remind them somebody else wants the item they have. Or tell them to p..........off. It is so ANNOYING - it drives me to actually want back something I don't want or need.!!
2007-03-01 08:23:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i SO know the feeling hun.. and its bloody annoying. these people are thoughtless... but i doubt strongly that they would do it to actually hurt you..you say you remind them, but if you really want it back, literally go to their house, bring it up in conversation, and wait for them to get it for you.. even if their not finished with it.. explain you need it back because someone else needs it.. basically say anything to get it back.. after that its up to you.. keep them as your friend or cut them off..but dont lend anything to them again. As to anyone asking you to borrow something, say yes but dont actually give it them.. i know it may sound a little harsh, but its the only way to keep your stuff!!
2007-03-01 09:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by claire m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a old problem that plenty still have to learn.
I don't lend any DVD to friends because they say they take care of it, but then their little brother or sister throws it or the dog chews on it and then your friend just tell you SORRY.
Well SSSSSSSORRY won't buy me a new DVD.
Keep your things to yourself.
2007-03-01 08:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by Superman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them "bring me my stuff back, I need them". It's your stuff, if they don't give it back, there's no need to be nice about it. It's your stuff.
Or, borrow stuff from them and don't give it back, and when they ask for it, tell them you want your stuff back first. If they refuse to borrow you something, tell them how unfair they are being because after all, you did lend them something which they still have not given back.
2007-03-01 09:46:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't lend things out. Never lend money or things unless you are willing to lose them. It is a lesson I learned, and now you are learning. Most people are worthless and untrustworthy... And when you complain to them they biitch about you complaining...
2007-03-01 08:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋