Sweetie, you have answered your own question. This woman is destined for strife and unhappiness, and you don't have to compromise yourself or your values because of her. Why don't you print this page with your quesion and all the responses and give it to her? That may speak more eloquently than anything you can say. And it will show her that you care. Good luck to you, Canadian Goose. In the end, her problems are not yours. Remember that, and know you are right.
2007-03-01 08:13:14
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answer #1
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answered by John Timothy 5
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To be quite honest with you, I could suggest that you tell her to see a marriage counselor but I don't think it will help. I think she's already got her mind made up. Here's the thing about affairs: When a married person starts interacting with someone they're attacted to and begins to think of cheating with them, they start to look for reasons they're unhappily married...I mean stupid reasons. Any reason she can use to justify cheating. Maybe she's unhappy because she's been thinking of this man long before she met up with him. When a spouse is distracted by someone they're considering an affair with, they don't give the marriage their best. The other spouse senses this, and doesn't give THEIR best...and so on and so forth until one or both spouses cheat. The answer for them, of course is marriage counseling but something tells me your friend will give you a thousand reasons it WON'T work and how "my husband would never go for it."
The best thing for you to do is remain her friend but you need to tell her you are angry with her for considering this. Don't tell her it's wrong or that you think it's wrong because you're not judging her. Tell her it hurts you to think that she would do this to her husband. But then tell her no matter what she does you will always love her, even if you don't agree with everything she does. Then tell her that you simply don't want to hear about it anymore. Be respectful and loving when you tell her this...afterall she IS your friend. Then all you can do is pray for her. That's what a good Christian would do in your situation.
Good luck with this. I know it's hard but you really need to communicate these things to her. Otherwise it will consume you which may cause you to say or do something to her that will end the friend ship.
2007-03-01 08:34:32
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answer #2
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answered by Eddie 2
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As a friend, I have faced this before myself. You sit your friend down and tell her you love her with all your heart, but what she is doing is not just hurting her significant other, but herself more. Tell her that living an honorable life will bring her more happiness than these thoughts or deeds involving other men. If she isn't going to be faithful then she needs to go about her life without being married. Ask her what happens if she finds someone that truly makes her happy and he does the same thing to her? It is not a matter of judging. It's a matter of reminding her of the difference between right and wrong and it is just plain wrong to treat other people that way. Let her know you love her as a close and dear friend, but you cannot respect her for what she is doing and you cannot trust a friend that would do that sort of thing to someone else and that you want her to do what's right . It may cause ill feelings on her part, but it may also make her realize that she needs to change.
2007-03-01 08:26:28
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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My answer has nothing to do with the Christian perspective....
Judging her is not a serious problem. Friends who don't tell their friends when they have screwed up (or are about to again) aren't doing their friends any favors.
I suggest you tell her not to do it, not to not tell you about it. How can you remain friends with someone who does something so terrible to her husband? If she does anyways, I would end the friendship. By tolerating terrible things, you become kind of a co-conspirator.
Tell her to take all these thoughts, efforts and energy and channel them into her marriage. She'll probably tell you to mind your own business, but at least you'll be able to sleep at night.
THINK OF IT THIS WAY if your husband was considering an affair, wouldn't you hope his buddies would say "man, that's wrong. Don't do that. Fix your problems with your wife."
Wouldn't you???
2007-03-01 08:12:40
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answer #4
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answered by fucose_man 5
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Your role as a Christian, from my perspective, is to love her and remind her of her positive qualities as much as possible. She may be straying a bit because she isn't receiving enough positive encouragement and affirmation right now. You said her relationship with her husband has been a bit rocky--maybe she's feeling down and a bit short on the love lately. If you support her and let her know how much she means to you, she may be less likely to seek that kind of support (even if superficial) from this idyllic past love. You might also softly encourage her to seek marriage counseling with her husband. Try to leave her past affair in the past--chances are she really regrets it and bringing it up will only break her confidence in you. Besides, courts don't allow prior similar acts as evidence of a new crime for a reason (using past actions to prove "conduct and conformity") so her past actions don't necessarily mean she's going to do the same thing again.
It seems to me that her current relationship isn't fulfilling all her needs--hopefully you can try to figure out what those might be and begin to fill the void, or at least help her to find positive ways to do so.
2007-03-01 08:18:35
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answer #5
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answered by Brittany B 1
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Okay you are a Christian and what she may do, is against your religion. Keep it to yourself. She has her right to her life, and to make her own mistakes. You are not her Judge and Jury.
Just because you think something is wrong, doesn't make it so.
I think having an affair, it wrong and stupid and can have all sorts of bad consequences.
If you talk to her, mention those, problems, not your religious beliefs.
The sad fact is that most Christians, don't follow their precepts. Love thy neighbor, forgive them that trespass.
Be her friend, and after you point out, all the problems, she is facing if she has an affair.
If she goes ahead, with it, then you have two choices, forgive her and remain her friend, or give her up as a friend.
2007-03-01 08:17:53
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answer #6
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answered by johnb693 7
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Forget God. Not really but the pain this stuff causes for everyone involved is just too much to bear sometimes. The hurt of finding out your spouse was unfaithful. The real agony when the affair ends because if you're involved with another person for any great length of time how can you not be devestated when it ends. And it will.
Friend or not, she's in for a lot of heartache and pain. Only she is going to be able to make that decision. Leave God out of it. use your own judgement without the religious angle. Tell her the bad points. If she does go through with it she can never say she wasn't forewarned.
2007-03-01 08:12:54
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answer #7
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answered by Quasimodo 7
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I know what you are feeling right now; I am a Christian, too, and the Bible frowns on adultry. It sounds like your friend needs help, both spiritually and emotionally. If she is unhappy in her marriage, then she needs to tell her husband so. Maybe they can seek help somewhere else. Tell her you want her to do the right thing and not give into the temptations of extramartial affairs. Explain to her that if she needs any emotional support when she tells her husband, or when she seeks help from a counselor, you will be there. Just tell her that you don't judge her for what she thinks or does; that you will still love her and be her friend even in her darkest hour. Just tell her your honest opinion about adultry, and if she is your true friend, she will not get angry or think that you are judging her.
2007-03-01 08:14:39
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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You are friends so share your thoughts, tell her what you feel and how it reflects on those in her life (apparently she is thinking of no one other than herself). If this doesn't open her eyes or she's not willing to hear you out detatch from her and perhaps your actions will speak louder than words.
Marriage counseling was a great answer too, but it's apparent she's past that point. If her marrieg is in such shambles already why haven't they seperated?
She's only lying to herself....Call her out on it!
2007-03-01 08:26:44
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answer #9
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answered by ProudArmyWife2005 3
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You don't have to be judgemental to give her some good advise. Affairs never work out. Theyonly cause more problems. If she is serious about this guy from her past, she needs to change her current situation before starting another relationship. Counselors are a must in this situation.
2007-03-01 08:14:28
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answer #10
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answered by sarge 6
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